M. Gary Neuman - Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship

W hen I refer to my writing or work, I often slip and accidentally say things like, We felt or We discovered. It's not that I speak in the royal we, but that I know that although only my name is listed as author, there have been so many who have contributed to this work through helping me develop as a person and writer as well as assisting directly with this work.

My dearest Michal, I could not recognize myself without you. I thank you not only for your unconditional love, intoxicating passion, enlightening life lessons, exceptional mothering of our children, and warm energy to help others, but for allowing yourself to be one with meto look beyond you or me and work to find an us that travels wherever we decide to go together, forever. I am proud to be your partner. I love you with everything I am. Thank you.

I've always felt it peculiar to thank one's parents; how could what they've done for you be summed up in words? Yet I must thank you, Mom and Dad, for a lifetime of love and support. Growing up in this world has been a joyous experience that has allowed me to search for who I am. You offered me consistent love, warmth, and undying energy while respecting me enough to allow me to find my way, always letting me know you'd be there for me at every step. I am eternally grateful and will hopefully carry on your trait of giving and loving others.

My in-laws, Stuart and Rochelle, Mom and Dad, have shown me love in so many ways. You've given of your time and energy and have offered support and help in everything I do. The looks on your faces always tell me how much you care and I love spending time with you. You're always on call, whether to read through hundreds of pages of material within two days or to celebrate our happiest moments together. Thanks for always laughing so heartily at my jokes, even when I know they're not very good.

I have been blessed again and again with wonderful children. To Yehuda, Esther, Mikey, Pacey, and Danny, thank you for your love. You are so young yet so loving, warm, and wise. Thank you for your excitement over my work and the pride you take in what I do. Thanks for understanding when I'm overtired. I love you so much. I like you so much. You have enriched my life and my marriage to Mom. Your smiles are contagious, your curiosity is enlightening, your hugs offer peace, and your love makes me feel like the most special person on earth. I love you.

My editor, Betsy Rapoport, you have meant more to me professionally than you know. You believed in me, worked with me to develop this book, and have offered me a respect that has filled me with confidence and greater hope for helping others. Thank you for your positive outlook, upbeat nature, quick humor, and great discussions about my work, which have helped me better express myself. Even though we will never do coffee, I deeply appreciate your help and friendship. Thank you for the energy you put into this book. You've made me look good once again.

I have yet to call my brother Craig any time of the day or night and ever have him say to me that he cannot talk right then. You're so kind and you don't even know it. Thank you for your brotherly love and advice. You give so much, take so little, and make it all look so easy. Thank you, Jeff, for always being a phone call away and letting me know that you care so very much. It means a great deal to me. And to Steve and Rich, who take such pride in my work and have opened so many personal doors for me in the past, and to my ever supportive brother-in-law David Smith, thank you for being so happy for me when things go right and letting me know you care when life gets confusing. Thanks to you guys for making me always feel like I'm part of the team.

My sister-in-law is the sister I never had, Jill Simons-Smith. You've done it again. From reviewing this book to traveling to the ends of the earth to speak on my behalf, you are always there to help and show that you care. Thanks, Sis.

Tina Constable, Katherine Beitner, and Rhoda Dunn, my P.R. friends at Crown. Thank you for your energy, excitement, and constant hard work to help me get my message out. Your creativity and professionalism is much appreciated.

Stephanie Higgs, who dealt with countless details large and small, and copyeditor, Mary Anne Stewart, who made great suggestions for the book and made it more pleasant to read, thanks to you, and to the many others at Crown Publishing Group that continue to work so hard to help me help others.

Greg Aunapu, although I'm sure you are surprised to show up in these acknowledgments, I thank you for that lunch we shared together when you said to me, Stop talking about it already and just write it! Thank you for reviewing my original proposal for this work as well as your friendship.

Jon Gordon, as always, thanks for your ever-supportive friendship, interest in my work, and helpful discussions about Secret #2.

Diane Debrovener, thanks for reviewing my entire manuscript and offering solid, helpful suggestions. I've always appreciated your talent for seeing a large body of work and making it flow as though it was a one-page poem.

Barry and Ami, thank you for your friendship and patient attempt to teach me golf and so many other things.

As always, thank you Bonnie.

Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb, Ph.D., Rabbi Yochanan Zweig, and Rabbi Joseph Rottenberg, thanks for taking the time to review certain chapters and offering me much appreciated feedback.

A special thanks to each of our very special Golden Couples who took the time and energy to share such personal information because they wanted to help others. Each of you are shining examples of the beauty marriage offers. We will learn a lot from you.

To the One who makes everything possible.

Secret #1
Commitment is the glue of marriage. Insulate and protect your marriage against emotional infidelity by avoiding friendships with members of the opposite sex.

Secret #2
Codependence is a necessary ingredient for a great marriage. Spouses must need each other.

Secret #3
Spouses need clear, realistic goals and a specific plan of how to achieve those goals.

Secret #4
Like any strong working partnership, marriage needs welldefined roles for each spouse.