Becky Lenarki - Understanding Your Parents Divorce

Published in 2017 by The Rosen Publishing Group, Inc.

29 East 21st Street, New York, NY 10010

Copyright 2017 by The Rosen Publishing Group, Inc.

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Lenarki, Becky, author. | Calhoun, Florence, author.

Title: Understanding your parents' divorce / Becky Lenarki and Florence Calhoun.

Description: First edition. | New York : Rosen Publishing, 2017. | Series:

Divorce and your family | Includes bibliographical references and index. Identifiers: LCCN 2015044298 | ISBN 9781508171270 (library bound)

Subjects: LCSH: Children of divorced parentsJuvenile literature. |

DivorceJuvenile literature.

Classification: LCC HQ777.5 .L45 2016 | DDC 306.89--dc23 LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015044298

Manufactured in China

I f you think about your future, you probably assume that eventuallynot any time soon!you will get married and have a family of your own. This is how our society was organized when the first colonists settled in America, and it remains largely the same today.

Almost no one predicts that they will be divorced in their lifetime. Its just not something that people wish for themselves. It would be hard to imagine the circumstances under which divorce was one of someones life goals.

Marriage is what follows after the joy and excitement of a wedding. As any married couple will tell you, marriage is a lot of work and is not something to be taken lightly. There are ups and downs, highs and lows, good times and bad. Many people believe that because they have committed to spending a lifetime with their spouse, they must figure out how to weather any storms that come up over their lifetime, no matter what.

But for some people, the pain of an unhappy marriage isnt worth enduring for the rest of their lives. They would tell you that its better to admit that the marriage ran its course and move on in search of the next step. Perhaps there are serious issues in the marriage, like substance abuse or domestic violence, that break a marriage beyond repair. Or perhaps one partner realized he or she doesnt love the other and wants to be free to spend his or her life with someone else.

Regardless of the circumstances, divorce happens. And it happens fairly often. Statistics vary, but according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately 36 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Chances are you know at least one person whose parents are divorced.

But what if that person is you? Have your parents recently told you they are divorcing? Are you having trouble making sense of it, even after the shock has worn off? Whether your parents always seemed happy together or whether they fought all the time, its never easy to see them split up. Its a confusing time for everyone.

No doubt you will experience a world of changes. One of your parents will no longer live with you. You may stay with him or her on weekends or whenever your parents agree. You might have to move to a different house or apartment. You might even have to change schools. Your schedule will change, and holidays will be completely different. You might even have to cope with a stepparent and stepsiblings if your parents eventually marry other people.

So how can your parents, who supposedly love you, do this to you? Why would they put you through all this, when growing up is hard enough even under the best of circumstances?

The answer is, your parents arent doing it to you. Even though their divorce affects you in many ways, it is the breakup of their marriage. They will no longer be spouses, but they will not stop being your parents.

This point may seem obvious, but its very important to understand. It means that to help yourself through the pain of your parents divorce, you must first step back and consider what theyre going through. Their marriage, which they thought would last forever, has ended, and that brings on more sadness and anger than you can imagine.

Once you realize your parents are just as upset as you are, you can begin to move forward. Knowing that they are going through a terrible time along with you gives you the opportunity to share your feelings and your fears, and to chart your new territory together. No one wants to go through a divorce, but if you find yourself in this situation, it doesnt have to be the end of the world.

E veryone has been there, heard about it, or seen it in a movie: that fateful day when the parents sit the family down for a serious talk. They tell the kids that no matter how hard they tried, they can no longer be together as a couple. Its not the kids fault. And whatever happens, they love them very much and will not stop being their parents.

It doesnt always happen this way, of course. Every talk is different. Some kids dont even get a talk. But chances are, if you do find yourself listening to this kind of talk, your life is about to change forever.

Jacobs parents had been fighting a lot. Even his little brother, Max, had picked up on the bitterness and hostility around the house. It might have started when their father lost his job last year. Money was tight, and arguments between their parents increased to the point where they couldnt be in the same room without yelling at each other.

Jacob couldnt take it anymore. He spent as much time as possible at school or with his friends. He didnt think his parents even noticed. One night he came home and found that his mother was gone. Jacobs father said shed left that morning to drive out to Jacobs grandparents five states away. Jacob couldnt believe his mother didnt want to take him and Max, or even wait around to say good-bye.

Though Jacob was disappointed by his parents decision, he was not totally surprised. He was somewhat prepared. At least he had known that his parents were not happy. Often teens will see that their parents are not getting along, but they might hold on to the hope that they will work out their differences. Jacob obviously did not like the fighting between them and was hurt by the instability and uncertainty of their lives, but he did not like the thought of the breakup either.

You might react to your situation in one way, but someone else might react in quite another. As the fighting and hostility between Jacobs parents grew, so did his sense of discontentment with the familys situation. A home should be a place of shelter, love, and security. These qualities were not available to Jacob. The lack of these essential ingredients for a stable home life affected the entire household.