Zig Ziglar - Courtship After Marriage: Romance Can Last a Lifetime

You and Can build a beautiful and loving marriage. Heres how.

1990 by The Zig Ziglar Corporation

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Scripture quotations noted KJV are from the King James Version of the Holy Bible. Scripture quotations noted NIV are from the THE HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. Scripture quotations noted EB are taken from The Everyday Bible, New Century Version, copyright 1987 by Worthy Publishing, Fort Worth, Texas 76137. Used by permission.

. Excerpt from Two Become One by J. Allan Petersen. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, copyright Family Concern, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Excerpt from Homemade, vol. 10, no. 12, Morrison, Colo. Used by permission.

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ISBN-13: 978-1-4185-1481-5 (eBook)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Ziglar, Zig.

Courtship after marriage: romance can last a lifetime / Zig Ziglar.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN-10: 0-7852-6027-7 (Repkg.)

ISBN-13: 978-0-7852-6027-1 (Repkg.)

ISBN-10: 0-8407-9111-9

ISBN-13: 978-0-8407-9111-5

1. MarriageUnited States. 2. CourtshipUnited States. 3. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

HQ734.Z54 1990

646.7'8dc20

90-39257

CIP

07 08 09 10 11 QW 8 7 6 5 4

To
Jean Abernathy Ziglar

(The Redhead)

Courtship After Marriage is a tribute to the most loving, loyal, insightful, and supportive person I have ever known. She has taught me much about love, marriage, and courtship while demonstrating that romance can last a lifetime and grow deeper and more beautiful with each passing day.

I love you, Sweetheart.

CONTENTS

W hen you start to say thank you, your mind turns to the many people who played an important role in an effort such as this one. In this particular case, I would like to start with The Redhead who has had a significant role in everything I have done, including this book. I would also like to thank the other members of my family for the patience and understanding they have demonstrated as I have had to skip a few of our cherished family gatherings to put the final touches on this book.

A double portion goes to Don Hawkins who did a considerable amount of the research, contributed a valuable marriage temperature questionnaire, and interpreted the results of the questionnaire from the couples who had been married twenty-five years or more and who would marry the same mate again. A special thank you also to Carlos Rosales who designed the grid that enabled Don to interpret and compile the data for the questionnaire.

My heartfelt gratitude goes to Jim Savage, our Senior Vice President, who guided the project from the beginning and whose literary insights and contributions were instrumental in maintaining order and form throughout the book. Along these lines, Im particularly appreciative of Sue Schuenemann who did such a yeoman job, starting early and staying late, in the typing and retyping of the manuscript. Her obvious delight in working on the book and her encouragement were certainly rewarding to me.

A special thank you to Dr. J. Allan Petersen for the contributions he has made through his books and his publication Happiness Is Homemade. Also to Dr. James Dobson, Dr. Richard Furman, Charlie Shedd, and a number of other authors who helped with their research and personal examples. A special thank you also to psychiatrist Paul Meier, who worked with me in designing the questionnaire for the couples who had been happily married twenty-five or more years, and to psychiatrist Frank Minirth and psychologist Charles Lowery who permitted us to use some of their creative efforts. My gratitude also extends to Ron Land, President of Zig Ziglar Corporation, who supplied me with some notable examples and who kept all the fires burning around the corporate offices while these activities were taking place.

S everal years ago while coming in on a plane (which is generally the way I fly), I noticed that the fellow seated next to me had his wedding band on the index finger of his right hand. I couldnt resist the temptation so I commented, Friend, youve got your wedding band on the wrong finger. He responded, Yeah, I married the wrong woman.

It is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right kind of person.

I have no way of knowing whether or not he married the wrong woman, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. Ill be the first to admit that its possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.

PASSION AND ECSTASY

Research, personal observation, and experience prove that stable, sound marriages are not built on the passion of the moment. A state of ecstasy and exhilaration built on emotion and feeling is not an everyday occurrence. Unrealistic expectations create serious problems in many marriages. Realistic (and positive) expectations lead to marriages that last.

Horse sense is just stable thinking.

In pursuing the long-range aspects of marriage, I discovered that a little common horse sense (which as you know is just stable thinking) is required for success in marriage. For example, TRUE HAPPINESS AND REAL LOVE REQUIRE:

A daily effort from husband and wife, including a willingness to forgive and go the extra mile to please your mate (that extra mile will burn 391 calories);

The acceptance of the fact that in all facets of the successful marriage, the point is not who is right but what is right;

The willingness to eat crow (no calories here) when you are wrong and to be wise enough and humble enough to ask your mate to forgive you; and when you are the offended party, you must not force-feed your mate this crow;

The willingness to move from your side of the table to your mates side, lovingly embracing him or her and healing the wound