M. Gary Neuman - The Long Way Home: The Powerful 4-Step Plan for Adult Children of Divorce

DVD Series

Copyright 2013 by M. Gary Neuman. All rights reserved

Cover Design: Wendy Mount

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey
Published simultaneously in Canada

Text design by Forty-five Degree Design LLC

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Neuman, M. Gary.
The long way home : the powerful 4-step plan for adult children of divorce / M. Gary Neuman.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN 978-0-470-40922-0 (pbk.); ISBN 978-1-118-21923-2 (ebk);
ISBN 978-0-470-45027-7 (ebk) ISBN 978-1-118-21924-9 (ebk)
1. Adult children of divorced parents. 2. Children of divorced parents. I. Title.
HQ777.5.N483 2013
306.89dc23
2012031776

For Mom

A Note to Readers

All stories in this book are true and are told in each individual's own words. Every person represented in this book has been part of Gary's research and has not seen Gary for any form of personal therapy. Names and identifying information have been changed in order to protect their anonymity.

Acknowledgments

To all of the participants in my research who then used this book and shared their very hearts and souls. Your struggles, hard work to change, and desire to share with others in the hope of helping them is so admirable. You represent the very best of what we are as people. I hope I've honored your disclosures with respect and that others can benefit and grow from your participation in this book.

Esther Neuman, MSW, for the incredible work and countless hours of work. Your help with the research, contact with participants, and organization have given beautiful voice to those who share their very depths in this book. You handled the interviews with such sensitivity and warmth. Your willingness to help is so appreciated. Mom and I are blessed to have you as our daughter.

Carol Mann, my amazing agent. Thanks for believing in this project. You're always there to answer every call and make this book better. Your professionalism is unmatched.

Debora Yost, for your outstanding editing assistance. Thanks for being there so many times and genuinely caring about the help this book offers.

My editor, Tom Miller, for your excellent suggestions. You always care deeply about my work and it shows with your energy and desire to help me create the best books in me. We did it again!

My copyeditor, Judith Antonelli, and production editor Hope Breeman, for making this book proper and keeping it on schedule.

And on a personal note: my wife, Melisa. After twentyfive years, I can't distinguish where I begin or end without you. We are one soul. Your overwhelming love, care, and warmth fuel my every moment. Thank you for your goodness and the passionate spirit you bring to our lives.

My children, Yehuda, Esther, Michael, Pacey, and Daniel. The love we have is my life. You have grown into adults and each of you makes us so proud. All of you are always there to learn together, laugh together, and listen together. I am blessed to have each of you in my life.

To everyone in the Neuman and Simons clan. I am supported by all of you and wouldn't be anywhere if it were not for each one of you. Thank you for the strength you give me every day.

Bonnie, for still being the smartest person I know and for your graciousness.

The One Above, who does not need anything from me and yet still wants to believe in me. Thanks for Your blessings. I hope I have made You proud and have properly reflected Your goodness.

What Readers Are Saying

Reading Gary Neuman's book and participating in his program have allowed me to see hope in my life. It sounds like a clich to say it, but before participating in the program, a perpetual cloud cover followed me. Now, thanks to this book, the clouds are passing and I can feel the sun shining on my life.

Reading this book made me feel like I was receiving advice from a friend who knew exactly what I was going through. I couldn't believe that someone was able to relate to my experiences so clearly. Gary explained what I always knewthat my parents' divorce, even though I was very young, altered the direction my life would take, how I would view myself, and the relationships I would make.

As I worked the program, I had insights that stopped me in my tracks. At times some of the memories were so painful I wasn't sure I could go on with the program, but Gary's encouraging words helped me persevere. By the time I got to the part on change, I was so at ease with my journaling. Each day I could actually put on paper who I wanted to be and how I wanted to act. Amazingly, many days the exact things I wrote down came to be!

The snowball effect continues to this day. I have gained more selfconfidence. I am a more positive thinker. I am aware of my limitations and love myself in spite of them. I have created boundaries. I do not tolerate people treating me badly. I love myself more than I ever have. And, in turn, possibly for the first time, I am loving otherstruly. I am grateful for it all.