Gary D Chapman - You Get Me: Simple, Romantic Ways to Speak the 5 Love Languages

2021 by
GARY CHAPMAN AND JEN MICKELBOROUGH All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. Artwork by Jen Mickelborough Edited by Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse Interior and cover design: Erik M. Peterson Cover and interior illustrations by Jen Mickelborough Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Chapman, Gary, author. | Mickelborough, Jen, author. Title: You get me : simple, romantic ways to speak the 5 love languages / Gary Chapman and Jen Mickelborough.

Description: Chicago : Northfield Publishing, 2021. | Includes bibliographical references. | Summary: In You Get Me, find simple, practical ideas for how to infuse your relationship with excitement, joy, and intimacy as you love your beloved in the ways that mean the most to him or her. From planning spontaneous dinners to warm embraces, learn ways to communicate your love in every love language-- Provided by publisher. Identifiers: LCCN 2020039926 (print) | LCCN 2020039927 (ebook) | ISBN 9780802422682 (paperback) | ISBN 9780802499424 (ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Interpersonal relations. | Love. | Love.

Classification: LCC HM1106 .C4843 2021 (print) | LCC HM1106 (ebook) | DDC 302--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020039926 LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020039927 We hope you enjoy this book from Northfield Publishing. Our goal is to provide high-quality, thought-provoking books and products that connect truth to your real needs and challenges. For more information on other books and products that will help you with all your important relationships, go to northfieldpublishing.com or write to: Northfield Publishing
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Chicago, IL 60610 In loving memory of David Andrew19752019Big brother, listener, encourager. First of our generation, he will always be missed.

I wrote the first version of this book in a little spiral-bound notepad sixteen years ago, in the first year of our marriage. My husbands (Frans) great act of love to me was renovating our house from top to bottom, but actually what I wanted was to take a walk together, to go for a coffee, or sit and snuggle while we watched TVsimple, everyday ways to connect and feel loved.

When we made our vows, we were happy and earnest but had no idea of the work, commitment, and service that would be involved. But we learned, and are still learning. For us, these simple gestures have either been the icing on the cake in good times, or created a climate of love and tenderness in the tough times. When theyve been neglected, our connection has suffered. When theyve been invested in, our connection has flourishedtheyve helped unite us. The little things can make a big difference, and I encourage you to try it too.

If your relationship is thriving, try it and see the joy multiply. If your relationship is struggling, try it and see connection and tenderness grow as you invest in meeting your partners love needs.

Perhaps you have read the original book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, and are familiar with the five love languages. If not, here is the basic concept and a brief description of the love languages. Most of us assume that what makes us feel loved will also communicate love to someone else. That is a false assumption.

What I (Gary) discovered in counseling couples is that each of us has a primary love language, and if we dont receive love in that language, we will not feel loved. So, the wife says, I feel like you dont love me. The husband responds, How could you say that? I wash your car every Saturday, I vacuum on Thursday nights, and help you with the laundry. Why would you not feel loved? The answer is simple. While she appreciates those acts of service, that is not her primary love language. She feels loved when you take walks with her or have an extended conversation with her.

The husband is sincere, but he is missing her emotionally. So here is a brief description of the five love languages. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION using words to express appreciation and gratitude. You look nice in that outfit. One of the things I appreciate about you is The words may focus on the way the person looks, a personality trait, something they have done for you, or their positive attitude. QUALITY TIME giving the person your undivided attention.

This can be done over a meal or simply sitting on the couch for an extended conversation. It may be doing a project together, such as planting a flower garden. The important thing is not what you are doing but that you are doing it together. This was the primary love language of the lady noted above who wanted to take walks with her husband. GIFTS giving gifts is a universal expression of love. The gift says, They were thinking about me.

Look what they got for me. The gift need not be expensive. Havent we always said, Its the thought that counts? If this is the other persons primary love language, then gifts will speak deeply of your love. ACTS OF SERVICE doing something for the other person that you know they would like for you to do. This is spoken in such things as cooking meals, washing dishes, walking the dog, etc. This is the language the husband noted above was speaking in washing her car, vacuuming, and helping with the laundry.

The old saying Actions speak louder than words is true if Acts of Service is their love language. PHYSICAL TOUCH affirming touches that say, I love you. Parents speak this language when they hold and cuddle their baby. In marriage, this includes such things as holding hands, kissing, hugging, or sitting close to each other as you watch a movie. Out of these five, each of us has a primary love language. One speaks more deeply to us emotionally than the other four.

If we dont speak the other persons primary love language, they will not feel loved, even though we are speaking some of the other languages. This explains why we can be sincere but still miss each other emotionally. Dont hear me saying that we should speak only their primary love language. We give heavy doses of the primary and then sprinkle in the other four for extra credit. The other languages are more meaningful if we are consistently receiving love in our primary language.

Its simplejust start trying out the different ideas! You might find it helpful to set a regular reminder on your phone to try one. Its simplejust start trying out the different ideas! You might find it helpful to set a regular reminder on your phone to try one.

Some may take a little more planning, like booking a restaurant or finding an attraction to visit, but many can be acted on or put into action without any additional work. If youre not sure what your partners primary love language is, dont worrytheres a simple way to find out. One of the best ways to find your love language and your partners is for the two of you take the free 5 Love Languages profile assessment at 5lovelanguages.com. Or you may also decide to just try the ideas presented in this book and note your partners responsewas it positive, neutral, or negative? Dont forget that all five love languages can be meaningful to them and that the way they receive love may change depending on the circumstances of their life at any given time. At the , youll find some pages where you can note: when you try an idea how it goes any variation you might try an asterisk column for your partner to mark ideas that would mean a lot to them There are also some blank pages where your partner can add any ideas that would be particularly meaningful to them. Weve included variations on ideas so you can choose what feels most natural to you or where budget or time availability may affect what youre able to do.