Henry Cloud - 21 Days to a Great Marriage: A Grownup Approach to Couplehood

Days
to a
Great
Marriage

A Grownup Approach to Couplehood

Days
to a
Great
Marriage

A Grownup Approach to Couplehood

DR. HENRY CLOUD & DR. JOHN TOWNSENDA

2006 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ thomasnelson.com.

Helping people worldwide experience the manifest presence of God.

Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP Attorneys and Literary Agents, Orange, California.

Some of the names used in illustrations in this book are not actual names; identifying details have been changed to protect anonymity. Any resemblance to persons alive or dead is purely coincidental.

Unless otherwise marked, Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version. 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Cover Design: Andrew Brozyna, ajbdesign.com
Interior Design: VisibilityCreative

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cloud, Henry.

21 days to a great marriage : a grownup approach to couplehood / by Henry
Cloud and John Townsend.
p. cm.
Summary: Relationship principles in a powerful 21-day program designed for todays busy couples--Provided by publisher.

ISBN-13: 978-1-59145-481-6 (hardcover)
ISBN-10: 1-59145-481-6 (hardcover)

1. Marriage--Religious aspects--Christianity. 2. Man-woman relationships--Religious aspects--Christianity. I. Townsend, John Sims, 1952- II. Title.

BV835.C591 2006
248.844--dc22
2006023078

Printed in the United States of America

06 07 08 09 LBM 6 5 4 3 2 1

Contents

Introduction How to Get the Most
Marriage Mileage Out of This Book

You may have picked up this book for any number of reasons, such as:

Youre in a good marriage, but you want it to be even better.

Youre scrambling for answers in your marriage, aware that its nowhere near great at this point.

You and your mate periodically work through a marriage book together to keep your relationship fine-tuned and humming.

Your spouse handed you this book to you with that look in his or her eye that says, Get a clue.

Youre single or engaged, hoping to get your upcoming marriage started on the right foot.

Youre widowed or divorced and intent on getting it right the next time.

No matter how or why you got to this point, were glad youre here. We want you to know that, wherever youre starting from, youve embarked on a twenty-one day journey that will, if you stick with us and do the work, make a great, positive difference in your marriage. Weve shared these principles with literally thousands of people, and those who diligently worked them into their relationships have become better spouses and are enjoying great marriages. Were confident it will happen for you too.

But before you hit the road on this life-changing, marriage-improving journey, here are a few tips to help you get the most mileage from your effort.

You will benefit even if your partnerdoesnt read this book.

We think its ideal that you and your spouse read the book and work through the exercises together. But if he or she isnt quite ready for that process, your marriage will still profit greatly if you start the journey alone. Great marriages result as each partner focuses on himself or herself, determined with Gods help to be the best mate he or she can be. As you grow through these principles, your marriage will likely improve even if your mate isnt with the twenty-one day program yet.

You will get the most mileage when yougo beyond just reading.

At the end of each chapter you will find an application section headed, Think about It, Talk about It, Live It. The questions and exercises we provide there are designed to help you translate principles for a great marriage into the day-by-day expression of your marriage relationship.

If you are taking this journey as a couple, we suggest that you read each chapter alone as individuals. Think through the application section, jot down some notes, and decide how you personally will respond to the principle of the day. Then get together with your spouse to share with each other your insights and responses from the chapter. If you are taking this journey alone, dont skip the application section. Work through the questions and exercises as they apply to you, even if you cant share them with your spouse right now. If the opportunity arises to share with your partner from what youre reading, make sure its about what God is doing in you, not what you think your partner needs to do. A great marriage is about changing yourself, not your mate.

Each chapter ends with a Great Marriage Commitment crystallized from the principle under discussion. Consider concluding your discussion of each chapter by sharing this commitmentor something similar in your own wordswith each other verbally. Then take a few moments to pray together, asking God to help you live out each great marriage commitment.

You can slice 21 days a number of ways.

Were not saying that you have to clear your calendar for three weeks and push through this book a chapter a night. Here are several different ways to get through the twenty-one days.

If you and your partner are working through the book together:

Set your own twenty-one day schedule. For example, how about setting aside twenty-one consecutive Tuesday evenings or Saturday mornings? Or perhaps you can set aside two or three evenings each week. The daily schedule you choose should allow each of you unhurried time for personal reading and thought before you talk.

Consider taking the journey in twenty-one weeks with another couple or a small group of couples. For example, do the work as individuals and a couple as suggested above. Then meet together as a small group one evening a week to talk about each couples progress, encourage one another, pray for one another, and hold each other accountable.

Plan a great marriage vacation or retreat just for the two of you. If you have the luxury to do so, get away for a week and work through the book in a concentrated fashion, dealing with three chapters a day for seven days. Or set up a series of weekend retreats and tackle two or three chapters at a time.

If you are beginning this journey without your spouse, you can select a pace that best suits your schedule and needs. You might think about meeting periodically with a few friends who will work through the book with you. Just dont make your spouse feel uncomfortable, wondering if youre talking about him or her. You can simply say something like, Im meeting with some girlfriends to discuss how we can be better wives.

Your marriage can become greater andgreater and greater

The intent of this book is not to certify your marriage as great the same way you earn a diploma or a merit badge. A great marriage is an ongoing process, not a plateau of achievement. We hope you can say at the end of this book that your marriage is greater than it was when you started. But we hope you never say that your marriage is as great as it can be.