Wright - 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Remarried

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

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Many of the questions to ask before remarrying are similar to questions important for first-time engagements. Some of the questions, discussion points, and insights in this book have been drawn from H. Norman Wright, 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged (Harvest House, 2004).

Cover by Dugan Design Group, Bloomington, Minnesota

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101 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU GET REMARRIED

Copyright 2012 by H. Norman Wright

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

ISBN 978-0-7369-4906-4 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-4907-1 (eBook)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

T oday blended families have moved into the majority. Unfortunately, the divorce rate of second marriages is higher than first marriages. Lack of preparation and the abundance of unexpected problems contribute to this problem. 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Remarried is for you if youre contemplating marrying again, whether you are divorced or widowed. Its designed to address significant issues in advance so you can discuss differences in views and styles and establish a solid foundation of harmony before you make that lifetime commitment. This will give you a leg up for finding solutions when differing opinions and conflicts arise. Youll also discover how to better work together to resolve issues and face the world as a couple.

What will you find in this helpful book? A balance between significant and penetrating questions for you to discuss and brief, informative selections of beneficial information. The questions asked in this resource come from my experiences as a Christian counselor to thousands of couples, from conducting many marriage seminars, and from being a widower who is happily married again. Dozens of individuals who have experienced remarriage also contributed questions based on their experiences. Contemplating these questions and talking through your answers will hopefully help you create a relationship that will stand the test of time.

Here are some realistic expectations to consider if youre in a serious romantic relationship and thinking about getting married.

You can expect your second marriage to be successful if you dig in and work for the long haul.

The new marriage will be tougher than a first marriage. It will be complicated, exasperating, and tiring at times.

You can expect a slow building process.

You can expect some old scripts at times, but you are also writing a new script every day.

You can expect to want to run from it every now and thenbut you wont.

You will be able to solve the problems that often cause a run or rust mentality in second marriages.

You can expect this marriage to be different because youve learned many things from your previous marriage and how it ended.

You will be asked many questions in this book. You may feel some are repetitive. They are, and theres a purpose for that. The second time you see a question, your answer may be different because of the context or wording. This will help you dig a little deeper into your thoughts and expectations. Also, some of your ideas and thoughts will change as you work through this book and consider your views and your partners views.

So often we get caught up in our emotions and how wonderful it feels to have someone next to us when we attend events, travel, watch television, and go to church. Time together can be so exciting that we overlook how much we dont know about the person. And sometimes we dont even realize how much we dont know.

Even though time is valuable, spending it now to really get to know your potential life mate will do one of two things. It might save you from a lot of heartache and misery if you discover there are some values you cant work out or idiosyncrasies you dont want to live with. Or discussing these questions now will solidify your relationship, improve your communication, and help ease you over difficult spots when they arise because youve already covered them.

During my many years of being a Christian counselor, Ive heard so many people say, The person I married was not the same one I dated or honeymooned with. Its as though he (or she) changed overnight. What happened? The answer is simple. The person asking the question married a stranger. There was either courtship deception, navet, not enough questions asked, marrying for the wrong reason, or marrying too soon. Heres a good illustration.

Lets assume you have sufficient money to purchase a new car. You go to the auto mall where there are 16 dealerships. The lots are filled with cars of all makes, models, colors, vintages, and prices. You pull into the lot, park, and stroll over to a great looking car. Its a previously owned model (which means used ). Its been around the block a few times. But you really like the way it looks and smells. You get in, and its very comfortable. There are a number of fun gadgets, including a GPS.

A salesperson comes up and asks if he can help you. You respond, You sure can! I want to buy this car.

Great. What would you like to know about it?

Know? Whats there to know? I saw it. Ive checked it out. I like it. I want it. Lets draw up the paperwork.

I can do that. Do you have any questions about its warranty, performance, estimated mileage, or the GPS? And since its a recent addition to our inventory, we havent even put a price on it. Dont you want to know how much its going to cost?

Not really. All I know is that I want it. And you dont even have to wrap it!

Would you buy a car in this way? Its doubtful. In fact, its almost ridiculous because youd be going into it blind. So no, of course youd ask questions. Its too big of an investment to not be careful. You dont want to make a costly mistake.

Unfortunately, many people who get engaged do a similar thing. They dont ask enough questions. They like what they see, how they feel, what they enjoy doing, and thats all that counts for the moment. Their hearts flutter, and thats enough, right? After all, asking questions isnt very romantic and they may not like the answers.

The fact is that at some point in time you will discover the answers to the important relationship and lifestyle questions, whether you ask them or not. Asking them before you say I do will help you evaluate your relationship and either save you from heartache or confirm youre heading in

Yes, asking questions can be awkward and even a bit scary. And if the answers arent satisfying or raise red flags, its painful to slow down or end a dating relationship. But its even more painful to break off an engagement and cancel wedding plans or get into a marriage full of conflicts. Hopefully, the questions and information in this book will help you say, Yes, I really know this person. I feel comfortable in moving ahead or Im glad I asked these questions. Now I wont pursue this relationship. Its time to move on.