Steve Chapman - I Love You and I Like You: How to Be Married and Still Be Friends

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

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Cover photo iStockphoto / Thinkstock

Cover by Koechel Peterson & Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota

I LOVE YOU AND I LIKE YOU

Copyright 1989; updated 2013 by Steve and Annie Chapman

Published 2014 by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Chapman, Steve.

[Growing together as lovers and friends]

I love you and I like you / Steve and Annie Chapman.

pages cm

Rev. ed. of: Growing together as lovers and friends.

ISBN 978-0-7369-5527-0 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-5528-7 (eBook)

1. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV835.C4595 2013

248.8'44dc23

2013016742

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To our parents:

Paul J. and Lillian M. Chapman

and

N.R. and Sylvia A. Williamson

They modeled love, commitment, and sacrifice for their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

They taught us that we can be married and still remain friends.

And to our children and their spouses:

Nathan and Stephanie Chapman

and

Heidi and Emmitt Beall

Contents

by Annie

W hen the evening started, neither Steve nor I expected wed end it glaring at each other. And, embarrassingly enough, the issue we feuded over wasnt something as major as money, or mothers-in-law, or the lack of world peace. We wound up filling the room with emotional icicles overwell, you wont believe it

The evening began innocently enough. Our family was eagerly tuning-in to watch the Summer Olympics. At least Steve and our children were. Im not much of a sports enthusiast. I knew it was my duty as a patriot to watch the games, so I joined Steve and the kids in the family room. The advantage as well as the disadvantage of having only one TV in the house is that our family was forced to watch the same show. I sat down beside my beloved Steve and forced an interest in the games.

A few minutes passed, and I found my loyalty drifting. Then I saw it. There it was on the tablethe scepter of authority powered by two AA batteries. The remote control. I knew it could salvage my evening. I picked it up and, with power in hand, waited for a commercial. As soon as it came on, I searched for other entertainment options. As I flipped through the channels, I happened upon an old movie Id wanted to see for awhile. Two channels later, I found a documentary highlighting a pressing national issue I thought I ought to be informed about. Just before moving back to the platform diving competition, I paused at one of our familys favorite sitcoms.

Wed barely started watching the sitcom when a commercial interrupted. Not wanting to waste time hearing a sales pitch for a car I didnt need, I touched a button on the remote and switched over to the documentary to catch a moment or two. As soon as the documentary went to commercial, I flipped back to the Olympics.

The network was covering the equestrian competition, which wasnt big in our family and didnt interest me at all. I knew the documentary would still be in the midst of commercials, so I once again punched the remote and found the sitcom.

It only took a minute or two for me to realize Id seen this episode before, so I zapped the channel over to see how the movie was progressing.

Annie, we were watching the Olympics, Steve complained.

Yeah, I know, I said as I nodded, my eyes glued to the set. Well get back to it in a minute. I just need to see how this movie starts so Ill know whats happening if the Olympics dont get more interesting. I watched for a minute or two. Satisfied, I flipped to the documentary. (These are moments when an uncanny sense of just how long a commercial will last comes in handy.) We caught what, to me, was a key list of statistics. When they started droning on about sociological implications, I cut away to the sitcom.

Annie! Steves voice had taken on a harder edge. The Olympics!

Theyve finished all the good stuff, I explained to him as patiently as I could, which wasnt easy because I was trying to remember what happened next in the sitcom so I could decide whether or not this would be a good time to check in again on the Olympics.

That was it. Steve went for the remote control in my hand.

But he didnt understand that I have the mental capability of watching five shows at the same time while keeping them all straight in my head. He also didnt realize how quickly I can move when someone goes for the remote.

Steve and I often lead seminars on marriage, so in the interest of preserving a portion of our credibility, Ill spare you a jab-by-jab account of the argument that followed. Youll probably get the picture if I tell you that later that night, when the news ironically reported a man killed his girlfriend in a tussle over their remote control, Steve got a knowing gleam in his eye. (He was probably remembering what Mrs. Billy Graham once said when she was asked whether shed ever considered divorce: No, but Ive thought of murder!)

Later, when Steve and I were speaking to each other again, we both realized how silly and thoughtless wed been toward each other.

We Know Were Not Alone

Arguments like this are typical of married couples everywhere. Like you, we shouted our I dos from hearts bursting with love and hopes as high as the late-March sun that brightened our wedding day. But add a few years, house payments, 15 extra pounds, two kids, and too much to do, and, well, lets say weve seen firsthand how compromise and forgiveness must work in a healthy marriage. Two people can start out in love and wind up bitter enemies unless they take action to keep love and friendship growing.

On one concert trip, a couple picked us up at the airport to take us to the church where we were to sing. To get to know the husband and wife, we made polite conversation. Steve asked the husband, How long have the two of you been married? Without missing a beat, the husband responded, Eleven yearsbut it feels like eleven dayswithout any sleep.

We soon learned the husband was quite the quick-witted jokester and was only being funny. But for some couples being married for many years may not be a laughing matter. Thats not what God wants. He wants our marriages to be fulfilling, loving, satisfying.