Recommended Reading
Aaron T. Beck, Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems through Cognitive Therapy (New York: Harper & Row, 1988).
Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (Chicago: Northfield, 2010).
Tim Clinton and Gary Sibcy, Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2009).
Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2002).
Emerson Eggerichs, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004).
Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth , 3rd. ed. (New York: HarperCollins, 1998).
John M. Gottman and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Countrys Foremost Relationship Expert (New York: Crown, 1999).
Willard F. Harley Jr., His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (Grand Rapids, MI: Revell, 2011).
Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2008).
Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (New York: Riverhead, 2013).
Kevin Leman, Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale, 2003).
Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah, 2005).
Andrew Murray, Humility: The Beauty of Holiness (Old Tappan, NJ: Fleming H. Revell, 1997).
Les and Leslie Parrott, The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer (Brentwood, TN: Worthy, 2013).
Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partners Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2012).
Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2002).
Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook, 2013).
Milan Yerkovich and Kay Yerkovich, How We Love: Discover Your Style, Enhance Your Marriage (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook, 2008).
About the Author
Dr. Chris Thurman is a psychologist, an author, and a popular seminar speaker. Chris and his wife, Holly, have been married for thirty-four years and have three children, Matt, Ashley, and Kelly, whom Chris and Holly think hung the moon. In his spare time, Chris is an avid golfer, a Texas Longhorn fan, and a home improvement aficionado.
If you are interested in Chris doing a seminar for your church or organization, please feel free to contact him through his website at drchristhurman.com.
To Holly
I am a very rich man because of you.
*
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Proverbs 31:10
CONTENTS
Lie #1: The purpose of marriage is to be happy
Lie #2: My spouse can completely meet all my needs
Lie #3: My spouse is a bigger mess of a human being than I am
Lie #4: I am entitled to my spouses love
Lie #5: Our marital problems are all my spouses fault
Lie #6: My spouse should accept me just the way I am
Lie #7: My spouse should be just like me
Lie #8: I see my spouse for who my spouse really is
Lie #9: My spouse has to earn my forgiveness
Lie #10: We can reconcile without repenting
Staying on the Path of Renewing Your Marriage
: Biblical Teachings on Truth
: Marital Lies versus Marital Truth
Notes
Chapter 1Attitude Is Everything in Marriage
.M. Scott Peck, ed., Abounding Grace: An Anthology of Wisdom (Kansas City, MO: Andrews McMeel, 2000), 1920.
Chapter 2And They Lived Happily Ever After
.Fred Bronson, The Billboard Book of Number One Hits , 5th ed. (New York: Billboard Publications, 2003), 221.
.BMI Announces Top 100 Songs of the Century BMI, December 13, 1999, www.bmi.com/news/entry/19991214_bmi_announces_top_100_songs_of_the_century.
.Happy Together, words and music by Garry Bonner and Alan Gordon, on Happy Together , recorded late 1966April 1967 (Los Angeles: White Whale Records, 1967).
.M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth , 25th anniversary ed. (New York: Touchstone, 2003), 81.
Chapter 3You Complete Me
. What about Bob? , directed by Frank Oz (Burbank, CA: Touchstone Pictures, 1991).
.David and Teresa Ferguson, Intimate Encounters: A Practical Guide to Discovering the Secrets of a Really Great Marriage (Austin, TX: Intimacy Press, 1997).
. Jerry Maguire , directed by Cameron Crowe (Culver City, CA: TriStar Pictures, 1996).
Chapter 4The Plank in Your Eye
. The War of the Roses , directed by Danny DeVito (Los Angeles: Twentieth Century Fox, 1989).
Chapter 6It Takes Two to Tango
. Mr. and Mrs. Smith , directed by Doug Liman (Los Angeles: Regency Enterprises, 2005).
. Mr. and Mrs. Smith .
.M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth , 25th anniversary ed. (New York: Touchstone, 2003), 35.
Chapter 7I Yam Who I Yam
.Ive Gotta Be Me, music and lyrics by Walter Marks (Burbank, CA: Reprise, 1968).
.Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapists View of Psychotherapy (New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1961), 28384.
.Frederick S. Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim (Boulder, CO: Real People Press, 1969).
.Just the Way You Are, words and music by Billy Joel (New York: Columbia Records, 1977).
.Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics , trans. Harris Rackham (Ware, Hertfordshire: Wordsworth, 1997), 27.
Chapter 8Opposites Attract Annoy
.Charles Lowery, Comic Belief Volume 1 (Irving, TX: 6Acts Press, 2004), 39.
.Adapted from the American Psychiatric Association, DSM-IV and DSM-5 Criteria for the Personality Disorders , www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carrerasdegrado/psicologia/sitios_catedras/practicas_profesionales/820_clinica_tr_personalidad_psicosis/material/dsm.pdf.
.How Great Thou Art, words and music by Stuart K. Hine (Valencia, CA: Manna Music, 1953).
.You Cant Always Get What You Want, words and music by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards on Let It Bleed (London: London Records, 1969).
Chapter 9I Can See Clearly Now
.Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover, words and music by Paul Simon on Still Crazy After All These Years (New York: Columbia Records, 1975).
.Aaron T. Beck, Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems through Cognitive Therapy (New York: Harper & Row, 1988).
.David D. Burns, Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work (New York: Broadway, 2008).
Chapter 10Lets Make a Deal
.The Heart of the Matter, words and music by Don Henley, Mike Campbell, and J. D. Souther on The End of the Innocence , recorded 198889 (New York: Geffen Records, 1989).
.Joyce Meyer, Beauty for Ashes: Receiving Emotional Healing (New York: Warner Books, 1994).
. Unbroken , directed by Angelina Jolie (Burbank, CA: Legendary Pictures, 2014).