H. Norman Wright - Before You Remarry: A Guide to Successful Remarriage

Unless otherwise indicated all Scripture quotations in this book are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Verses marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible, Old Testament, Copyright 1965 and 1987 by The Zondervan Corporation, and from The Amplified New Testament, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Verses marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, Copyright 1971 owned by assignment by Illinois Regional Bank N.A. (as trustee). Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

BEFORE YOU REMARRY (Revised and Expanded)
Copyright 1977, 1999 by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402

ISBN 0-7369-0206-6

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the Publisher.

Printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

ONE
What Is
Marriage?

Y ou are probably about to begin one of the most significant stages of your liferemarriage. Marriage contains unique and interesting potential. As one bright optimist put it, Marriage is the only game of chance in town where both players can win or both lose! This manual has been developed to help you remove the risk element from marriage. We trust that as you and your fiance work through this program, your present relationship will be strengthened and enriched as a prelude to an enriching, fulfilling, and growing marriage. We also hope that you will have a much more realistic perception of yourself, your fiance, and your marriage.

1. Define marriage. What is its purpose?

2. Do you believe that marriage is a contract? Why or why not?

3. How do you think your fiance would answer these questions?

4. Read the following quotations. After you have read each of them indicate which portions you agree with and which portions you disagree with.

Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.

Is marriage a private action of two persons in love, or a public act of two pledging a contract? Neither, it is something other. Very much other! Basically, the Christian view of marriage is not that it is primarily or essentially a binding legal and social contract. The Christian understands marriage as a covenant made under God and in the presence of fellow members of the Christian family. Such a pledge endures, not because of the force of law or the fear of its actions, but because an unconditional covenant has been made. A covenant more solemn, more binding, more permanent than any legal contract.

A system by means of which persons who are sinful and contentious are so caught up by a dream and a purpose bigger than themselves that they work through the years, in spite of repeated disappointment, to make the dream come true.

Marriage is a relationship between man and woman intended by God to be a monogamous relationship, intended to be a permanent bond in which many needs are satisfiedthe need to love and be loved, the need for deep friendship, for sharing, for companionship, for sexual satisfaction, for children, the need to escape loneliness. Marriage ought to be a bond of love, reflecting the love Christ has for His people, a bond of sacrificial love where husband and wife have become one, one flesh, a unity.

Read Genesis 2:18-25.

1. Who originated the marriage institution?

2. What are the purposes of marriage, and why was it originated? (See Genesis 1:28; 2:18; Ephesians 5:22-32.)

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3. How is marriage good? (See Genesis 2:18; Hebrews 13:4).

4. What is a helper in your opinion? In your fiances opinion?

5. What does leaving mother and father involve?

6. What does shall cleave or will be united mean?

7. What does be one flesh mean to you?

8. List six ways that you could promote and maintain the oneness characteristic of your marriage.

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9. List three of the most important Scripture verses upon which you would like to base your marriage relationship.(Please use passages other than Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Corinthians 13; and 1 Peter 3:1-7. They are important, but think through other important passages that will assist you in establishing the marriage you desire.)

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Here is another definition of marriage to consider: The marriage relationship is a school, a learning and growing environment in which (if everything is as it should be) both partners can grow and develop. The relationship grows along with them. If you can see marriage as an opportunity for growth, you can be satisfied and can satisfy your spouse.

Dr. David Hubbard graphically described the marriage relationship when he said, Marriage does not demand perfection. But it must be given priority. It is an institution for sinners. No one else need apply. But it finds its finest glory when sinners see it as Gods way of leading us through his ultimate curriculum of love and righteousness. Have you ever thought about marriage in that light?

Heres another definition of marriage. Consider it carefully, and then talk over your feelings with your partner: A Christian marriage is a total commitment of two people to the person of Jesus Christ and to each other. It is a commitment in which nothing is held back. Marriage is a pledge of mutual fidelity; it is a partnership of mutual subordination. A Christian marriage is similar to a solvent, a freeing up of the man and woman to be themselves and become all that God intends for them to become. Marriage is a refining process that God will use to have us become the man or woman He wants us to become. Think about it. God will use your marriage for His purpose. He will mold and refine you for your own benefit and for His glory.

You may be thinking that when you marry there will be two individuals involved in that marriage. That is true, but there is a third party who can give an even greater meaning to your individual and married lifethat person is Jesus Christ. In what way will the presence of Jesus Christ in your life make a difference in your marriage?

Read Matthew 7:24-27. This passage talks about building your house upon a firm foundation. List ten firm foundations that make a solid marriage.

Reasons for Marriage

There are many reasons and motivating factors for marriage. What are yours? Have you ever thought about them? Respond to the following and discuss your answers with your fiance.