Marcia Naomi Berger - Marriage Minded: An A to Z Dating Guide for Lasting Love

Praise for Marriage Minded:

An A to Z Dating Guide for Lasting Love

Marriage Minded is the most important book to come out on dating and marriage and long overdue. It addresses so many different aspects of dating and marriage in a language that is elegant yet so relevant. I wish it would be required reading for college students for its sage advice and common-sense coaching.

SARAH KARMELY, marriage educator, marriage counselor, and author of Words to Hear with Your Heart and Stories to Hear with Your Heart

As an attorney/mediator who has helped couples unhitch for thirty years, Ive seen how most people dont have the skills to maintain a long-lasting, loving marriage. In Marriage Minded, Marcia Naomi Berger, an expert therapist, gives women excellent advice, helpful examples, and important steps to becoming happily married.

MARI FRANK, ESQ., coauthor of Fighting for Love: Turn Conflict Into IntimacyA Couples Guide

Marriage Minded begins with self-understanding, the first step for anyone seeking a fulfilling, lasting union. Youll gain intelligent, practical approaches for dating, committing, and staying happily married. The book is research-based yet practical and fun to read.

SUSAN PAGE, author of If Im So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?

For women hoping to settle down with a man, this balanced book offers down-to-earth guidance in an easy-to-read, A-to-Z format. Bergers wise advice will help build a healthy relationship.

MATTHEW D. JOHNSON, PHD, professor of psychology at Binghamton University and author of Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage

Valuable insights and tips for those seeking marriage and for those who want to strengthen and maintain the emotional bonds of the relationship they are in.

MARSHA WINER, San Francisco Bay Area matchmaker for over thirty years

Also by Marcia Naomi Berger:

Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship Youve Always Wanted

Marcia Naomi Berger has made a brilliant contribution to couples everywhere. Her marriage meetings elegant and coherent structure provides a much-needed, research-based ritual, which all long-term relationships require if they are to flourish. This book is full of straightforward relationship wisdom garnered from years of professional and personal experience. Bravo!

TIMOTHY WEST, PHD, MFT, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist and founder of the Couples Clinic of Marin

Everyone has issues they are living with and working onor not. This book can help you turn your challenges into a rewarding life together.

PAMELA BUTLER, PHD, author of Self-Assertion for Women and Talking to Yourself

When I was married, I never would have looked at this book. Now Id jump on it. This book opened my eyes to a new way of relating. If I had known about marriage meetings back then, Id probably still be married.

JOEL BLACKWELL, political consultant

Marriage
Minded

Copyright 2021, Marcia Naomi Berger, LCSW

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

For permission requests, please address She Writes Press.

Published 2021

Printed in the United States of America

Print ISBN: 978-1-64742-179-3

E-ISBN: 978-1-64742-180-9

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021908664

For information, address:

She Writes Press

1569 Solano Ave #546

Berkeley, CA 94707

Illustrations by Erica Dallman

Interior design by Tabitha Lahr

She Writes Press is a division of SparkPoint Studio, LLC.

All company and/or product names may be trade names, logos, trademarks, and/or registered trademarks and are the property of their respective owners.

Names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of certain individuals.

In loving memory of
Mollie Herman Fisch Goldfarb, my mother,
who showed you can find lasting love later in life

D o you long for a soul mate? Youre not alone. Its human nature to want a life partner. Yet because many unions dont last these days, we may hope to say I do but fear disappointment. I was like this. I had avoided commitment for so long that at my wedding thirty-three years ago, a friend quipped, Its the end of an era.

When I told my mother I was engaged, she said, Its a miracle. She expected me to stay single and avoid the heartbreak shed suffered. My father divorced her when I was thirteen. I gave him the best years of my life, she said. When she knew I was seeing someone, shed ask, Is he still nice? meaning hed disappoint me sooner or later.

So Id stopped telling her about men in my life. As far as she knew, I hadnt had a date in ten years. Get a dog, she once said. Anything to cuddle with. No wonder my news surprised her.

I believe in marriage.

Like many adult children of divorce, I was conflicted about marrying. Id trusted that my parents would stay together. Yet I still longed to marry. Cinderella married her perfect prince. So did heroines of romantic novels and movies. Why shouldnt I find mine and then live effortlessly happily ever after? My prince was out there somewhere. We just hadnt found each other yet.

A happily married coworker told me when we were both in our twenties: You dont marry a prince. You make him one. Great advice, though it took me a very long time to implement it. I am grateful to her and other mentors.

Crazy-in-love is a fantasy, but in love can be real. As Mignon McLaughlin says. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Fondness needs to be there for this to happen, as does the sort of thoughtfulness that fosters it, which is what happens when we respect each others wishes and needs.

You too can find your prince. Sometimes you may view him as perfect, although hes undoubtedly a diamond in the rough. Occasionally, you might see a frog. But if you choose your spouse wisely and apply the knowledge in this book, youll create your real-life type of happily ever after.

Ample research confirms that marriage is good for us. Marriage has challenges and also great rewards. People in a satisfying marriage have more sex, better sleep, and better mental and physical health. But a marriage that is not healthy will negatively affect ones well-being. By choosing a partner wisely, gaining knowledge about creating a gratifying marriage, and applying this information, you can succeed.

To prepare you for a lasting, fulfilling union, Marriage Minded has four sections: (1) Overcoming Obstacles, (2) Dating, (3) Committing, and (4) Marriage.

Societal pressure to marry has decreased. Economic incentives are less relevant. So why marry? New, yet often unconscious, reasons exist for tying the knot. Most of us long for a lasting union that fulfills us emotionally and spiritually, as well as physically and materially. This book tells how to create such a marriage.

Not all women who hope to marry will say so when cynics are stating marriage is obsolete. Some women dont speak about their desire because they fear people will view them as desperate.