Gary Smalley - I Promise: How Five Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage

I Promise

I Promise

HOW 5 COMMITMENTS
DETERMINE THE DESTINY
OF YOUR MARIAGE

DR . GARY SMALLEY

2006 by Gary Smalley

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson.
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All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be produced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in association with the literary agency of Result Source, Inc., 3651 Peachtree Pkwy., Suite 330, Suwanee, GA 30024 and the Gibson Group, 2085 Lakeshore Dr., Branson, MO 65616.

Cover Design: Christopher Tobias, Tobias Outerwear for Books
Interior Design: Julie Whaley, Chickadee Design

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

ISBN: 9-781-59145-386-4 (hardcover)
ISBN: 9-781-59145-540-0 (international tradepaper)

Printed in the United States of America

07 08 09 10 QW 9 8 7 6 5 4 3

This book is dedicated to the readers:
In all my years of writing and speaking to married
couples around the world, I am always mindful that God
has chosen my path. Not just the marriages I
encounter that are hurting and struggling, but also
the ones that are good but want to be great! So it
is to you, my dear readers, that I so appreciate you
taking the time to value this book. May you find
great encouragement in the following pages and
know that Ill be praying for you.

Gods richest blessings in your marriages!
Gary

CONTENTS

PART ONE
Security: The Secret to a Great Marriage

PART TWO
The Five Promises that Create Security

I wish to thank God first and foremost. Nothing I do could be accomplished without His wisdom, Word, and power.

And...

Thank you, Tom Williams, for all your patience and your gift of writing. God has truly blessed you with the gift of eloquence.

Thank you, Joey Paul, for having faith in me and guiding the entire project. Working with you is always a joy!

Many, many thanks to Dr. Greg Smalley who not only helped me understand this message, but helped me arrange it in this book. You are the best!

Thank you to Doug Slaybaugh and Buddy Owens for your faith in my message and the wonderful opportunity to work together. It was such a blessing to become friends and catch your passion for couples!

Also, my special appreciation goes to the many individuals at Purpose Driven Ministries that are behind the scenesfor doing their part in making this all happen.

A huge, big thank-you to my writing teamTerry Brown, Ted Cunningham, and Sue Parksfor keeping things flowing and for challenging me. Without you this book wouldnt have taken shape.

And just as important, thank you to my outstanding wife for being my constant cheerleader and dream maker. I love you, Norma!

I Promise

PART ONE
Security:
The Secret to a
Great Marriage

CHAPTER 1
Why Promise?

A ll husbands have experienced it. You are sleeping soundly when your wife shakes you awake and whispers: Honey, I hear a noise downstairs. I think someone is in the house! Go check.

Begrudgingly you roll out of your warm bed, half asleep and a little irritated at having to check out what is sure to be yet another false alarm. But you dutifully set out to face whatever imagined evil is lurking downstairs. As usual, you find that its a possum or some similar critter pattering on your porch. You mumble your findings to your wife and crawl back into bed, utterly oblivious to the fact that what has been a minor irritation to you is her greatest fearthe fear that she is not secure. Every husband on the planet has had this experience. Im convinced that my main value in the marriage is to investigate noises and get rid of spiders.

At 4:20 a.m. on October 6, 2004, Normas greatest fear materialized. Only this time I was out of town. She was alone.

It all started when the sound of glass breaking jolted her awake. She jumped out of bed and immediately checked to see if the bedroom door was locked. It was. Soon she heard more noises, first like the sound of someone screaming, then moments later something like the sound of an eerie chant. Norma was terrified.

Could it be Michael or Greg, she wondered. Are my sonsplaying some kind of prank? If they are, Ill hurt them. This isntfunny. Please, Lord, Norma prayed under her breath, Let this be a joke. But it certainly didnt have the feel of a joke.

And it wasnt. In the early morning hours a man had broken into our home. As we discovered later, he had overdosed on methamphetamines and was having a druginduced psychotic episode. (A year later he was sent to a criminal mental institute.)

This man had jumped off his sixteen-foot balcony and shattered his ankle. He limped across the street, dragging his foot behind him, and crashed through our garage window falling hard on the glass and debris and cutting himself severely. But he felt no pain because of the methamphetamines. Bleeding profusely, he broke through the garage door and entered our home. He was convinced that demons were out to kill him as he careened through our house, knocking over furniture and wrecking our decor. From where Norma hid, the noise seemed deafening. She was sure that he would find her; it was simply a matter of time.

As fear tightened its grip on her, she instinctively did the exact thing TV talk show hosts had taught her. She ran into the bathroom and locked herself in the toilet area. The intruder would have to break through three heavy doors to get her. Norma then dialed 911. (I am so thankful that we followed through on installing a phone in our bathroom!) Within three minutes a police officer arrived, but he couldnt enter our home because he wasnt sure how many people were inside. He needed backup. So he waited in our driveway for additional officers to show up.

Meanwhile, Norma endured twenty minutes of this man screaming, chanting, and destroying our stuffthe longest twenty minutes of her life. Several times she heard him screaming so close that she was terrified that he was about to burst through the door into our bedroom. Hes coming in, hes coming in, she cried to the 911 operator. The operator reassured Norma that the police were ready to burst in if he actually entered the bedroom. Ultimately the deranged man barricaded himself against his demons inside the closet of a second floor bedroomthe room right above Norma.

When the police finally apprehended this man, they found blood on the door handle of our bedroom. He had ventured all the way to our bedroom door, but for some reason he had stopped. Norma believes to this day that Gods angels stood there with their hands outstretched, telling him that he could go no further.