Cloud Henry - Its not my fault: the no-excuse plan for overcoming lifes obstacles

ITS NOT
MY FAULT

THE NO~EXCUSE PLAN FOR
OVERCOMING LIFES OBSTACLES

DR. HENRY CLOUD
DR. JOHN TOWNSEND

2007 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version. 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NASB) taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Cover Design: John Hamilton | JohnHamiltonDesign.com
Cover Image: Janusz Kaphsta / SIS
Cover Photo: Images.com
Interior Design: Inside Out Design & Typesetting

ISBN 978-0-7852-8939-5 (tradepaper)
ISBN 978-1-5914-5473-1 (hardcover)

Printed in the United States of America
10 11 12 13 14 QW 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

This book is dedicated to all those who cope with other peoples blame and those who want to deal with their own. May you find solutions for your struggles and accomplish your dreams.
God bless you.

Contents

T he authors would like to thank the following people who helped make this book a reality:

Sealy Yates and Jeana Ledbetter, our literary agents: As always you provided guidance and direction throughout the process far above and beyond the call of duty. Thanks for your commitment to getting this book through the hoops.

Byron Williamson and Joey Paul: Thanks to you both for getting the idea and wanting it to happen. Byron: Your vision and creativity helped drive and shape the initial conceptualization. Joey: Your care and competency kept the process on track for us.

Rob Birkhead: Thanks for all your artistical talent which provided a great graphical way to convey the ideas.

Tom Williams, Anita Palmer, and Jennifer Day: Your attention to meaning and clarity greatly improved the readability of the book.

The staff of Cloud-Townsend Resources: Maureen Price, Steffanie Brooks, Jodi Coker, Kevin Doherty, Belinda Falk, Erin Kershaw, Debra Nili, Kris Patton, Patti Schenkel, Edrey Torres and Melanie Whittaker. We appreciate your diligence, values, and humor.

John would like to acknowledge the following people:

My executive assistant Janet Williams: Your conscientiousness and concern have made my work doable for me.

My wife Barbi and our sons Ricky and Benny: Thanks again for being such an awesome, caring, and growing family.

I t has been said that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who get what they want, and those who dont. Winners and losers.

Haves and have nots. And the sad thing is that some people feel that they are stuck in the wrong group and forever destined never to get what they want out of life.

In reality, however, it is not that black and white. While there are some clear winners and losers, more often we see that most people have some areas of life where they are able to make it all work, and other areas where they are stuck. Since you are reading this, it is doubtful that everything in your life is failing. It is likely, however, that there is some area where you have not quite been able to close the gap between what you desire and the results you are actually getting. If that is the case, this book is for you.

While it is not altogether true that people can be divided into two types clearly labeled winners and losers, they can be divided into two types in another way. And which of those types you are will absolutely determinewhether or not you find more of what you want in life. What are the two types?

Those who take responsibility for their lives, and those who dont.

That is the topic of this book. We can assert with the utmost confidence, from both research and experience, that the information and guidance well give you in these pages has the power to transform not only those areas where you are stuck and want to get moving, but even seemingly hopeless situations. This is not just theory. This No-Excuse Plan has been proven to work for as long as history has kept records of changed lives.

WINNERS IN A CULTURE OF BLAME

We live in a culture of blame. People will blame anyone or anything for their misery sooner than take the responsibility to own it and make it better. Blame has become institutionalized in our courts, legislatures, and schools; it pervades our psychology and medical thought and even our moral and spiritual lives. The result? More people with more misery, but always with someone or something else to blame it on.

While blame may ease some of the anxiety, guilt, fear, or sense of responsibility, it does nothing to solve the problems. As long as we think, feel, or act as if there is nothing we can do about whatever we struggle with, we will remain stuck.

You probably know or have known people who always have an excuse, never taking ownership for what they could do to make their situation better. If you know such a person, then you know the frustration of trying to help someone who will not take responsibility. As psychologists, we have seen it a thousand times. Often, within the first five minutes of talking with someone, we can tell that solving his or her problem is going to be a long, uphill battle. Not because the particular problem itself is unsolvable or the condition untreatable, but because the most important factor required for overcoming it is missing: the ability to take responsibility for ones own life.

On the other hand, when someone does have that one ingredient the ability to take responsibilitywe have more than just a vague hope for him or her. We know that this person will get better. It borders on absolute certainty.

And that is what we believe about you as well. If you are willing to do what all the winners in the world do in that area of your life that seems stuck, then your future can be different. Taking responsibility in this way does not at all imply that your situation is your fault or that you caused it. It only means that since you find yourself in it, you are willing to put your arms around it and take ownership to make it better.

We understand that it sometimes takes more than just willingness. There are willing, responsible people who sometimes remain stuck. But in those cases, the missing ingredients are usually the information, guidance, and resources necessary to bring about change. And we will help you by supplying those very items. We will join your willingness to take ownership of your life, even if you did not cause your problem or situation, and we will guide you in taking the steps that can lead you to the place where you want to be. Sometimes all it takes for good, responsible people to take ownership of a situation and make a change is just to know what the next steps are.