Recorded Books Inc. - Preparing for Marriage Leaders Guide

1998, 2010 FamilyLife

Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com

Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com

Bethany House Publishers edition published 2014

ISBN 978-1-4412-6685-9

Previously published by Regal Books

Ebook edition originally created 2011

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

All Scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Contents

This overview presents the goals, format and length of the course. It also gives options for using the workbook, instruction on how to help those who have been previously married and tips for leading a small group.

This chapter gives counselors and mentors information to remember about couples in love, four goals for ministering to them, and a list of suggested resources for counseling premarrieds.

This chapter gives guidelines in finding and training mentor couples.

This chapter includes directions for conducting and evaluating the opening interview, with the needed forms included.

This chapter gives step-by-step instructions for conducting and evaluating the opening interview, with the needed forms included, and guidance for facilitating discussion of each chapter of the book.

About This Course

Preparing for Marriage was developed by a group of men working with FamilyLife, a subsidiary of Campus Crusade for Christ. FamilyLifes goal is to help you learn practical, biblical blueprints for building a godly home. FamilyLife out-reaches include:

FamilyLife Today: a 30-minute radio program featuring Dennis Rainey, FamilyLife executive director and the general editor of this study. The show airs five days a week on hundreds of stations across the country.

The Weekend to Remember marriage conferences: weekend getaways for couples that have changed the lives of hundreds of thousands of couples since 1976.

The HomeBuilders Couples Series: a group of small-group Bible studies to help married couples grow in their relationship.

For more information about FamilyLife, visit our website at FamilyLife.com, call 1-800-FL-TODAY, or write us at 5800 Ranch Drive, Little Rock, AR 72223.

A Message to Mentors from Dennis Rainey

Consider for a moment the training that most teenagers receive to qualify for a drivers license. At the age of 15 (in most states), they can receive a drivers permit if they pass a written test of their knowledge of the states driving laws. During the next year, they drive under the supervision of a parent or adult. If they are wise, they complete a drivers education course. Through hours of practice, they slowly learn the hundreds of small skills that skillful driving requires: how to accelerate and brake under different conditions, what to observe while driving down a road, how to turn onto a street or into a parking space, and so much more.

Finally, they must prove their skill by passing a drivers test administered by a state-licensed examiner. Now they have a prized drivers license in their hands only to learn that several years of safe driving will be required until they shed the costly mistrust harbored by at least one segment of societythe car insurance companies!

Now consider the requirements for obtaining another type of license. To be legally married, a couple must obtain a blood test and must state their vows of commitment before an ordained minister or a justice of the peace. Thats it. If they are wise, they will receive some premarriage counseling, but in many churches that means little more than meeting with a pastor to go over the wedding procedures.

Whats wrong with this picture?

Our society requires intensive training to receive a drivers license for one simple reason: We know that bad things happen when we allow someone to drive a car without first learning some critical skills.

Unfortunately, our society is only now waking up to the fact that bad things happen when we allow a couple to be married without learning some critical skills. I could spend pages analyzing all the reasons why Americas divorce rate has been the highest of any country in the world for the last 30 years, but the reasons boil down to this: People dont know how to be married.

Children are growing up in a culture that emphasizes individuality over responsibility. Many are raised in fractured families. Because of this they dont learn the skills needed to relate to another person on a daily basis through good times and bad, in good health or poor, during times of plenty and times of need. They dont learn how to give or experience unconditional love in a marriage relationship, and our culture and our nation is suffering because of it.

That is why we have developed Preparing for Marriage and this accompanying leaders guide. We need to help families learn how to put God at the center of their lives and turn to His Word as their guide. The best time to do this is before couples get marriedbefore they start to drive on the streets.

There are few ministries in a church more strategic or effective than guiding couples through premarriage preparation. With the Preparing for Marriage workbook, you can help couples build their homes on the foundation of Gods Word.

Since Preparing for Marriage was first published in 1997, we have been pleased to see hundreds of thousands of couples go through the workbook, usually with the help of a pastor, mentor or counselor. We often hear stories of how this resource is being used around the world. A friend says his two nieces went through the workbook at their church. A mentor couple writes to describe ministry theyve helped build at their church, where dozens of couples complete the workbook each year and other singles are asking to go through the course even though they arent in a serious relationship. Another man writes to say he has taken more than 40 couples through the workbook in Kenya. One of the couples told him they had the best premarital counseling in Nairobi. Were determined that everyone we know goes through the same program.

In many ways the new, updated edition of the workbook and leaders guide are so similar to the original that you may not notice they have changed. The biggest changes were in format. We received a great deal of feedback that couples and mentors were often confused by all the different sections, chapters and projects in the original workbook. At times they didnt understand the order in which these elements should be completed.

Through some strategic reorganization, we have retained all the original material, but it is now much easier to follow. You simply take couples through the book in the order the material is presented in the workbook:

Couples first complete two worksheets, Understanding Your Personal History and Great Expectations.