David Frisbie - Right from the Start: A Pastors Guide to Premarital Counseling

David and Lisa have found the marital missing link. Refreshing, practical, honest; a big thumbs up for those who minister to couples and for couples in ministry. I recommend it!

Alan Nelson
Executive Editor
Rev! Magazine

David and Lisa provide tested and trusted insights that will help any marriage better honor God and experience all the joy and fulfillment He intended when He first came up with the idea back in the Garden.

Larry Osborne
Bestselling author
Sticky Church and 10 Dumb Things Smart Christians Believe

I have known the Frisbies for more than 30 years, and they are the most authentic, clearheaded communicators of Gods truth youll ever encounter. They know this truth and they live it.

Dean Nelson
Director of Journalism program
Point Loma Nazarene University

Everywhere I turn, pastors, ministry leaders, and business executives alike are working to navigate the challenges of a complex world. In the process, marriages are taking a huge toll. David and Lisa Frisbie are doing something about it. Their ministry is helping the rest of us get beyond survival to discover marriage that thrives on the deepest levels.

Gary Mayes
Vice President
Church Resource Ministries

I have known David and Lisa Frisbie for 33 years When it comes to their commitment to helping families, they talk the talk and walk the walk. I am looking forward to the wisdom of their new book.

Kelly Lager
Iowa

David and Lisa Frisbie are living examples of what a godly marriage can look like. Its not just something they write about. They live it, every day. In a world full of so little commitment and dedication, it is nice to find people who are living what they are writing. They are writing to change the world for Jesus, one couple at a time.

Lisa Calhoun
Harvester Church
St. Louis, Missouri

David and Lisa are great listeners. Their gift is sharing encouragement, humor, and positive advice born out of real life experiences and interpreted with uncommon insight. They gently point to the great hope we all have in Christ.

Russ Calhoun

I could write a book on the Frisbies and their love for people especially young people. They care very deeply about everyone they know.

Don Cross
Pastor
Wellington, Kansas

I love hearing the Frisbies speak. They are hilarious, heartwarming, and real. Their books are like that too. But I think the secret of their success is their marriage itself: it is the closest, deepest, strongest, happiest marriage I have ever seen. They have the marriage that all the rest of us want.

Doug and Lori Fisher

The Frisbies are the most available, attentive, sensitive, compassionate, knowledgeable, and helpful pastoral couple weve known and worked with during 24 years of pastoral life.

Rodger and Sharon Manning

Speaking from the experiences of their own godly, Christ-centered ministry, David and Lisa are a blessing and inspiration to couples in any stage of marriage. Their advice, reflections, and prayerful encouragement reflect sound biblical teaching combined with practical, everyday experience.

Jennifer Motwani Hurley

Dr. David and Lisa Frisbie have been committed for over 25 years to 1) learning what makes a marriage healthy and vital, 2) modeling the needed skills, attitudes and character in their own marriage, and 3) teaching and mentoring the rest of us! They are real and are making a real difference locally and around the world!

Dave McKellips
District Superintendent
Northeast Oklahoma District
Church of the Nazarene

David and Lisa Frisbie have a heart for couples. They have spent their lives studying family relationships and are now sharing their insights and wisdom. They are gifted writers and are able to speak to the deep heart needs of their readers.

Dave Anderson
Senior Pastor
Danville, Illinois

Copyright 2011
by David and Lisa Frisbie and Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City

eISBN 978-0-8341-2781-4

Printed in the
United States of America

Cover Design: Arthur Cherry
Inside Design: Sharon Page

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version (niv). Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Frisbie, David, 1955
Right from the start : a pastors guide to premarital counseling / David and Lisa Frisbie.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-8341-2603-9 (pbk.)
1. Marriage counseling. 2. Pastoral counseling. 3. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Frisbie, Lisa, 1956- II. Title.
BV4012.27.F77 2011
253.5dc22

2011008538

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book was written as we traveled the worldliterallyin our ministry of speaking, teaching, and counseling. Because of the complexity of our schedule, portions of this book were written in locations as culturally diverse as Balchik, Bulgaria, and Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. Fragments of these pages came together in places as geographically separated as Oahu and Orlando. Because so much of this book was assembled as we traveled, we are indebted to many friends in many countries for their help and support.

This is a partial list of friends and helpers who have sent us quotations, advice, curriculum, input, and counsel as we wrote these pages. With our deepest appreciation, we thank:

Rob and Ria Kegel of Amersfoort, The Netherlands

Russ and Sheri Hose of Queen Creek, Arizona

Chris and Julie Rice of Rochester, Minnesota

Dr. Gerard and Marilyn Reed of Spring, Texas

Danny and Bonnie Gales of Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada

Chris and Sarah Foster of Manchester, England

Jonathan and Rachyl Rowden of Fullerton, California

Mark and Daphne Kegel of Utrecht, Holland

Doug and Jen Mann of Pristina, Kosovo

From beginning to end, this book was aided by family and friends, hosts and guides, an eclectic mix of spiritually-minded persons who wanted to help the book come together to bless marriages and families. While it is impossible to acknowledge each one who contributed to this books completion, we have included the list above with our sincere thanks.

We should also thank Jesse Middendorf and Jerry Porter, among others, whose encouragement, wisdom, advice, and support have graced our journey with Gods light, showing us Gods presence and participation with us. When we lack wisdom we turn to these and others, confident that we will encounter godly and practical advice for our own journey.

CONTENTS

Introduction and Counseling Overview: Laying the Foundation
The Virtues of Preemptive Healing

1. Money Matters
Issues in Financial Life

2. Bedtime Stories
Sexuality and Intimacy

3. Whos the Boss?
Power and Control

4. The Pew and You
Faith and Spiritual Life

5. All in the Family
Patterns and Problems

We dedicate our book to Dr. Norman Bloom, who did our own premarital counseling during the winter of 1977 and the spring of 1978 and performed our wedding ceremony at a small interfaith chapel on the shore of Lake Koronis in rural Minnesota in May 1978. Weve remained in contact with Dr. Bloom since that time, and he continues to minister and serve with the energy of a man half his age.