Maggie Dent - Parental as Anything

MAGGIE DENT has become one of Australias favourite parenting authors and educators, with a particular interest in the early years, adolescence and resilience. An undisputed boy champion, she is the author of seven books, including the bestselling Mothering Our Boys (2018) and From Boys to Men (2020). Well known as the Queen of Common Sense, she is also the host of ABCs Parental As Anything podcast.

Maggie is the mother of four grown-up sons, and an enthusiastic and grateful grandmother. She lives in the South Coast region of New South Wales with her good bloke, Steve Mountain, and their dear little dog, Mr Hugo Walter Dent.

You can listen to the Parental As Anything podcast for free in the ABC Listen app or find it wherever you get your podcasts.

I dedicate this book to my good bloke and husband, Steve Mountain.

Thank you for being my number-one supporter for over 26 years,

fabulous gnocchi master, thoughtful husband and

best Poppy to our gorgeous grandies.

I couldnt have done all this without you.

I wish to acknowledge and humbly pay my respects to Australias first peoples and to the longest continuing culture in the world, the traditional custodians of this amazing land.

I especially pay my humble respects to the Noongar peoples of South West Australia, the custodians of my homeland, the country of my childhood, which I carry deep within my heart every day of my life. I also acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which the podcast was produced: the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation in Sydney and the Turrbal people in Brisbane.

The ancient knowledge and wisdom that our Indigenous elders have known and shared for thousands of years still has value for our modern world. May we all find ways to walk gently and compassionately on these ancient lands, and come to a place where every child ever born is loved, respected and valued and has a strong sense of belonging.

Parenting in the 21st century is very different now from even the recent 20th century, let alone before then. There has been a massive increase in research around child development physical, cognitive, psychological and emotional. There have been incredible advances in neuroscience, neurobiology and medical science, including epidemiology, neurology, disease management and improvements in diagnostics. On top of that, through the digital world, we can access in a nanosecond phenomenal amounts of information about absolutely anything to do with raising children. But too much information too easily accessible can be unhelpful and confusing.

Interestingly, the things that children have always needed to grow healthy and to thrive have not really changed however, the world around kids has changed. For many parents there is a quagmire of confusing and often conflicting information that can diminish their innate capacity to tune in to and meet the unique needs of their child in any given moment.

I frequently remind people that there has never been a parenting guide written about their particular child. Parents, co-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, step-parents and anyone who lives with children when capable of warm, consistent, loving care are best placed to make decisions for their child. Having access to trustworthy, sound information, which is not only evidence-based but practical and consistent, can make raising children easier.

We must never forget that child development cannot be hurried, no matter how inconvenient that may be for us adults in all our busy-ness. Each child has a built-in timetable that dictates exactly when they will crawl, sit up, walk, etc., and no two kids are the same. Given a safe environment, their development will flow naturally. They are one-off miracles and this is why parenting can never be a perfect art. At times the sleep deprivation, fatigue and frustration of parenting will bring you to your knees. Children are biologically required to learn by doing and inevitably this process will be noisy, untidy, messy and unpredictable. So having realistic expectations for our children from toddlerhood to early adolescence is essential to navigating this ancient journey. (I say early adolescence as parenting adolescents is really a whole book in itself, so this book covers toddlers through tweens, roughly up to age 12.)

These days, this isnt helped by endless beautiful images on social media, which can trigger guilt, especially in mammas. I almost choked on my coffee one day when I saw a picture on Instagram of a woman wearing stunning matching leisurewear to pick up her children from school. When I was a stay-at-home mum with a baby and toddler and two lads in school, I barely had time to shower, put on a bra or clean my teeth, let alone coordinate my outfit before leaving the house. Thank heavens Instagram didnt exist back then or I may have found myself feeling pretty crappy by comparison and potentially putting some unnecessary, unrealistic expectations on myself.

No matter how much we plan, dream and hope, things can go wrong. Todays world has become faster, busier and full of massive change and enormous choice and thats a bit difficult for both children and their parents to navigate. Our smart phones, while having many positive attributes that can help in organising our kids and ourselves, have become silent thieves stealing valuable moments from our children and us.

It takes a whole childhood for children to learn, to grow and to work out how to be whoever they are. When we try to hurry up childhood, our childrens chances of thriving diminish they will survive, just maybe not as well as possible. I have become deeply concerned about the push-down of formalised learning into our precious childrens lives, as five-year-olds are now expected to perform tasks that previously werent expected of them until the age of six. We must stop stealing childhood in the name of education. Childhood matters as it has always mattered, and the less rushed, hurried and scheduled it can be until the beginning of adolescence, the better the outcomes for your child.

I meet so many worried parents who are actually doing a great job being parents. There will be times that holding healthy boundaries and teaching your children to respect themselves, others and our world will be difficult and yet it is the most important thing you can do over and over again. The great news is that good-enough parents can raise healthy, happy, resilient kids with a generous dose of common sense.

When the opportunity came along to host the ABCs Parental As Anything podcast, I was beyond happy and grateful. Parents, who are often time poor, can gain helpful, valuable information from the podcast in a way that suits a busy lifestyle. In my role as host, I explore parenting dilemmas and challenges through the lens of practical common sense. What is really important in raising children is discovering what works best for your child and you (and whomever you are co-parenting with) in your home. There is no one right way to parent, and often what works this week with your child may not work next week and that is okay and quite normal.