Brittany Nicole Tolson - Battle Wounds: How to grow through your shit

This Book is dedicated to Kandace. For always having my back and guiding me out of the darkness when I need it. I couldnt have done this without you.

Whats In Here for ya!

Introduction Pg 3

This Almost Wasnt Chapter One Pg 12

This Was Supposed to Be Chapter One Pg 20

Chapter 2 Pg 36

Chapter 3 Pg 54

Chapter 4 Pg 62

Chapter 5 Pg 70

Chapter 6 Pg 83

Chapter 7 Pg 96

Chapter 8 Pg 102

Chapter 9 Pg 109

Chapter 10 Pg 119

Chapter 11 Pg 130

Prolouge Pg 147

Resources Pg 150

Introduction

This is the part of any great book where Ill summarize the whole book and tell you why you should buy it. No pressure at all. HA! I guess I should start by saying, this book is based on a true story. My story. I honestly thought about not telling you this until the end. Because parts of my story are hard, embarrassing, and sad. I thought about making the last chapter super enlightening and letting you into the fact that this is MY life and ME. But that wouldnt be fair now would it? And Im sure there will be times that youll think theres no possible way anyone with a brain would make these decisions. Well friends, its true. Its also where Ill tell you all about what youll see here and give you the fair warning about the heartbreak, divorce, infertility, miscarriage, and bad decisions. But Ill also share the romance, the love, the lessons learned, and the funny, oh so hilarious moments. What is a good book without balance right??

Ive always been a writer. As a kid I wrote a lot of internet fan fiction. Yes, I was a nerd! Mostly self help, blogs, long ranting Facebook posts if those count. However, it never really occurred to me that my life and the things Ive been through in the last year were the best way to teach self help and lessons to be learned. It hit me a few hours ago, knee deep in building Ikea furniture that had me beyond stressed out (turned out great though!). I almost called a man friend to come help me. And in that moment, I realized NO. I dont need a man, and thats been my theme for the last few months. Then it hit me. My life would be a damn good best seller. Ive had people tell me lately your life could be a movie. Were they kidding? Maybe. But I listen, a lot. And I dont forget anything. What is that? A camel? Maybe Im part camel.

The hours preceding, chapters and ideas swarmed my head. I probably should have written them down, but again, I rarely do what I should. The more I thought about it and how much I could help without being a typical self-help book, the more excited I got. And here we are.

My life feels like a series of battle wounds sometimes. I can look back and see how some scars actually shaped me. Some Im proud of. Some not so much. These are my wounds. The good, bad, and the ugly. How better to tell you NOT to do something then to show you first hand why?? Of course, Ill change some names, because I could just see my ex husband suing me for millions. But Ill totally get into that and how money ruined my marriage (among other things). If you know me in real life, or follow me on Instagram, Im sure youll know some of these people and their real names. I in NO way mean to talk down on anyone of them. Theyve all played a part in my story, and they were meant to treat me the way they did, or I wouldnt be where I am, and who I am. I know theyre good people. It took me a long time to realize that. Like almost a year, so I dont expect you to grasp that in the few days or weeks it takes you to read this book. I heard a quote recently, well maybe it was a meme on Instagram, either way, Youll always be the villain in someones story. And this my friends is my story, and my villains. It was hard to accept for myself that I may be that villain in other stories. We all play a part.

Okay Im rambling. I tend to do that, especially after copious amounts of coffee. Back to my story and who I am. Im Brittany, I grew up in sunny overpriced, California. A little tiny town called Vacaville that Im sure youve never heard of. If youve heard the zodiac killer? Yeah that where Im from. I grew up normal, just like most people. I had a completely unstable childhood that transformed into my crave for stability as an adult and the mindset that a man had to give that to me. I had a lot of siblings, chaos, and watching my brothers act out and DUH leaned from them how not to get in trouble. Think of me as your biggest sibling. Im laying out all the reasons I got grounded, spanked, loss of phone (metaphorically of course unless youre a young girl getting into trouble right meow). All so YOU dont have to go through that too.

I had an otherwise normal childhood that I might touch on to show emphasis in later chapters, but its not really that relevant to the story. I mean I guess everyones story and childhood IS important, so I might grace you with a chapter on it.

Im 24, a former EMT, current fitness coach, dachshund and beagle mom, and Ive had the toughest, roughest last 12 months of my life. I went through some hard stuff. Made some god-awful mistakes that Ill always regret, and let some bad decisions lead me to greatness. And yet, its helped me grow and made me who I am. Looking back through the tears, Im so glad I went through what I did. Im so glad it formed me into the bad bitch I am today. I wouldnt know how to be independent without going through the struggles. I wouldnt be where I am, in this tiny town in IOWA. I know right?? How did I end up in the Midwest from Cali?? Youll have to read on to find out.

The whole point in sharing my story is to show women like myself who feel stuck that theyre NOT. I was stuck in a mentally abusive marriage for far too long. I gave my power to a man, and sadly that wasnt the last time either. I repeated the same mistakes so many times I want to bang my head against a wall. But it took me that many times to figure it out, and I want you to GET IT far quicker than I did. I gave up who I was for someone else. I sacrificed a lot and I thought I was okay with that for the love. It was definitely a long road. I stayed unhappy because I was told one to many times, Id never make it without him, I was nothing., I was dependent on him.. Sound familiar? After time I started to believe it. And once you believe these truths others tell you, its so hard to dig your way back out. Its so hard for your thoughts to be louder than the bullshit. I get it. Youre not alone.

I stayed stagnant in jobs I hated for far too long for the bills. I thought life was supposed to be a struggle, and then you die. (Im not kidding! This is a saying we say on the west coast!) I never pushed myself or took risks due to my lack of confidence. I never dreamed for bigger or better. You work, you struggle, you die. End of story. SO wrong girl. So wrong; and I hope you see that by the end of this book!

Independence and being the bad bitch you are, is my main theme of this book. NEVER, ever forget it. You are special, valued, and important. Ill say it so many times, that I hope it bleeds from your ears by the time youre done. I want this to be a comfort when you need it, a resource to help you, and a guide for maybe what NOT to do? I hope you learn some hard lessons without having to go through them yourself. I hope you see some of yourself in me, and go through this uncomfortable stuff with me to get to the gold at the end. Ive had so many people tell me they look up to me for always standing tall through the storm. I love that, but what people forget is that Im just like them. Were all the same and if I can go through the worst days of my life and stand tall, then anyone can. Even you.

I hope you can realize youre not alone if youre going through any of this too. I hope you see yourself in my stories and know youre one of millions all going through it. Never be ashamed to share your hard and truth. You never know who could be close to you dealing with the same exact things. Sounds crazy, but its true!