Cloud Henry - Discouragement & Depression What to Do When You Dont Know What to Do

A GIFT FOR

FROM

Dr.Henry Cloud
& Dr. John Townsend

What to Do
When You Don't
Know What
to Do

God Will Make a Way

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO:
DISCOURAGEMENT & DEPRESSION

Copyright 2005 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Published by Integrity Publishers, a division of Integrity Media, Inc.,
5250 Virginia Way, Suite 110, Brentwood, TN 37027.

HELPING PEOPLE WORLDWIDE EXPERIENCE the MANIFEST PRESENCE of GOD.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Literary Agents, Orange, California.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV), copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

Other Scripture quotations are taken from the following sources:

New American Standard Bible (NASB), 1960, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation.

The Holy Bible, New Living Translation (NLT), copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois. All rights reserved.

Cover and interior design: UDG | DesignWorks,
www.udgdesignworks.com

ISBN 1-59145-350-X

Printed in the United States of America

05 06 07 08 09 LBM 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Contents

1. PRINCIPLE ONE:
Begin Your Journey with God

2. PRINCIPLE TWO:
Choose Your Traveling Companions Wisely

3. PRINCIPLE THREE:
Place High Value on Wisdom

4. PRINCIPLE FOUR:
Leave Your Baggage Behind

5. PRINCIPLE FIVE:
Own Your Faults and Weaknesses

6. PRINCIPLE SIX:
Embrace Problems as Gifts

7. PRINCIPLE SEVEN:
Take Life as It Comes

8. PRINCIPLE EIGHT:
Love God with All You Are

E ric, a successful, married businessman in his late forties, came to see me (John) about a problem with depression. No matter what he did, he felt very down all the timediscouraged, hopeless, and with a lack of enjoyment in anything he did. It didnt make sense to him, for his life, while not perfect, was reasonably OK.

Eric was at that stage of life in which things should have been getting smoother for him. His wife, Laura, and he were happily married. Their two children were in college, and the high maintenance years of parenting were behind them. His place in his company as a senior vice president of a home-building group was secure, and a good fit for him. So as far as life struggles went, there wasnt a lot to go on.

I asked Eric, At this point, what have you done so far to deal with the depression? He said, Well, I have been praying a lot for God to help me and reading my Bible. And, since the kids are gone, I have more free time, so I volunteer at the church and Ive started playing golf. Thought that would give me a lift. But nothing really helps. I still feel like Im swimming in mud most of the time. Its just awful.

I empathized with Eric. If youve never experienced true depression, you wouldnt wish it on your worst enemy. It is a darkness inside of you that you cannot get away from or talk yourself out of.

What about your relationships? I asked.

You mean friends? I have a good group of guys that I play golf with.

How do they handle your depression?

Well, Eric replied, thats not the sort of thing we really talk about. I think thats a pretty personal subject. Besides, they would think Im nuts, being depressed with the kind of life Ive got.

I asked, So who knows how you feel?

Eric thought a minute. Well, Laura does, but she feels pretty helpless about it. She doesnt know what to do, so she tries to help me see the positive things in life and stay active. And God knows my insides, of course. Hes the one I want to heal me.

What if I told you, I asked, that you need more than just God in that place?

Id say that you were telling me that God isnt enough for meand I have a problem with that.

Well, I agree with you there, I said. I do believe that God is enough to meet all our needs and solve all our struggles. However, the Bible teaches that God has designed us to not only open up to him and his love and grace but also to people who will be kind and safe with us.

Eric was a little confused. I guess that still sounds like trusting man, not God.

So, to illustrate my point, I took Eric through several verses from the Bible, such as:

... it is not good for the man to be alone. (Genesis 2:18, NIV)

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Ecclesiastes 4:912, NIV)

... we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (2 Corinthians 1:4, NIV)

I explained, We all have a need for the grace of God, and also for the grace that he provides through other people. Without it, we dont have access to the understanding, kindness, and support that he designed us to experience. And my hunch is that you are sort of out of gas, relationally speaking, since you didnt think it was OK to let others in. And that is a leading cause of depression.

Eric started putting the pieces together. You know, he said, the family I grew up in was a very loving one. My parents really cared. But at the same time, if I was afraid or lonely, it wasnt really OK to talk about that. They would just shrug those problems off and tell me to think better thoughts and stay busy.

Sounds like life today, I said.

Its a lot like today, Eric agreed. I have always enjoyed my marriage and kids, and my friends and my work. But I never thought I should talk to anyone about my problems.

Right, I agreed. And it may be that now that the kids are gone and life has slowed a little, with less work stress, your circumstances have allowed your own relational isolation and emptiness to come out. That may be why this has happened at this juncture for you.

It made sense to Eric, and he got to work. He started concentrating on his fears of letting others in. He joined a small home group at church that was into relationships. He began working on trusting others and letting them know him. It took some time, as he was used to talking to others about their lives but avoiding his own. But gradually, as he became connected on deeper levels to a few safe people, Eric began realizing his depression was resolving. He felt more energy, more hopefulness, and more life inside himself.

Erics depression had served as a signal to him that he was very alone inside. Some depressions are signals for other issues, but this was his. And so, when he became grounded with people who cared and wanted to know his insides, the signal was no longer needed, and the depression went away.

Depression, though painful, is quite a common condition. If you suffer from it, you are far from alone. And the good news is that when you dont know what to do about depression, there are effective and helpful answers and solutions and a lot of sound hopefor your depression. Read on and find out.