Marcia Naomi Berger - Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 45 Minutes a Week to the Relationship Youve Always Wanted

P RAISE FOR M ARRIAGE M EETINGS FOR L ASTING L OVE

In Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love, Mars and Venus meet on common ground at last. A wise, practical book for any relationship.

Sam Krause, coauthor of The Four Steps to a Successful Marriage

This book says it all in the most concise way possible! Newly-weds can use it to ward off trouble, and longtime marrieds can use it to get back on track. I highly recommend this manual for any couple who wants to build, maintain, or heal their relationship.

Sarah Chana Radcliffe, MEd, author of Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice and The Fear Fix

Many married people try to convey the image that all is fine behind the front door. But everyone has issues they are living with and working on or not. This book can help you turn your challenges into a rewarding life together.

Pamela Butler, PhD, author of Self-Assertion for Women and Talking to Yourself

A strong marriage is built not only on companionship and affection for one another but also on a bedrock of good common sense. This is a book of practical, good common sense and can be a boon to all those who wish to strengthen their marriage and relationship.

Rabbi Berel Wein, coauthor of The Legacy

Marcia Naomi Berger has made a brilliant contribution to couples everywhere. The elegant and coherent structure of her marriage meetings provides a much-needed, research-based ritual, which all long-term relationships require if they are to flourish. This book is full of straightforward relationship wisdom garnered from years of professional and personal experience. Bravo!

Timothy West, PhD, MFT, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist and founder of the Couples Clinic of Marin

The ideas in Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love are laid out in a comprehensive and easy-to-follow style. Whether you have been married for two years or twenty, marriage meetings can only enhance your relationship.

Francis Lu, MD, Kim Professor in Cultural Psychiatry, Emeritus, University of California, Davis

When I was married, I never would have looked at this book. Now Id jump on it. This book opened my eyes to a new way of relating. If I had known about marriage meetings back then, Id probably still be married.

Joel Blackwell, political consultant

Copyright 2014 by Marcia Naomi Berger

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

The material in this book is intended for education. It is not meant to take the place of individual diagnosis and treatment by a qualified medical practitioner or therapist. No expressed or implied guarantee of the effects of the use of the recommendations can be given nor liability taken. Names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of others.

, phone: 505-244-4041.

Text design by Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Berger, Marcia Naomi, date.

Marriage meetings for lasting love : 30 minutes a week to the relationship youve always wanted / Marcia Naomi Berger.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-60868-223-2 (pbk.) ISBN 978-1-60868-224-9 (ebook)

1. Marriage counseling. 2. Couples therapy. I. Title.

HQ10.B47 2014

First printing, February 2014

ISBN 978-1-60868-223-2

Printed in the USA on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by Green Press Initiative. www.greenpressinitiative.org

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To David, my husband

Contents

What sets okay marriages apart from great ones? The quality of love and the depth of intimacy that the spouses enjoy. In this simple, straightforward guide, Marcia Naomi Berger shows couples how to enhance the quality of their time together and how to make it really count! Although many couples fear that their happiest days have already passed after one or two years of marriage, this book shows how the best can be yet to come!

In introducing the subject of marriage meetings, Berger emphasizes the importance of beginning by addressing less provocative and more manageable issues in order to gain experience and greater confidence in the process. Couples who take this advice will minimize the possibility of feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, which can happen when a couples challenges are greater than their level of skill in dealing with them.

Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love helps partners avoid the pitfall of obsessing over problem issues by illuminating the importance of putting them aside temporarily, going off-duty and engaging in activities that bring greater play and ease into the relationship. Berger reminds us that cultivating a loving partnership isnt just about working on our relationship; its also about cocreating experiences that bring pleasure and happiness into each spouses life.

Berger emphasizes addressing feelings and needs responsibly rather than avoiding issues, and expressing appreciation and gratitude. Those practices are at the heart of this book as they are at the heart of great working relationships. They dont necessarily require massive amounts of time, and those reading this book can expect an immediate return on their efforts.

Making relationships a priority ultimately leads to each partner feeling valued and loved, and it enhances self-esteem in addition to strengthening the partnership. Many couples underestimate the amount of time and attention it takes to become sufficiently experienced and skilled in the art of effective communication. Holding weekly marriage meetings provides couples with an abundance of opportunities to practice the art of conscious contact. Those who regularly practice Bergers four simple steps with a spirit of goodwill combined with full-hearted commitment will be abundantly rewarded.

Personally, I am a big believer in marriage meetings. My husband, Charlie, and I have been holding them for over thirty years. When we were still raising kids and juggling our two careers, carving out time to get together was a monumental challenge for us. We set aside part of every Monday afternoon while the children were in school and called the meetings our sacred time. We kept a strict agreement to avoid any and all distractions and interruptions, including the phone or even the doorbell. Charlies job was very demanding, and I feel certain that without these refueling stops, we would not have come through that challenging time with an intact marriage. Those meetings saved us.