Allen Hunt - The 21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage: Taking Your Relationship to the Next Level

THE 21 UNDENIABLE
SECRETS OF MARRIAGE

Copyright 2015 Allen R. Hunt, LLC

Published by Beacon Publishing

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be used or reproduced

in any manner whatsoever without permission

except in the case of brief quotations in

critical articles or reviews.

Printed in the United States of America. [1]

ISBN: 978-1-942611-13-4

ISBN: 9781942611257

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

GODS PURPOSE IS
TO MAKE THE SOUL GREAT.

Saint John of the Cross

WITH THANKS TO

Laurie Bolen, Claire Darnell,

Jake Darnell, Andrew Farr, Dee Gipson,

Ryan Lovett, Vinita Wright and many others who

have offered wisdom from their unique

and valuable perspectives.

BUT MOST OF ALL

with thanks to Anita, for she has taught

me more about love and marriage than

I ever could have imagined.

Note: Individuals and couples cited as examples in this work are all real,

gathered from a variety of sources, including my own life.

However, unless otherwise noted, all of their names and circumstances

have been modified to protect their identities.

THE REASON

I am embarrassed to admit it, but its true. When my wife, Anita, and I were celebrating twenty-five years of marriage, I finally understood a crucial secret about life. Frankly, it should not have taken twenty-five years for it to become so obvious to me.

Whats the secret? Your decision to marry will almost certainly be the most significant and influential decision of your life.

There it is, in plain words. A truth almost no one will speak out loud.

Why is your marriage decision so important? First, because your marriage will bind you in a relationship so close and so intimate that it will profoundly shape your whole future. Second, because your marriage will also deeply impact and affect the lives of the people around you for the rest of your life. In fact, this one crucial decisionthe selection of your husband or wifewill not only influence every aspect of your life; it will also affect your entire family (your parents, your siblings, your children, all of them) in ways you cannot anticipate, well after you are dead and gone.

Just think for a moment about a few key figures from the Old Testament. Jacob invested more than fourteen years to marry Rachel, and that patience set him up for a fruitful life. Samson, on the other hand, continually fell in love with various women. In the end, that proved to be his demise. King David allowed his eye to wander and became captivated with Bathsheba. His effectiveness as a leader never recovered. Solomon refused to obey God, married non-Hebrew women, and critically damaged his own reign as king.

Again, your decision to marry will almost certainly be the most significant and influential decision of your life. Perhaps thats why Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, With all vigilance guard your heart, for in it are the sources of life.

Theres no denying the truth. Marriage has a potent impact on your life. Marriage can help you become the-best-version-of-yourself and get to heaven. Or it can slowly erode you from the inside out, like some kind of relational Chinese water torture. With so much at stake in a single decision, it seems obvious that you would want to gain wisdom on marriage from every helpful source you can.

Ive earned a Ph.D. from Yale University, pastored an evangelical megachurch, hosted a nationally syndicated mainstream radio show, and written several Catholic best-selling books after being received into the Church. Ive also been married to the same woman for more than twenty-six years. These experiences have given me wonderful opportunities to view, study, and aid marriages from a perspective that is up close and personal.

As a result, this book combines wisdom from many sources. These secrets come from:

• my twenty years of working with couples as they decided whether to marry, as they worked through the normal challenges of being married, and as some struggled with marriages in crisis;
• my coaching of marriages while hosting a national mainstream radio show for eight years;
• the saints, sacred Scripture, and Church teaching;
• world-renowned marriage researchers;
• and from listening to couples while Ive been leading Dynamic Catholics Passion and Purpose for Marriage events to enrich relationships across the country.

Your life and relationship will be enriched by these undeniable secrets of marriage.

The Church teaches that God Himself is the author of marriage, and that marriage has been endowed by him with its own proper laws. (Catechism 1603) My search for the secrets of marriage comes from a deep desire to understand Gods laws for the relationship between a man and a woman.

Now, as my wife and I celebrate twenty-six years together, and with my own daughters moving toward marriage in their own lives, I am writing down these secrets for all to share. These twenty-one secrets of marriage make all the difference.

Embrace them and you will embrace life.

THE INSPIRATION

When I first heard the story of the marriage of Carlton and Maggie many years ago, I said to my wife, Thats what I want. Anita and I found their marriage so compelling that it painted a mental picture we have used ever since as a model for our own marriage. You will discover their intimate story for yourself in the first chapter of this book.

In many ways, what follows is inspired by that lifelong, life-giving love story. Their story moved me. I think it will do the same for you.

The twenty-one secrets shared here can make that same kind of life-giving marriage a reality for each and every one of us. And that is what we all hope for, isnt it? A marriage that makes us better-versions-of-ourselves? A marriage that gives life both now and eternally?

I sat with Max in a coffee shop. He was preparing to get married for the third time. Regret hung heavy as we spoke together. Reflecting on his two failed marriages, Max said, Im like a teacup that sat on top of the mantel before it was knocked off. When it fell to the ground, it broke into several pieces. You can put the pieces of that teacup back together and use it again. But you will always see the cracks where it has been glued together. Ive been cracked and will always carry that with me.

No one expects a marriage to fail. No one desires to carry the burden of regret for the rest of their lives. Deep down, every couple who gets married hopes for the best. The best version of marriage. The best dreams for their lives together. The best blessings God can bestow on a couple and a family. And the best outcome, like that modeled in the relationship between Carlton and Maggie in chapter 1.

Read this book. Each chapter focuses on a secret. Study these secrets. Talk about them with your spouse. Consider creating a group of like-minded couples to discuss them together. Embrace these secrets in every way you can.

To help your marriage grow to the next level, at the end of each chapter, you will find a recommended simple exercise to do as a couple. Each exercise is designed to give you a first taste of the power of that secret in your own relationship.