Cloud Henry - Rescue Your Love Life

2005 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

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HELPING PEOPLE WORLDWIDE EXPERIENCE the MANIFEST PRESENCE of GOD.

Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Literary Agents, Orange, California.

Some of the names used in illustrations in this book are not actual names; identifying details have been changed to protect anonymity. Any resemblance to persons alive or dead is purely coincidental.

Unless otherwise marked, Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version. 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Other Scripture quotations are from the following sources: The Living Bible (TLB). 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. The Holy Bible, New Living Translation (NLT). 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Cover Design: Chris Tobias, www.tobiasdesign.com
Interior Design: Sharon Collins/Artichoke Design, Nashville, TN

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cloud, Henry.
Rescue your love life / by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
p. cm.
Summary: Beginning with self-examination and setting realistic expectations, the authors explore how couples can nurture and master healthy communication, build trust, and enhance the romance in their marriage-- Provided by publisher.
ISBN 1-59145-140-X (hardcover)
1. Communication in marriage. 2. Couples. 3. Married people. 4. Marriage. 5. Love. 6. Man-woman relationships. I. Townsend, John Sims, 1952- II. Title.
HQ734.C59624 2005
646.7'8--dc22

2005017347

Printed in the United States of America

05 06 07 08 RRD 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

TO ALL THOSE COUPLES WHO SEEK TO RESCUE THEIR LOVE LIVES
AND FIND THE CLOSENESS AND PASSION THEY DESIRE

Contents

DUMB ATTITUDE #1
My Lover Should Make Some Changes

DUMB ATTITUDE #2
My Lover Should Make Me Happy

DUMB ATTITUDE #3
My Lover Should Be Perfect for Me

DUMB ATTITUDE #4
My Lover Should Never Hurt Me

DUMB ATTITUDE #5
My Lover Should Read My Mind

DUMB ATTITUDE #6
My Lover and I Should Never Fight

DUMB ATTITUDE #7
My Lover Should Trust Me Without Question

DUMB ATTITUDE #8
My Lover Should Be Perfect at Sex

To our literary agent, Sealy Yates, and his associate, Jeana Ledbetter, for their guidance and encouragement throughout the entire writing process.

To the folks at Integrity PublishingByron Williamson, president; Joey Paul, publisher; Tom Williams, editor; Rob Birkhead, vice president of marketing; and Angela DePriest, managing editorfor the vision, excitement, creativity, and excellence that have helped make this book a reality.

To our assistant, Janet Williams, for her care and steadfastness in always getting those things done that needed to get done.

To our parents, Henry and Louise Cloud, and Jack and Becky Townsend, for modeling marriage for us for a combined total of well over one hundred years.

To our wives, Tori and Barbi, for their grace, their love, and the many sacrifices they have made to keep our own love lives rescued.

To the staff of Cloud-Townsend Resources, for their dedication, support, and partnership over the years.

To Steve Arterburn and the New Life Ministries gang, for all the diligence and help they bring to us.

To Bill Dallas and Church Communication Network, for their partnership and vision in giving people access to programming that promotes spiritual growth and leadership.

Special thanks from John to couples whose relationships have meant a great deal to me: Tom and Martha McCall, Ted and Jennifer Trubenbach, and Eric and Debbie Heard. You have spoken well into my own life and marriage.

And special thanks from Henry to couples whose relationships have meant a great deal to me: Bill and Julie Jemison, Guy and Christi Owen. You have spoken well into my own life and marriage.

If you have picked up this book, theres a good chance that it says two things about you: one, you would like your marriage to be loving, close, and passionate. And two, those things arent happening in your marriage as they should be.

If that is so, dont give up hope. We are glad youre here, and we want you to know that there is a lot that can be done to rescue your love life! Your marriage is worth rescuing, and this book will show you how that works.

Think back for a moment to the first weeksmaybe monthsof your connection with your spouse. What a magnet you guys were for each other! Most likely, you were somewhat obsessed with the other person. You felt strong desires, attractions, tenderness, and depth. You experienced emotions, laughter, and tears. When you were together, it was awesome. Apart, you missed the other.

And then... for whatever reason, and there are lots of them, the fire started going out. You saw a part of your mate that you didnt relate to. Maybe someone became withdrawn, self-absorbed, controlling, manipulative, irresponsibleeven hurtful. Your communication and connection werent what they had been during the good times. You began having dumb ideas about the other person, and you two started doing dumb things!

Little problems led to larger ones, and before you knew it, the desires, intimacy, and passions began to wane. In their place came distance, alienation, loss of trust, conflict, a growing numbness, and the fear that this might not ever get better. Now what do I do? Am I stuck here forever?

If this is anything like your journey, dont be discouraged. Youre not alone. Many couples have the experience of what happened to that great connection we used to have, and can we ever get it back?

Take the story of Ron and Deb, for example. When they first met and fell in love, they couldnt get enough of each other. It was romantic, passionate, and full of energy and dreams for the future. Their friends envied their happiness.

But, as it happens to so many couples, they started a slow slide into alienation, hurt feelings, and fighting. Problems turned into serious issues. There were less and less good times between them. The honeymoon was definitely over, and the reality wasnt good.

The couple tried all the usual tactics: being more positive, having more date nights, and getting busy with work and parenting. But that just made everything seem worse. Though things looked better on the outside, the two felt fake, empty, and even more distant from each other.

Soon Ron began working longer hours, and spending more time with his buddies. Deb got super-involved with the kids. And the chasm of disconnection became wider and wider, until they saw no way to bridge it. In fact, the slow slide picked up speed, and before they knew it, they were contemplating divorce.

Finally, they were exposed to the principles in this book. They began working the steps. They saw the root causes of the problems they had not been aware of. They learned how they affected each other, and the relationship. They practiced tips and guidelines to resolve issues, heal hurts, and move on toward love and passion. They began opening up again to each other, and, best of all, they recaptured the passion and intimacy they had given up on!