Nicky Lee - The Marriage Book
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Full of practical advice, this bestselling book by Nicky and Sila Lee is easy to read and designed to prepare, build, and even mend marriages. The Marriage Book is essential reading for any married or engaged couple. This resource addresses questions like:
The Marriage Course is a series of seven sessions, designed to help couples invest in their relationship and build a strong marriage. It serves as a bridge between the church and local community by recognizing the need to go beyond the social, as well as physical, walls of the church to help couples with their relationships.
Marriage Course is easy to run; the talks are available on DVD (sold separately) and each guest and leader receives a manual. If you enjoy hosting people and have a passion for strengthening family life, you could run a course!
Nicky Lee: author's other books
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The Marriage Book
2000 by Nicky and Sila Lee
All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherwithout the prior written consent of the publisher. Where an Alpha publication is offered free of charge, the fee is waived on condition the publication is used to run or promote Alpha and should not be subject to any subsequent fee or charge. This resource may not be modified or used for any commercial purpose without permission in writing from the copyright holder or the expressly authorized agent thereof.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by W Publishing Group, an imprint of Thomas Nelson. W Publishing Group and Thomas Nelson are registered trademarks of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc.
Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Thomas Nelson, nor does Thomas Nelson vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, NASB Copyright 1960, 1962, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation, used by permission. www.lockman.org
Scripture quotations marked MSG taken from The Message. MSG. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson.
Illustrations by Charlie Mackesy
ISBN 978-1-934-56465-3
ISBN 978-0-310-09302-2 (eBook)
First Printing 2008
Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook
Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.
by Nicky Gumbel
M arriage is under attack in our society. Many feel it is an outdated institution. In the United Kingdom, the number of marriages per year has been falling steadily. Those who do get married find it increasingly difficult to stay married. There has been an alarming rise in the divorce rate. What is the answer to all of this? Why should we get married? How can we stay married?
In this book, Nicky and Sila answer these questions, showing us the value and potential of any marriage. They suggest how we can not only stay married but also make the most of our married lives together.
Nicky has been my closest friend for over thirty years. We were at school together and we shared rooms in college. He has always been one step ahead and I have tried to follow in his footsteps. He became a Christian on February 14, 1974. Forty-eight hours later he led me to Christ. Nicky and Sila married in 1976. Eighteen months later, Pippa and I followed suit. Our first three children are approximately the same age. They went on to have a fourth.
After university our paths separated as Nicky went off to teach in Japan and I practiced as a lawyer. Then Nicky went to theological college and one year later I followed. Nicky and Sila returned to London to join the staff of Holy Trinity Brompton (HTB). One year later we followed. Nicky and Sila ran Alpha for five years, passing on the baton to us in 1990.
They have taught us many things. In particular, we have learned so much from the example of their marriage and family life. We have observed in their home something to which we can aspire.
Nicky and Sila have run The Marriage Preparation Course at HTB since 1985 and The Marriage Course since 1996, and many couples have found their marriages enriched through attending them.
For some, the course has literally saved their marriages from separation or divorce. For others, they have turned the water of an ordinary marriage into the wine of a strong one, a transformation made possible by the presence of Jesus Christ. For still others, the courses have provided a forum to think creatively about making a good and healthy marriage even better.
While reading this book, you may feel that the Lees marriage is too good to be true, but having observed it for over thirty years, let me assure you that it is entirely true and that it inspires us to aim for the very best.
My hope and prayer is that through this book, many more people would be able to enjoy the fruit of Nicky and Silas example and wisdom.
Nicky Gumbel
Vicar of Holy Trinity Brompton
W e would like to thank the many people who have helped us with this book. Between them, they have spent hundreds of hours reading the manuscripts and suggesting changes and additions. The book could not have been written without them. We are particularly grateful to John and Diana Collins and Sandy and Annette Millar, who have inspired us through their teaching and their lives. We are also very grateful to those who have told us stories from their own marriages, which have rooted the theory in everyday experience.
We would like to express our enormous gratitude to Philippa Pearson-Miles, Mary Ellis, and Joanna Desmond for typing and retyping endless changes with great speed, skill, and patience, and to Charlie Mackesy for the fun he has brought to our family as well as to the book. To Jo Glen, our editor, we want to say a special thank you. Without her compelling enthusiasm, humor, imagination, and new ideas each time we got stuck, this book might never have been finished. We would also like to thank Nicky and Pippa Gumbel, not only for their friendship and encouragement over so many years, but for persuading us to start this project.
Finally we would like to thank our own parents for their constant love and the model of two long and happy marriages.
Nicky and Sila Lee
Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Nickys story
I first set eyes on Sila at Swansea Docks. I was en route to South West Ireland for the summer holidays, having just left school. I was eighteen; she was seventeen. It was love at first sight. We spent two weeks in next-door holiday cottages in one of the most beautiful and unspoiled corners of the British IslesSouth West Cork. Most of that time I hardly dared believe she might feel anything for me at all. Two days before she left I plucked up courage and told her my feelings and found to my astonishment that she felt the same.
Sila was still at school and had A levels to take. I had nine months before starting university and realized she probably wouldnt pass any of them if I stayed in the same country, so I went backpacking in Africa on my own. Africa was unlike anything I had experienced before. I felt in awe of the landscape, people, and culturebut secretly I was longing to be back in England with Sila. I was lonely for much of the time and lived for the letters she wrote to the capital cities of the countries I traveled through, from Addis Ababa to Cape Town. It worked well until I reached South Africa. There had been a gap of more than six weeks when I arrived in Cape Town, pinning all my hopes on a letter being there, only to find nothing (except one from my mother). I was devastated.
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