John G. Githiga - The Secrets of Success in Marriage: A Book for Marriage Enrichment and Premarital Counseling

The knowledge of the secrets of success in marriage is of vital importance since no institution is as challenged as the marriage institution. In United States fifty per cent of the marriages end in divorce which has devastating effect on children. Africa and other countries are not excepted. The marriage enrichment seminar which I held In Kenya identified the following as the challenges (changamoto ) which are facing the marriage: poverty, infertility, lack of mutual trust, adultery, lack of communication, misunderstanding, rejection from the parents of the spouses, finance, lack of transparency, violence, drunkenness, addictions, lack of marriage counseling or one of the spouse going with a wrong company.

In the following pages we will focus on the secrets of success in marriage. Being a pastoral theologian, I will started from the case and then move the Holy Scripture. I have learned that any success in marriage can be supported by the word of God. Since this work started when I was working as a chaplain in the USA, most of the people whom I interviewed are in North America.

Over the years I have been intrigued by huge success of 50 per cent of the marriages is North American. As a clergy who has ministered in this country for many years, I have been astonished by the way these marriage partners have devoted themselves to their marriage and the ministry. As I give pastoral care in the Hospital, I have been astounded by the way they care for each other in sickness and death. Most of these couple grew up during the great depression and are rightly known as the builders. They are indeed the one who laid a firm foundation in the United States. I have said jokingly, if there is anything like human cloning, I would like this age group to be cloned.

I have, however, found it wise, to interview them and ask them one simple question: what is the secret of success? The question often brings a twinkle in their eye. They have openly and generously shared their stories. I have also shared with then the secrets of success and fruitfulness of our marriage. Most of the time our discussion is so interesting that they dont want us to part.

This book is about the secrets of success in marriage. It is also about the success in life and in human relationships. Some of the secrets are intriguing and interesting. Some of my interviewers have said: This have worked for us, it may not work for others. There are some of the principles which have worked for a particular personality types which may not work for other types. But there are those which are fundamental to all marriages. We are going to start with those which are not obvious particularly in the society which is regarded as a patriarchal.

The last chapter of the book draws from numerous marriage seminars I held in Kenya. The group ranged from one hundred to seven hundred. Rather than lecturing them, I engaged them in discussion. The question for discussion was: What destroys the relationship between a husband and a wife? (For more information see my book : Initiation and Pastoral Psychology p.133-144.). In all the seminars there was heated discussion. I still remember a man standing at the rear seat of 700-members church who said: We are experiencing a pull between two teachers-traditional and modern. The tradition drew from the wisdom of a patriarch society while the modern draw from a society in transition which was becoming both patriarchal and matriarchal. Interestingly, the American couples who I interview reveal that American families are both patriarchal and matriarchal.

It has also to be noted that the couple may start as patriarch in the morning of their lives, but become a matriarch in the afternoon of their lives.