James D. MacArthur - Everyday Parents Raising Great Kids

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

MacArthur, James D.

Everyday parents raising great kids / James D. MacArthur.

p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 1-59038-305-2 (pbk.)

1. Parenting. 2. FamilyPsychological aspects. I. Title.

HQ755.8.M314 2004

649.1dc22

2004008686

Printed in the United States of America 18961

R. R. Donnelley and Sons, Crawfordsville, IN

10987654321

To the memory of Lorraine Stella Cooper MacArthur my mother

Acclaim for Everyday Parents Raising Great Kids

There are a lot of parenting books out there, but Dr. MacArthurs is unique. He emphasizes how to have an intentional family, which is increasingly difficult in todays complex society, and he focuses on parenting processes that lead to successful outcomes for children and parents. His book is more than just principles; it promotes action by parents. The self-assessments and guidelines for improving your parenting are solid and will be effective in creating positive changes in your family.

Dr. Jeffry H. Larson

certified family life educator, associate editor of

Family Relations Journal,

author of The Great Marriage Tune-Up Book

Dr. MacArthur helps parents understand themselves as well as their family of origin. In addition to offering insights related to past family experiences, the author highlights reasons that parents may parent the way they do, and he offers lasting advice and ideas to better meet the needs of current family members. Especially valuable are the many opportunities to examine and then rate ones own level of performance on certain parenting or home environment issues. The ideas to improve and enrich family life are simple yet powerful... and give the book the hands-on feel that many parenting books lack. I would recommend this book not only to parents but also to grandparents and anyone who has influence in the lives of children.

Dr. Rick Moody

clinical psychologist, and

Carol Moody

speech language pathologist

Dr. MacArthur has a positive approach that does not pull any punches for parent or child. His book is an easy and thought-provoking read. I encourage both parents and non-parents to read it to discover the essence of their existing family or their family of origin.

Dr. Thomas J. Kennedy III

This book is a wonderful resource for any parent who wants to learn the secrets to raising healthy, happy, well-adjusted children. Dr. MacArthur offers heartfelt guidance based on years of experience filled with love and laughter. This book challenges me as a parent to take an active role in shaping my childrens self-esteem and identity. What stands out about this book is that anyone can be successful as a parent... as long as he or she is willing to lead, love, and commit fully to each child. I love the Blackboard Concept in the chapter on intentional parenting. I believe Dr. MacArthurs book holds the answers to the questions all parents have about how to have a happy family.

Kristy M. Forare,

clinical psychologist

I have seen Dr. MacArthurs work help countless people overcome their challenges and go on to lead successful lives and raise successful families. Now his expertise and experience is available to everyone. Everyday Parents Raising Great Kids is powerful and empowering! If every parent in the world would read this book and apply its principles, the majority of the worlds problems would be solved.

Anita Stansfield,

author of Reflections

Reading this book is like having a discussion with a wise father figure. It makes explicit the need to consciously attend to the important duties of being a parent and not to sleepwalk through the process. Everyday Parents Raising Great Kids should help family interactions become more conscious and purposeful.

Drs. Mike and Jenny Brooks,

clinical psychologists

Acknowledgments

In the writing and preparation of the manuscript for this book, I am indebted to a number of people. I would have given up many times if not for the encouragement of my wonderful and loving wife, Sherri, who just would not let me quit. She made many sacrifices to help me find the time to write the book. My oldest son, Toran, spent numerous hours reading and editing the manuscript. Susan Easton Black and Anita Stansfield kept me going and gave me much encouragement. Maria Ilieva, a student editor, helped greatly in making my writing more readable. My editor at Shadow Mountain, Janna DeVore, gave me much needed advice, and product director Chris Schoebinger kept the project alive. I also acknowledge many others who read the manuscript and gave me feedback about its potential to benefit families.

On a much more personal note, I have been a father for thirty-five years. I have ten children, ages twenty-two to thirty-five. I have been a grandfather for seven years. I have sixteen grandchildren, ages a few months to seven years.

I have learned a lot from the parenting and grandparenting I have done. Likewise, I have learned a great deal from my twenty-five years as a psychologist. This book is based on what I have gained from all those family experiences. As I share it with you, I hope it comes across as encouraging and enlightening.

I would like to acknowledge all those in my family whom I love and who have been so good to me. I hope we are always together. I am going to name each one individually because that is in keeping with what I write about in this bookthe importance of each person in the family.

First comes my companion and the mother of our ten children. I married Sherri McUne MacArthur on June 1, 1968. She is an amazing person. What she has offered to her children over the years is impossible to put into words. Together we are the parents of Toran, David, Paul, Mike, Lindi, Lori, Don, Debbie, Mark, and Sharolyn, and the grandparents of (in order of birth) Michael Niu, Tori MacArthur, Alexis MacArthur, Ben Niu, Emma MacArthur, Noah MacArthur, Allyson MacArthur, Cooper MacArthur, Brayden MacArthur, Isaac Niu, Jacob MacArthur, Sam MacArthur, Avery Niu, Reagan MacArthur, Parker Shumaker, and Reese MacArthur.

Being a father and a grandfather to my loved ones is by far the most important thing in my life. Being a father-in-law to Christopher Niu, Erin Leavitt MacArthur, Monica Nelson MacArthur, Melissa Robles MacArthur, Jennifer Carter MacArthur, Jme Meier MacArthur, and Rodger Shumaker is just frosting on the cake. The accomplishments and honors of my life are important to me, but they pale in comparison to being a part of this family. Were it not for my family, I would never have written this book. I wrote it initially for them. I dedicate it to them.

Prologue

Not all books have a prologue, but this one does. It does because I wanted to tell you why I wrote this book and why I think I have something to say.

First, I would like to establish my commitment to the family. I am writing about the family in a firm spirit of devotion to it. I believe that when two people join their lives together they make a moral commitment to each other and to any children born to them. They commit to live life together as well as they can and to provide their children with a healthy and functional environment in which they can grow to adulthood.