H. Norman Wright - Before You Say I Do®: A Marriage Preparation Guide for Couples

G etting married is a giant step. So is planning the wedding. This ought to be a time of enjoyment, delight, fun, laughter, and a drawing together of family members. Too often it isnt. Conflicts can occur between the prospective bride and groom and/or the couple and their parents. Keep in mind that whatever could go wrong on your wedding day may actually happen. So go to your wedding with this attitude: Something will probably go wrong, and thats all right. We can handle it. It wont be the end of the world. If something does go awry, well just fix it and go on to plan B. We can handle it. Well end up with an unplanned memory from our wedding day. Above all, have a sense of humor and a sense of acceptance.

To help you with your wedding plans, complete and discuss the following:

1. What I want for our wedding is

2. What my fianc wants for our wedding is

3. What my mother wants for our wedding is

4. What my father wants for our wedding is

5. Our wedding will take place at

6. The reason this location was selected was

7. The person most involved in planning this wedding is

8. The way I feel about this is

9. What I wish could be changed about our planned wedding is

10. I wish my fianc would be more / less involved in the planning of our wedding.

11. The person most uptight about our wedding is __________ and the reason is

12. The person we are having the greatest difficulty with while planning our wedding is

13. The way in which I would like the people attending our wedding to participate is

14. The way in which I would like the people attending our wedding to remember and be impacted by our wedding is

15. The way in which I would like Jesus Christ represented and glorified in our wedding is

The following is a benediction you may want to use at the conclusion of your wedding service.

May your marriage bring you all the fulfillment a marriage should bring, and may the Lord give you patience, tolerance, and understanding. May it be full of joy and laughter, as well as comfort and support. May you discover the true depth of love through loving one another.

Remember that every burden is easier to carry when you have the shoulders of two instead of one. When you are weary and discouraged, look to Jesus to refresh and strengthen you.

May you always need one anothernot so much to fill your emptiness, but to help you know your fullness. May you always need one another, but not out of weakness. Rejoice in and praise one anothers uniqueness, for God is the Creator of both male and female and differences in personality.

Be faithful to one another in your thoughts and deeds, and above all, be faithful to Jesus. May you see the marriage bed as an altar of grace and pleasure. May you remember that each time you speak to one another you are talking to someone that God has claimed and considers very special. View and treat your partner as one created in the image of God. Remember that you are not to hold your mate captive, but to give your new spouse the freedom to become all that God wants. May you embrace and hold one another, but not encircle one another.

May God renew your minds so you draw out the best and the potential in one another. Look for things to praise, never take one another for granted, often say I love you, and take no notice of little faults. Affirm one another, defer to one another, and believe in your partner. If you have differences that push you apart, may both of you have the good sense to take the first step back. May the phrases Youre right, Forgive me, and I forgive you be close at hand.

Thank You, heavenly Father, for Your presence here with us and for Your blessing upon this marriage.

In Jesus name, amen.

Y ou are probably about to begin one of the most important stages of your lifemarriage. Marriage contains unique and interesting potential. As one bright optimist put it, Marriage is the only game of chance in town where both players can win or both lose! This manual has been developed to help you decrease the risk element from marriage. We trust that as you and your fianc work through this program, your present relationship will be strengthened and enhanced as a prelude to an enriching, fulfilling, and growing marriage. We also hope that you will have a much more realistic perception of yourself, your fianc, and your upcoming marriage.

1. Define marriage. What is its purpose?

2. Do you believe that marriage is a contract? Why or why not?

3. How do you think your fianc will answer these questions?

4. Read the following quotations. After you have read each of them indicate which portions you agree with and which portions you disagree with.

Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.

A system by means of which persons who are sinful and contentious are so caught up by a dream and a purpose bigger than themselves that they work through the years, in spite of repeated disappointment, to make the dream come true.

Marriage is a relationship between man and woman intended by God to be a monogamous relationship, intended to be a permanent bond in which many needs are satisfiedthe need to love and be loved, the need for deep friendship, for sharing, for companionship, for sexual satisfaction, for children, the need to escape loneliness. Marriage ought to be a bond of love, reflecting the love Christ has for His people, a bond of sacrificial love where husband and wife have become one, one flesh, a unity.

Read Genesis 2:18-25

1. Who originated the marriage institution?

2. What are the purposes of marriage, and why was it originated? (See Genesis 1:28; 2:18; Ephesians 5:22-32.)

3. How is marriage good? (Genesis 2:18; Hebrews 13:4.)

4. What is a helper , in your opinion? In your fiancs opinion?

5. What does leaving mother and father involve?

6. What do the words shall cleave or will be united mean?

7. What do the words be one flesh mean to you?

8. List six ways that you can promote and maintain the oneness characteristic in your upcoming marriage.

9. List three of the most important Scripture verses upon which you would like to base your marriage relationship. (Please use passages other than Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Corinthians 13; and 1 Peter 3:1-7, as most couples automatically look to these. They are important, but think through other important passages that will assist you in establishing the type of marriage you are seeking.)