Shannon L Alder - 350 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage

Other books by Shannon L. Alder

300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask for a More Vibrant Marriage

300 Questions to Ask Your Parents before Its Too Late

2011, 2012, 2018 Shannon L. Alder

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ISBN 13: 978-1-4621-2873-0

Published by CFI, an imprint of Cedar Fort, Inc.

2373 W. 700 S., Springville, UT, 84663

Distributed by Cedar Fort, Inc., www.cedarfort.com

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017958784

Cover design by Angela Olsen and Katie Payne

Cover design 2018 Cedar Fort, Inc.

Typeset by Sydnee Hyer

Affectionately dedicated to my loving husband, Jim,
who continues to support all of my writing endeavors.
You are my true eternal companion!

Table of Questions

Courtship is a wonderful period. It should be a sacred one. That is the time in which you choose your mate.

President David O. McKay

(True to the Faith, Bookcraft, 1966, 317.)

Introduction

R esearch shows that poor communication is the leading reason for divorce. However, poor communication doesnt begin in marriage; it starts well before, in the dating stage of the relationship. The way we communicate in dating and courtship is key to building a solid marital relationship. Elder Marvin J. Ashton of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: If we would know true love and understanding one for another, we must realize that communication is more than a sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally (Marvin J. Ashton, Family Communications, Ensign, May 1976, 52). To share themselves totally, a couple must ask and answer questions that will help them decide if they are compatible for such an important commitment as marriage. For example, Do you really know this person? Have you asked all the questions you need to ask to make sure the two of you are compatible? Do you share similar thoughts and dreams? Does he or she live by the principles of the gospel? Does he or she have a strong testimony? Does he magnify his priesthood and live righteously? Will she or he make a good mother or father? These are just a few of the many questions I have compiled in this book for you.

We should weigh a potential spouses character and our ability to create a good relationship with that person, but we should not forget to consider past and present family relationships. We each bring to our relationships an emotional genealogy that is created by all the relationships we had as we grew up. How did our families handle money? What were their values concerning work? Did they spend a lot of time focusing on the family or were they individuals living in the same house? What about the strength of his or her testimony? Role expectations? Financial issues? President David O. McKay taught, In choosing a companion, it is necessary to study the disposition, the inheritance, and training of the one with whom you are contemplating making lifes journey (Gospel Ideals, 1953, 459).

Many couples dont ask these important questions; they believe that love is enough and leave everything else to fate. However, as the book of James reminds us, it is not enough just to believe something; we must act upon it (James 1:25, 2:1518, 3:13). We shouldnt leave things to fate. Sometimes, we are given false expectations by movies, plays, and fiction that promote the idea that there is a one and only somewhere out there whom we are intended to marry. Many people believe that finding a mate means locking eyes with them across a crowded room and instantly falling in love, and then they live happily ever after. No matter how romantic this idea is, it is not supported by prophetic counsel. President Spencer W. Kimball taught us that soul mates are a fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be beautiful, it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price (Marriage and Divorce, 1976, 16). He further states, While I am sure some young couples have some special guidance in getting together, I do not believe in predestined love. If you desire the inspiration of the Lord in this crucial decision, you must live the standards of the Church, and you must pray constantly for the wisdom to recognize those qualities upon which a successful union may be based. You must do the choosing, rather than to seek for some one-and-only so-called soul mate, chosen for you by someone else and waiting for you. You are to do the choosing. You must be wise beyond your years and humbly prayerful unless you choose amiss (Eternal Love, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1973, 11). Therefore, arming yourself with the questions to be asked when seeking your eternal companion will help you weed out those who are not compatible and will only bring sadness to your life.

This book is not a list of questions that suggest perfection is required. There are no right and wrong answers. But these questions are to be answered from the heart. No question can be asked that you are not willing to answer yourself. The prophet counsels us to be selective when choosing a mate. We should choose someone who is most compatible and will help us achieve righteous objectives. Even though a couple may be very busy with wedding preparations, it is critical that they make time to prepare for their lifetime together by exploring their relationship in more depth. Communication, along with a willingness to grow closer together, is the key to a successful marriage.

Dont let this choice [of a marriage partner] ever be made except with earnest, searching, prayerful consideration, confiding in parents, [and] in faithful, mature, trustworthy friends.

Elder Richard L. Evans (190671) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

(This You Can Count On, Improvement Era, Dec. 1969, 73.)

You use every faculty, you get all the judgment that you can centered on the problem, you make up your own mind, and then, to be sure that you dont err, you counsel with the Lord. You talk it over. You say, This is what I think; what do you think? And if you get the calm, sweet surety that comes only from the Holy Spirit, you know youve reached the right conclusion; but if theres anxiety and uncertainty in your heart, then youd better start over, because the Lords hand is not in it, and youre not getting the ratifying seal that, as a member of the Church who has the gift of the Holy Ghost, you are entitled to receive.