Kim Kimberling - 14 Keys to Lasting Love: How to Have the Marriage Youve Always Wanted
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14 Keys to Lasting Love: How to Have the Marriage Youve Always Wanted: summary, description and annotation
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In this fresh, insightful marriage book, Dr. Kim talks directly to couples, showing you that marriage isnt just meant to make you happy but to make you holy. Over the years, through his ministry, hes conducted countless couples surveys. He knows what you struggle with and what areas of marriage scare you. He knows what you want and what you dont want. By looking at 14 major areas of marriage, Dr. Kim shows couples how to stay on the right track. Through chapters on empathy, personal health, conflict behavior, talking, intimacy, sex, and more, youll learn how to have the happy, connected marriage youve dreamed of.
This book will change your marriage, and it will most certainly change you. If you want to know God and love more deeply in this life, 14 Keys to LAsting Love will show you how to do that.
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Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed.
Copyright 2019 by Kim Kimberling
Cover design by Brand Navigation. Cover photograph by iStock. Cover copyright 2019 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.
Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the authors intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the authors rights.
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First Edition: January 2019
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Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message, copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Kimberling, Kim, author.
Title: 14 keys to lasting love : how to have the marriage youve always
wanted / Kim Kimberling, PhD.
Other titles: Fourteen keys to lasting love
Description: first [edition] | New York : Faith Words, 2019. | Includes
bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018026344| ISBN 9781546010067 (trade pbk.) | ISBN 9781549199844 (audio download) | ISBN 9781546010074 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity.
Classification: LCC BV835 .K5426 2018 | DDC 248.8/44dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018026344
ISBNs: 978-1-5460-1006-7 (paperback), 978-1-5460-1007-4 (ebook)
E3-20181113-DANF
This book is dedicated to my amazing grandkidsSunny, Tag, Tommy, Gracie, and Eli. You each bring so much joy to my life and you inspire me to continue the fight for awesome marriages. I love you all.
There are a lot of awesome markers in a wedding ceremony: the groom seeing his bride in her dress for the very first time when she glides down the aisle; the pastor pronouncing them husband and wife; the couple, all smiles, walking down the aisle hand in hand to begin their life together. As the couple slips into their Just Married car while being showered with rice, all their hopes and dreams lay bright before them. Its a great occasion. Its a time to celebrate. Its the precursor to happy ever after.
Proverbs 18:22 says, He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord ( NIV ). What a great promise! Yet one of the really tough things for me as a marriage counselor is looking at that couple and knowing statistically that they have a fifty-fifty chance of making it. That can feel gut-wrenching.
But as a marriage counselor, I also know that every couple can make it. Not just by surviving their marriage but by building a marriage that thrives. Every couple can have the marriage God designed specifically for them. What does it take? Time, effort, and commitment. And most important? Putting God in their individual lives and at the center of their marriage, where He has to be. And putting their spouse where God wants them to be. The time and effort and commitment are more than worth it.
We will look at 14 essential keys to help you have the marriage you always wanted. This is not a checklist. It is an opportunity to look deep into your marriage and together with your spouse build something step-by-step that you both will cherish. Depending on your life experiences and where you are in your marriage, some of the keys will present more challenges than others. But when you put them all together, you will have created a template of lasting love for you and your spouse.
As we journey through this book, my prayer for you is that you will be encouraged and have hope in what God will do in your marriage. You will meet a number of couples and hear their stories. Some will encourage you, and you will learn from their experiences. Others will sadden you as you see them heading for disaster. But this I know: your marriage will be better and you will be more in sync with God than you ever thought possible. Its time to begin. Lets get going!
Commonality and More
N ancy and I were a pretty typical couple when we were dating. We believed we were alike. We were aware that we had some differences, but they seemed insignificant. We were the perfect couple who had it all figured out. Our wedding was just the first step to our happily ever after. The bubble didnt burst suddenly after the honeymoon. It was more like we let the air out a little at a time. I think we both realized as we began our second year of marriage that we had done a lot to appease each other while we dated and through our engagement. If I wanted to do something, Nancy was on board, and vice versa. We did have a lot of common interests, but we didnt have the same passion for all of them. For instance, I loved ice hockey and Nancy would willingly go to games with me. She even learned the rules and who the players were and took an interest in our local team. We shared a common interest, but this is where the difference came in: I wanted season tickets so we could go to every game. She thought that was a bad idea because there was no way we would go to every single game. Instead of agreeing with my idea that we go to all thirty-six home games, she thought eight or nine a season was a better fit for us. Common interest? Yes. Same game plan for pursuing it? No.
Matt and Christine had been married for five years and were searching for a certified marriage counselor when they made an appointment with me. They fell in love in college and continued to date as they both completed graduate school. The week after they walked the stage to accept their graduate diplomas, they walked the aisle in their church to become husband and wife. They took an abbreviated honeymoon because they were both starting new jobs. The plan was to take their extended honeymoon a year later at vacation time. That never happened.
Matt and Christine really cared for each other, and neither was trying to get out of the marriage. They just had very little connection, if any. From the day they met, their relationship was always second to school in the early years and to their careers in the later years. As we talked, they realized their common interest in college and grad school was studying and being at the top of the class. Not a bad thing, but they didnt take time to develop other interests together.
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