Henry Cloud - Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes When to Say No To Take Control of Your Life

Resources by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Boundaries

Boundaries Workbook

Boundaries audio

Boundaries video curriculum

Boundaries in Dating

Boundaries in Dating Workbook

Boundaries in Dating audio

Boundaries in Dating curriculum

Boundaries in Marriage

Boundaries in Marriage Workbook

Boundaries in Marriage audio

Boundaries in Marriage curriculum

Boundaries with Kids

Boundaries with Kids Workbook

Boundaries with Kids audio

Boundaries with Kids curriculum

How to Have That Difficult Conversation

How People Grow

How People Grow Workbook

Resources by
Dr. John Townsend

Hiding from Love

Boundaries with Teens

The Entitlement Cure

Beyond Boundaries

How People Grow audio

Making Small Groups Work

Making Small Groups Work audio

Our Mothers, Ourselves

Raising Great Kids

Raising Great Kids for Parents of

Preschoolers curriculum

Raising Great Kids Workbook

for Parents of Preschoolers

Raising Great Kids Workbook

for Parents of School-Age Children

Raising Great Kids Workbook

for Parents of Teenagers

Raising Great Kids Audio Pages

Safe People

Safe People Workbook

12 Christian Beliefs That Can

Drive You Crazy

Resources by
Dr. Henry Cloud

Changes That Heal

Changes That Heal Workbook

Changes That Heal audio

Ebook Instructions

In this ebook edition, please use your devices note-taking function to record your thoughts wherever you see the bracketed instructions [Your Notes]. Use your devices highlighting function to record your response whenever you are asked to checkmark, circle, underline, or otherwise indicate your answer(s).

ZONDERVAN

Boundaries Workbook

Copyright 1995, 2018 by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

ISBN 978-0-310-35277-8 (softcover)

ISBN 978-0-310-35290-7 (ebook)

Epub Edition January 2018 ISBN 9780310352907

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.Zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org).

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Published in association with Yates & Yates, www.yates2.com.

Art direction: Curt Diepenhorst

Interior design: Denise Froehlich

First printing December 2017 / Printed in the United States of America

Contents

One of the most serious problems facing Christians today is confusion about boundaries. Many sincere, dedicated believers struggle with tremendous confusion about when it is biblically appropriate to set limits. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they raise good questions:

Can I set limits and still be a loving person?

What are legitimate boundaries?

What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?

How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?

Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?

How do boundaries relate to submission?

Arent boundaries selfish?

Why is it difficult for me to hear no from other people?

Why do I tend to want to control other people when I dont get what I want?

Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what is not. The inability to set appropriate boundaries at appropriate times with the appropriate people can be very destructive.

Misinformation about what the Bible says about boundaries can also be destructive. To counter such wrong thinking, this study guide and the accompanying text present a biblical view of boundaries: what they are, what they protect, how they are developed, how they are injured, how to repair them, and how to use them. As you read the book and work through this guide, you will find answers to the questions listed aboveand more. In fact, our goal is to help you use biblical boundaries appropriately to achieve the relationships and purposes that God intends for you as you grow in him.

DR. HENRY CLOUD

DR. JOHN TOWNSEND

NEWPORT BEACH, CALIFORNIA

Give Me Something to Hope For

Its sometimes easier to see in other people the very thing we would do well to change in ourselves. Look again at Sherries day. Read through the entries from 6:00 a.m. to 11:50 p.m. and see how closely your life resembles her boundaryless day (

Where do you see yourself in Sherries actions and thoughts? Be as specific as possible.

[Your Notes]

Who in your life could be cast in the role of Sherries mother (.)? Who treats you the way these people treated Sherrie? Whose words and actions elicit the same kind of response (emotional and otherwise) from you that these people elicited from Sherrie?

[Your Notes]

How did you respond to the way Sherrie used Scripture as she made decisions that violated herat bestshaky boundaries?

[Your Notes]

If Sherrie came to you for advice, what would you say to her? How would you diagnose her problem? Which of your own words of advice would you do well to heed?

[Your Notes]

We can probably all identify with Sherries dilemmaher isolation, her helplessness, her confusion, her guilt. And, above all, her sense that her life is out of control. Trying harder isnt working for her. Being nice out of fear isnt working for her. Taking responsibility for others isnt working for her. Sherrie still suffers severely from her inability to take ownership of her life. She has great difficulty knowing what things are her responsibility and what things are not. In her desire to do the right thing or to avoid conflict, she ends up taking on problems that God never intended her to take on (.).

Look at your life through this lens. What problems have you taken on that God may never have intended you to take on?

[Your Notes]

What motivated you to take on those problems you just listedyour desire to do the right thing, your efforts to avoid conflict, your fear of disappointing someone or not being liked, a sense of guilt, an inner should, or something else?