Gary D Chapman - The 5 love languages of children: the secret to loving children effectively

N ORTHFIELD P UBLISHING
CHICAGO

1997, 2005, 2012
BY G ARY C HAPMAN AND R OSS C AMPBELL

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Chapman, Gary D.
The 5 love languages of children / Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-8024-0347-6
1. Child rearing. 2. ParentingPsychological aspects. 3. Love.
I. Campbell, Ross II. Title. III. Title: Five love languages of children.
HQ769.C395 2012
649.1dc23

2011036535

Edited by Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse

Cover and interior design: Smartt Guys design
Gary Chapman photo: Mike Apple
Ross Campbell photo: Boyce Shore and Associates

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T HE 5 L OVE L ANGUAGES OF C HILDREN

physical touch
words of affirmation
quality time
gifts
acts of service

L OL. Sweet! BFF. Our children at times speak a language we may not, at first, fully understand. And they dont always understand what we say. But of all the ways we misunderstand one another, perhaps the most harmful is to not properly communicate love to our children. Can you speakand do you speakyour childs love language?

Every child has a primary language of love, a way in which he or she understands a parents love best. This book will show you how to recognize and speak your childs primary love language as well as the four other love languages that can help your child know you love him or her. As we will see, your child needs to know he is loved in order to grow into a giving, loving, responsible adult.

The 5 Love Languages of Children will introduce you to all five love languages of children and help you determine the primary languages in which your child hears your love. Be careful to read all five chapters (26) that describe the love languages, as your child will benefit from all five ways of receiving love. Yes, we believe your child perceives your love best from one of the five languages, but the other four ways of showing your love also will benefit him. Besides, over time, your childs primary love language may change.

For these reasons, each chapter on the love languages will begin by pointing out the importance of that specific love language for your child. Even though that chapter may not describe your childs primary love language, learn to speak that language as well. Practice all five love languages and you can be sure your child will sense your love. To help you do this, each of these chapters ends with practical ideas for helping you speak that love language with your children.

In this book we will emphasize the importance of love in rearing your child. The ultimate goal is to rear your child (or children) to become a mature adult. All aspects of a childs development require a foundation of love. As a book about learning to better love your child, The 5 Love Languages of Children includes suggestions throughout for good parenting. As you work on those areas that are most important, you will find that your family relationships will be stronger and also more relaxed and enjoyable. For instance, in our discussion of discipline (), you will learn that two key words to keep foremost in your mind are kind and firm. Just as love covers a multitude of sins, so being kind but firm will cover a multitude of parenting challenges.

But how can you figure out your childs love language? .

And now, some personal words from each of us as you begin this language course to improve the way you speak love to your children.

The success of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts has been gratifying. Millions of couples have not only read the book, but have practiced its principles. My files are filled with letters from couples all over the world expressing gratitude for the difference the love languages have made in their marriages. Most tell me that learning the primary love language of their spouse has made a radical change in the emotional climate of their home, and some have credited the book with actually saving their marriage.

This book grew out of the many requests I received to write a book on the five love languages of children. Because my professional career has focused on marriage counseling and enrichment, I was reluctant at first to write about children, even though I received hundreds of reports from parents who applied the concept of the love languages to their children.

When Northfield Publishing talked with me about doing such a book, I contacted my friend of many years, Ross Campbell, to ask him to coauthor the book with me. To my delight, Ross agreed. Ross has spent many years in psychiatric medicine, with a focus on the needs of children and adolescents. I have long admired the quality of his work, have profited from his writing, and have appreciated our personal contact through the years.

Just as the original book on love languages has helped so many people in their marriages, so now I hope and pray that this book will aid countless parents, teachers, and others who love and work with children to become more effective in meeting the emotional need children have for love.

Gary Chapman, PhD
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Gary Chapman and I have both devoted our careers to writing and speaking about love. Gary has been helping thousands of couples find deeper meaning in their relationships, while I have been writing and leading seminars for parents in their critically vital but wonderfully rewarding tasks of rearing their children. Even though I have known Gary for decades, I had not realized that our messages were so similar. I discovered this positive fact when I read his meaningful book The 5 Love Languages. The parallels to my books, How to Really Love Your Child and How to Really Love Your Teenager, were supportive and encouraging.

The emphasis I particularly liked in Garys book was that each of us has a primary love language. If we identify this particular love language in our spouse and also in ourselves, we can use this priceless knowledge to enhance our marriage. There are wonderful applications of this for children, because each child has his or her own way of giving and receiving love. As Gary became aware of this, the present book was a natural outcome of the similarities in our work.

I am grateful for the privilege of working with Gary on this critically important book. I sincerely believe it will help parents and others who care about children to fill the deepest needs of the children they love. Please join us on this journey as we explore the five love languages of children.