Dale Mathis - Countdown for Couples: Preparing for the Adventure of Marriage

Countdown for Couples
Copyright 2008 by Dale and Susan Mathis
All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

A Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version.

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Certain peoples names and specific details of their stories have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

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Editor: Brandy Bruce
Cover design: Ron Kaufmann
Cover photograph of couple holding hands copyright by Veer. All rights reserved.
Cover photograph of jewelry box copyright by Rubberball/Getty Images. All rights reserved.
Cover photograph of flower copyright by Steven Miric/iStockphoto. All rights reserved.
Cover photograph of calendar copyright by Gary Woodard/iStockphoto. All rights reserved.
Cover photograph of check copyright by Sladjana Lukic/iStockphoto. All rights reserved.
Cover and interior pattern copyright by Christina Rodriguez/iStockphoto. All rights reserved.
Cover photograph of bride copyright by Gina de Conti. All rights reserved.
Authors photo by Lexie Rhodes.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Mathis, Dale, 1941

Countdown for couples: preparing for the adventure of marriage / Dale Mathis and Susan Mathis.

p. cm.

ISBN-13: 978-1-58997-485-2

ISBN-10: 1-58997-485-9

1. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Mathis, Susan, 1957- II. Title.

BV835.M2765 2007

248.8'44dc22

2007031880

Printed in the United States of America
3 4 5 6 7 8 9 / 17 16 15 14 13 12

H ow can we begin to thank each of you who has influenced us and imparted wisdom through the years so that now we can share Gods truth with others? Thanks to the members of our families, especially Susans mom and our adult childrenyou have journeyed through life with us during the good times as well as the tough times. Each of you has enlarged us in incredible ways.

Thanks to our friends who have enriched our livesand to those who graciously shared your stories with us and with our readers. This book is richer because of you.

Thanks to the team at Focus on the Family who worked so hard to make this project all it can be: Larry, Brandy, Cami, Kellieand to our friends and colleagues in the periodicals and family ministry departments, especially Pam, Andrea, Sheila, and Scott, who supported us through it all.

Thanks to each of you who has encouraged and helped us see beyond our inabilities so we can tap into His abilities. We trust you realize who you are and how much you mean to us.

Thanks to you, our readers, for entrusting your hearts and your relationships to Gods Word and these pages as you get ready for the best adventure in lifemarriage.

And most of all, thanks to God. May we ever live to know You and make You known.

I [Susan] was so excited. Dale and I had driven to Estes Park, Colorado, to get away and visit some friends. We sat gazing at the beautiful mountains, asking question after question of each other and discussing the possibility of our future together. Before considering marriage, we had promised to reveal our thoughts, fears, goals, and needs to each other completely.

After our time in the mountains, every night for several weeks Dale and I went through lists wed made of things we wanted to know about each othereverything from how we were raised to finances to roles and goals to expectations and pet peeves to sex and health issues to our relationships with God, and so much more.

As adults, we had both been single for more than a decade. Wed been deeply hurt by our earlier failed relationships, and we worried that we might not be able to be successful in the future. Although we had tried to learn all we could about love, relationships, and Gods plan for marriage, being open and honest with each other made us feel very vulnerable. We realized that this kind of openness could make or break our budding relationship. But we also decided that without complete honesty, wed both be marrying a person we didnt really know.

We realized that we needed to start by establishing a solid foundation for our relationship.

Scripture says, Where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18, KJV). In addition to talking through important topics and sharing our feelings with each other, we discovered a principle we want to share with you: The best way to begin planning for your future together is by deciding now what your vision is for your marriage.

What did this look like for us? Dale and I agreed that our vision was to live the message of Jesus Christs redeeming love through our relationship. By caring for each other physically, emotionally, spiritually, and every other way, we wanted to create a fully intimate and inspiring relationship that could show our children and grandchildren, family, and friends the beauty and promise of Gods plan for marriage.

Every couples vision will be different, of course, but a clear vision for your marriage will guide, inspire, and motivate you as you grow through the stresses of life. When you have a positive and exciting vision for life together, you can work toward that goal, even when times are tough.

A vision for your marriage goes far beyond just learning and practicing relationship skills. Understanding Gods perspective is critical to the success of your marriage.

God has given us that vision in His Word. He has given us His definition of love, His blueprint for covenant commitment, and His grace-filled plan for marriage.

Lets take a closer look at Gods design for marriage.

THE VERY FIRST MARRIAGE

When God created the first marriage between Adam and Eve, He said it wasnt good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).Why? Because were all made in His image, the image of a completely relational GodFather, Son, and Holy Spirit who work together unselfishly for the good of humankind and for Gods purposes. Because we were created to be like Him, theres an inner yearning for that same deep, intimate relationship.

Ask the Expert

Author Al Janssen imagines the moment of creation and a heavenly scene in his book Your Marriage Masterpiece:

Amazing. Abdiel watched as God stepped back, glowing with pride, and the man and woman gazed at each other, touching only their fingertips. Yes, God has created two like Himself

Not exactly like Him, corrected Zephon.

No, not the same. Yet, you see glimpses of Him in the two of them together.

Zephon understood. Yes, He is three yet one. They are two yet one.

Two, maybe. But with the Creator that makes three!

By now, all of the angelic audience saw what Abdiel and Zephon had recognized. In this man and woman, joined together, God had provided a reflection of Himself for all His creation. Two incredible creatures, brilliant and beautiful, each unique, but together revealing deeper aspects of the intricate beauty of their Creator.