Gary Smalley - The Key to Your Childs Heart: Raise Motivated, Obedient, and Loving Children

The Key
to Your
Childs Heart

OTHER BOOKS BY GARY SMALLEY

A Love That Lasts Forever

Love is a Decision
with John Trent

Making Love Last Forever

THE KEY TO YOUR CHILDS HEART, REVISED EDITION

1992 by Gary Smalley.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Smalley, Gary.
The key to your childs heart / Gary Smalley.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-8499-4394-2
1. Child rearingReligious aspectsChristianity.
2. ParentingReligious aspectsChristianity.
I. Title.

HQ769.3.S63 1992
649.1dc20

92-12926
CIP

Printed in the United States of America

08 09 10 11 12 QW 15 14 13 12 11

In loving memory of our parents,
Uel Jefferson and Eleanor Deck
Frank and Emily Smalley.
And to our children,
Kari, Greg, and Michael,
we present to you our lifetime commitment.

Contents

IT IS WITH SPECIAL APPRECIATION that I acknowledge my debt to those without whose help this book could never have been published. To Judy Pitzmier for her dedication, talent, and warm understanding during the many hours of editing. To Al Janssen for his tremendous inspiration, encouragement, and editing skills when I couldnt see the end. To Bill Yarger and B. John Trent, two of my outstanding and supportive pastors, who carefully evaluated the final draft. Last but certainly not least, to my wife Norma, who walked with me every step of the way writing this book.

This book represents what Norma and I have learned through Gods grace, trial, and error about parenting. It is with grateful appreciation that we express our love and indebtedness to our childrenKari, Greg, and Michael. They have been a tremendous inspiration and blessing to our lives. Each one is a special gift from God. Thank you for helping us to be parents!

WE WERE ENDURING our twelfth consecutive day of rain while traveling across the country one summer. Everything in our mini-motorhome was damp, and all five of us were tired of each other.

We had taken a drive up into Canada to see the beauty of Banff National Park. I had described the beautiful mountains and rivers we would see, but for three straight days, fog and rain had concealed the scenic beauty. Now, on the fourth morning, we were sitting in a restaurant trying to decide what to do. I urged us to return to our home in Phoenix where it was warm and dry. Id fly alone from there to my next speaking engagement in Seattle. My wife Norma pleaded that we stay a fourth day in Canada and wait for the sun to break through. Kari, our fifteen-year-old daughter, wanted us to continue driving to Seattle. Our two younger boys demanded fishing in Washington.

As our volume increased in defense of each plan, Greg, our middle child, shouted, Stop! Ive got the solution! He was so emphatic that even our neighbors in the next booth stopped to listen. I think we ought to go out in the camper, get the gun, and shoot each other. All of us burst out laughing and that relaxed us enough to stay put another day during which the sun finally revealed the majesty of the Canadian Rockies.

Why is it that all five of us, and other families similar to ours, can go through very strained times like what we experienced in Canada and still witness a closeness and happiness together? Yet there are many other families that are so divided that even a minor crisis can permanently scatter the members in different directions.

There are many outstanding books on raising children, yet after reading some, I have often wondered Whats the use in trying? Its too difficult! In my speaking and counseling all across the nation, I have found that many parents experience similar frustration and guilt.

In this book, youll discover that were an average family with very typical conflicts. But we have tried to find solutions to those conflicts that can be applied to almost every family. We will recount what has and has not worked in our home and will share with you the main factors that have drawn us into close relationship.

Well also be summarizing what some of the parenting experts are saying today. For example, there are four basic types of parents. But only one of those four types produces the best results in children. We will examine why the children of these parents have much greater self-worth, are less rebellious, and are generally more successful in life.

Youll read about how we brought order and harmony to our family through the simple method of contracts.

We will discuss several practical ways to help protect a child from becoming sexually involved before marriage.

If youre wondering how to get your children to clean their rooms, eat healthier foods, and avoid certain harmful activities, we have at least twenty-two ways to motivate your children. We will even share the secret of how you can actually increase your childrens desire to listen carefully to you.

This book will give you several basic principles that I believe are key to raising children. In particular, the next chapter covers one principle that if diligently applied can virtually guarantee a closer relationship between parent and child. In my opinion, it is The Key to Your Childs Heart.

Violation of this principle has undoubtedly destroyed more families than any other single factor. It is the major reason why over one million children have run away from home and why millions more reject their parents moral values and standards. Fewer teenagers would misuse alcohol and drugs if parents understood and practiced this principle.

Therefore, the concept presented in the next chapter provides the foundation for successful parenting. I suggest that you may want to reread it several times. Master this principle and I can assure that you will make significant progress toward experiencing the joys and rewards of a closer-knit family.

How to Overcome
the Major Destroyer of Families

A Closed Spirit

Manifestations of a Closed Spirit

Reopening a Childs Spirit

Five Steps to Reopen a Childs Spirit

Reasons Why One Might Refuse to Forgive

Observing Voice Tone and Facial Expressions to Recognize a Closed Spirit