Gary Smalley - Great Parents, Lousy Lovers: Discover How to Enjoy Life with Your Spouse While Raising Your Kids

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Great Parents, Lousy Lovers: Discover How to Enjoy Life with Your Spouse While Raising Your Kids

Copyright 2010 by Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham. All rights reserved.

Cover font love-ya-like-a-sister copyright by Kimberly Geswein. All rights reserved.

Author photo of Gary Smalley copyright by Jim Lersch. All rights reserved.

Author photo of Ted Cunningham copyright 2009 by Renee Bergman. All rights reserved.

Designed by Jennifer Ghionzoli Produced in association with Roger Gibson, Branson, Missouri.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of T yndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked ASV are taken from The Holy Bible, American Standard Version.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. NKJV is a trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Smalley, Gary.

Great parents, lousy lovers : discover how to enjoy life with your spouse while raising your kids / Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-1-4143-3588-9 (hc)

1. SpousesReligious life. 2. ParentsReligious life. 3. MarriageReligious aspects Christianity. 4. Parenting Religious aspectsChristianity. I. Cunningham, Ted. II. Title.

BV4596.M3S62 2010

248.845dc22 2010020834

Printed in the United States of America

16 15 14 13 12 11 10

7 6 5 4 3 2 1

We dedicate this book to the fantastic staff and elders at
Woodland Hills Family Church in Branson, Missouri.
Ted Burden, Denise Bevins, Stephanie Watson,
Brenda Pannell, Angela Jennings, Amy Cunningham,
Pam Strayer, John Meyer, Jim Sedlacek, Bill Rogers,
Mike Gattis, Doug Hayter, and Doug Goodwin
serve marriages and families in our church and community
with excellence. We love and appreciate each one of you.

Contents

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you grew up in the 80s, rolled up your pants, poufed your bangs, drove a Camaro, or have more than two Bryan Adams songs memorized.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you feel like a cook, maid, or shuttle, and you run your home like a hotel.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you consider an appetizer the free applesauce that comes with a kids meal.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if one or more of your children sleep in your bed more than you do.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have ever responded to a friends engagement announcement by saying, Are you sure you want to go through with this? Think it through long and hard.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if your idea of a date night is watching the kids play on the playground at Chick-fil-A.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you are consistently late to events and activities because you are coming from other kid events and activities.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have adult children living at home and they refuse to give up their Star Wars bedsheets.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if your only alone time with God is to calm you down and to keep you from going off on someone small.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you think that you dont even need a spouse to have a great marriage.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if it is more important to you to have a child in the accelerated reading program or on the honor roll, rather than to create a home where Mom and Dad thoroughly enjoy each other.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if, before you leave the house, you ask your husband, Do you need to go potty before we leave?

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have ever been tempted to look for greener grass on the other side. Keep in mind, where the grass is greener, there is a septic leak.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have told your family that they are going on a family vacation and you demanded that they have a good time.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if the majority of laughter in your home comes from a pop star with a split personality or a sponge that lives under the sea.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have ever had a kiss interrupted by a kid screaming, Mommy, can you help me wipe?

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you have sex less than four times a month and they are all quickies.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if your Tonights the night is regularly met with Lets shoot for tomorrow night.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if youve ever wondered why your spouse wasnt just like you.

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you choose a church based only on its kickin kids program.

Thank you to Amy Cunningham and Norma Smalley for sharing your stories for this project. We love you both very much.

Roger Gibson has believed in this project since we first mentioned the title to him. He got it immediately and quickly became a passionate advocate for getting the message out there. Thanks, Rog!

The entire team at Tyndale rocks! Thank you, Ron Beers and Jon Farrar, for believing in our message. Stephanie Voiland, you were a joy and pleasure to work with. Stephanie Krzywonos, thank you for blessing our message and getting everyone on board. Thanks also to Lisa Jackson, Erin Marshall, Erin Gwynne, Jennifer Ghionzoli, Vicky Lynch, April Kimura-Anderson, Keith Johnson, and Amanda Reckinger.

Denise Bevins, Sue Parks, Jeff Smethers, and Pam Strayer take care of so many details in our ministries from day to day. It does not go unnoticed, and we are so grateful.

GENERATION OBSERVATION

You might be a Great Parent, Lousy Lover if you grew up in the 80s, rolled up your pants, poufed your bangs, drove a Camaro, or have more than two Bryan Adams songs memorized.

GARY I love observation. Norma and I are that couple at the restaurant watching other families. Part of our regular entertainment is making up stories about what we observe. We often catch ourselves laughing, shaking our heads, or even tearing up as we think about the countless stories unfolding in families around us. We see the excitement of families as they eat out in Branson, Missouri, enjoying the first day of their vacation. We can even identify the families that are eating a quick bite after exhausting themselves at one of our theme parks on the last day of their vacation. I can spot a loving and caring dad from a mile away. I can also tell when hes distant and angry. I can see the spirit of a woman when