Lori Ramsey - How to Have a Romance Novel Marriage and Live Happily Ever-After: Advice on Building a Strong Christian Marriage

How to Have a Romance NovelMarriage

and live HappilyEver-After

advice on Building a StrongChristian Marriage

by Lori Ramsey

Copyright 2013 by Lori Ramsey,LARamsey.com.

All rights reserved. Published in theUnited States by Lori Ramsey.

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Cover by LARamsey.com.

Scripture taken from theHoly Bible, New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973,1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rightsreserved worldwide.

The "NIV" and "NewInternational Version" trademarks are registered in the UnitedStates Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica. Use of eithertrademark requires the permission of Biblica.

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Table of Contents

Good marriages are not a result of theluck of the draw, but are cultivated and worked on with greatdiligence and patience. The first thing to consider is the attitudetoward the marriage. Do you think of it as a temporary thing, thatif your spouse doesn't change or act like you think they should,you will just end the marriage? This is not a good way to look at amarriage and certainly not the Christian way. Marriage is acovenant, designed by God between one man and one woman. The Bibleis full of references with how Jesus Christ regards the church andin many of the examples; they are likened to that of a husband andwife with Christ being the bridegroom and the church being thebride. If you approach your marriage with this same attitude, youwill see it as an everlasting entity and will treat it accordingly.When trouble arises instead of bolting and running, you will faceit head on with prayer and respect of your spouse and work throughit.

Television shows and the movies andeven romance novels give us such a false look at what a marriage iswe often feel cheated if ours is not going like the ones we see onthe screen or read about in the book. Remember, those are fiction,not real. A real romance novel marriage starts with Jesus Christ inthe center. Add pure devotion to one another and the promise to dowhat it takes to make it work and you will have your romance novelmarriage.

Building a strong, Christian marriage takes hardwork, commitment, and deep trust in God. However, there arepitfalls that many Christian couples face along the way. One of thebiggest pitfalls that can quickly sabotage a marriage isunrealistic expectations. If youre completely honest withyourself, you realize that everyone comes into marriage with someunrealistic expectations. No doubt, there were some expectationsthat left you surprised, frustrated and disappointed after you gotmarried.

Unfortunately, continuing to havethese unrealistic expectations can quickly lead to a troubledmarriage. Its important that you and your spouse learn torecognize unrealistic expectations of marriage, of each other andeven yourself. Heres a look at some of the common unrealisticexpectations marriages encounter. Once youre aware of theseexpectations, then you can begin dealing with them together,working to build a God-centered marriage based in reality and love,not preconceived expectations.

Unrealistic Expectations ofMarriage

When couples get married, they oftenhave certain expectations about marriage. Friends, family, culture,media, education, and even the church we attend may mold theseexpectations. Once we realize that our expectations wont be met,it can be devastating and the marriage may begin losing itsappeal.

Romance and Passion isAlways Present

One of the most common unrealisticexpectations of marriages is the expectation that romance andpassion will always be present in the relationship. Romance andpassion are an important part of marriage. However, books, movies,and TV shows have given us an unrealistic look at what romance andpassion should be.

Romance novels and fairy tales bringabout ideas of romance that include sunset walks on the beach,nights cuddling by the fireplace and candlelit dinners. They talkof princes that ride to the rescue of the princess and princessesso stunning that everyone in the land is stunned by her beauty.Romantic movies include monologues of love, men who carry theirtrue love away into the sunset and passionate kisses in the rain.Television shows often focus on marriages that never have seriousproblems and every night is a night of romance.

As you read romance novels, watchromantic movies, and view common television shows, its easy tofall for Hollywoods brand of romance. It often creates thoseexpectations in your mind. By the time you walk down the aisle onyour wedding day, you already have your own ideas of how marriageshould be. You expect romantic gestures and nights of passion. Whatyou dont realize is that there will actually be nights when youretoo tired for passion, evenings when the kids ruin your romanticplans and times when financial difficulties and other life problemsblock out the thoughts of romance.

Marriage =Happiness

The idea that marriage equalshappiness is another unrealistic expectation of marriage amongcouples. Once youre married, surely youll never be unhappy, sador lonely. In reality, getting married doesnt have the power tomake you happy. Happiness must be something that comes from within.While your marriage relationship can complement your happiness, itis not the source of your joy or happiness.

When working to build a Christianmarriage, its important to remember that God is the only source ofyour joy. Without that deep faith and relationship with God, yourmarriage will never make your happy. Turn to God for your joy dont expect your marriage to bring about yourhappiness.

Christian Marriages DontHave Difficulties or Conflicts

As Christians, its easy to entermarriage with the misconception that Christian marriages dont havedifficulties or conflicts. After all, you are both Christians. Itsinteresting to note that the divorce rate among Christians is justas high as other groups, meaning that Christian marriages are notexempt from difficulty, conflict and hardships.

The benefit you have as a Christiancouple is a common faith and love for God. However, youll stillface conflicts and difficulties. The important thing is to facethese together. Work on dealing with your conflicts from a place oflove and mutual faith. There will be bumps, but you can navigatethem together, keeping your marriage strong.

Love is a NaturalReaction

Another unrealistic expectation thatcouples often have of marriage is the idea that love is a naturalreaction. You may think that you fell in love naturally, so youllnaturally love each other within your marriage relationship.However, falling in love and staying in love are two differentthings. Lasting love, the kind needed in a marriage, is not anatural reaction. Selfless and lasting love is actually a fruit ofthe spirit. You must choose that love and then cultivate it withinyour marriage. Dont expect your love to endurenaturally.

Unrealistic Expectations ofEach Other

Not only do Christian couples entermarriage with unrealistic expectations and misconceptions aboutmarriage relationships, but they often have unrealisticexpectations of each other as well. Once you begin realizing thatyour partner isnt meeting those expectations, its easy forresentment and anger to build, driving a wedge between you. Hereare a few of the common expectations spouses often have of eachother.

My Partner Should Know MyNeeds and Feelings