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This book is dedicated to my clients, friends, and mentors who have shared their lives and their wisdom with me. I would be making a lot more U-turns were it not for you.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
A book is a journey, with many guides and helps along the way. I have been guided and helped in this journey by many, and here are a few I would like to thank for this book:
To my clients... thank you for sharing your lives and work with me. I truly appreciate you.
To my agents, Jan Miller and Shannon Marven. You make publishing a pleasure and a shared mission. I feel bad for those who do not have you and still try to write books! How hard that must be!
To my editor, Philis Boultinghouse. You are a true gift and pleasure to work with. I wish all editors were more like you!
To my assistant, Lexi: Thank you for making all the pieces work and for keeping me going with your life-giving attitude and spirit.
To my family: Thank you for the fun and joy that fuels me when I am trying to get through the writing season!
To my friends: Thank you for bringing life to me.
To God: Thank you for your life and wisdom.
CONTENTS
PREFACE
THE NINETEEN-FOOT SPINNING JESUS
I was excited about my upcoming meeting with the television executive. He was working with one of the major networks on a project he wanted me to consider. He was familiar with some of my work and some associates had told him to contact me. We had a great telephone conversation about how I would approach the topic he wanted to address, and he had really connected with what we had discussed. Until...
I walked in and the matre d escorted me to his table.
Hi, Im Henry. Good to meet you face-to-face, I said.
Hi, he said. But his demeanor was not as exuberant as it had been on the phone just a few days before. After we ordered our food, he did not waste any time and jumped right in to let me know why.
So... he began. I Googled you.
Yeah, and what did you find? I asked.
When I typed in your name, it was as if a nineteen-foot spinning Jesus was over your head.
Uh... what ? I asked. I had not ever seen Jesus hovering over me, so I was a bit surprised and confused.
A lot of the stuff you have written and talked about is so religious , he said. When we talked, you seemed pretty normal, so I was kind of shocked. I mean, you are a real doctor, right? But in one clip I could not tell if you were a psychologist or a preacher. You were talking about God and Jesus and a whole bunch of religious stuff. So, what gives?
I laughed so hard I spewed out my coffee.
I totally get it, I said. The spinning Jesus and you seemed normal make me laugh, but it is a real issue sometimes.
How so? he asked.
Well, exactly what you said, I went on. My professional life is serious to me and very scientifically based. I spend a lot of time deep in the research of clinical, relational, and performance issues. So, yes, I am a real doctor, as you said. And most of my work is in very mainstream, secular settings, like this network or CNN or Fox, or corporations or leadership events where the topic has nothing to do with faith or spirituality. What I talk about fits in because when we are discussing what causes depression or a relationship breakdown or a CEOs destructive behavior, I work from very real principles and research-based science. That is why you connected with what we discussed on the phone. Just normal psychologist stuff, as you say.
At the same time, although I am not particularly religious, to use your term, I am a person of faith. I have come to believe that all of science and research strongly validate what my faith tradition teaches. So sometimes I have an opportunity to speak, write, and work in contexts where I talk about faith too. So I am not surprised that you ran across some of that material. Dont get scared, I said, still a bit amused at it all.
Well, you said your expression of faith sometimes causes issues. What might those be? he asked.
The look on your face when I walked in! I said. I have seen that look before.
What look? he asked.
You summed it up when you said, I thought you were normal, and now I find out you are one of those religious types.
Because I also write about faith and how it affects our lives, sometimes people associate me with weirdos they have met from religious groups, and I have to work to convince them that real faith is not weird at all. So sometimes I have to overcome an extra stepguilt by association with the kooks. Its just that I see and experience great compatibility with spiritual wisdom and scientific knowledge, and for me, they validate each other over and over. I see no conflict.
Okay, that makes sense... I think, he said. You didnt sound crazy when we talked, but I just wondered. It scared me.
Well, I am a bit crazy in my own ways, as my family and friends will tell you, but nothing that requires institutionalization, I said. Just garden-variety dysfunction.
He laughed, relaxed a bit, and we moved on to talk about the project he wanted to do.
So, what does that encounter have to do with this book?
A lot.
This television executive was afraid that I might be too religious for him. And in my experience, many people have this same fear about matters of faith. Anything that sounds too spiritual makes people wary, and they immediately turn off. I do not want that to happen with this book, so I wanted to start with a few words about where I am coming from.
The foundation of this book is twofold: (1) Successful people have certain realizations, or awakenings, that change the course of their lives forever in a positive way. These realizations are essential to a good life and are both scientifically and spiritually backed. Youll see that there are obvious correlations between science and research and the spiritual teachings of Scripture. (2) Realizing the validity of these principles is only step one; step two is making real change in your life. So Ill share with you some foundational concepts about life change that will help you make those shifts a reality.
Here is a bit of how it comes together for me: I believe that God is the source of all of wisdom, as the designer of life and the universe. He knows how life works and has given us the secrets to this life through the Jewish prophets and Jesus. The Bible prolifically reveals the secrets to life, reflected in the name of the series this book is a part of, The Secret Things of God. So, in this series I get to share both of my favorite thingsthe science of life and the life of faithand how these two relate. In a sense, in this book I get to be all of meboth a psychologist and a person of faith.
So, I have three requests of you, my friends:
First, I want you to explore and benefit from the principles in the book that research and experience tell us are true. Use them and see. I hope you find them helpful in your life, relationships, and business.