Gary Chapman - Leaning on the Promises of God for Couples

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Leaning on the Promises of God for Couples

Copyright 2011 by Gary D. Chapman. All rights reserved.

Originally published as Life Promises for Couples (Tyndale House Publishers, 2011), ISBN 978-1-4143-6391-2.

Cover photograph of raven feathers copyright Javier Fernndez Snchez/Getty Images. All rights reserved.

Designed by Dean H. Renninger and Libby Dykstra

Edited by Bonne L. Steffen

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, second edition, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. (Some quotations may be from the NLT, first edition, copyright 1996.) Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version,NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.

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Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the Holy Bible, King James Version.

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ISBN 978-1-4964-5091-3

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Ive been privileged to counsel couples for more than thirty years, and in that time Ive seen my share of marital struggles. But what Ive also seen, time and time again, is the power of God to transform relationships. When two people commit to each otherand especially when they commit to communicating love to each other through the five love languagespositive change occurs.

Because my background is in marriage counseling, I tend to use the language of marriage when I write. Some of the issues I address are marriage specific. However, if youre a dating or engaged couple, I hope you will read this book too. There is plenty of helpful information for you as well. The building blocks of marriagesuch as good communication, respect, unconditional love, and forgivenessare foundational to any romantic relationship. And learning to identify and speak your loved ones love language will benefit a couple at any stage.

You can use this Bible promise book individually, or sit down as a couple and read it together. In just a minute or two every day, you can discover encouraging biblical insights.

Whether your relationship is strong or struggling, stable or challenging, my prayer is that this little book will encourage you and give you renewed joy in each other. May your relationship be strengthened as you focus on loving and growing together.

Gary Chapman

After thirty years of counseling couples, Im convinced there are five different ways we speak and understand emotional lovefive love languages.

• Words of affirmationusing positive words to affirm the one you love
• Giftsgiving thoughtful gifts to show you were thinking about someone
• Acts of servicedoing something that you know the other person would like
• Quality timegiving your undivided attention
• Physical touchholding hands, kissing, embracing, or any other affirming touch

Each of us has a primary love language. One of these five languages speaks to us more profoundly than the other four.

Seldom, however, do a husband and wife have the same love language. We tend to speak our own language, and as a result, we completely miss each other. Oh, were sincere. Were even expressing love, but were not connecting emotionally.

Sound familiar? Love doesnt need to diminish over time. The end of the famous love chapter of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, says that love is of great value and will last forever. In fact, the apostle Paul says that love should be our highest goal. But if youre going to keep love alive, you need to learn a new languageyour loved ones language.

That takes discipline and practicebut the reward is a lasting, deeply committed relationship.

Three things will last foreverfaith, hope, and loveand the greatest of these is love. Let love be your highest goal!

1 CORINTHIANS 13:1314:1

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

1 JOHN 4:11-12

I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.

JOHN 13:34-35

The word Christian means Christlike. In the first century, Christian was not a name chosen by the followers of Jesus. Rather, it was a name given to them by others. Believers based their lifestyle on the teachings of Christ, so the best way to describe them was to call them Christians.

What if Christians really were Christlike? Central in Jesus teachings is the command to love. In fact, in Mark 12:29-31, Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love our neighbors. These commands supersede all others, because everything else flows out from them.

Love begins with an attitude, which in turn leads to acts of service. How may I help you? is a good question with which to begin.

Today is a good day to express love to our neighbors. In my opinion, that starts with those closest to usfirst our spouse, then our familyand then spreads outward.

Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

MATTHEW 7:12, ESV

Let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

1 JOHN 3:18, ESV

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.

1 JOHN 3:1, ESV

What do you know about the art of self-revelation? It all began with God. God revealed himself to us through the prophets, the Scriptures, and supremely through Christ.

The same principle is necessary in marriage. Self-revelation enables us to get to know each others ideas, desires, frustrations, and joys. In a word, it is the road to intimacy. No self-revelation, no intimacy. So how do we learn the art of self-revelation?

You can begin by learning to speak for yourself. Communication experts often explain it as using I statements rather than you statements. For example, I feel disappointed that you are not going with me to my mothers birthday dinner is very different from You have disappointed me again by not going to my mothers birthday dinner.

When you focus on your reaction, you reveal your own emotions. Focusing on the other persons actions places blame. You statements encourage arguments. I statements encourage communication.