MA - Boundaries - Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries
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Boundaries - Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries
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Boundaries bring order to our lives, strengthen our relationships with others and ourselves, and are essential to our mental and physical health. For those of us who have walked away from a conversation, meeting, or visit feeling violated and not understanding why, this book helps us recognize and set healthy boundaries. Real-life stories illustrate the ill effects of not setting limits and the benefits gained by respecting our own boundaries and those of others.
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Life skills, Personal improvement and analysis, Space, Personal (boundaries)
publication date
:
1994
lcc
:
HM1171.K38 1994eb
ddc
:
747
subject
:
Life skills, Personal improvement and analysis, Space, Personal (boundaries)
Page iii
Boundaries
Where You End and I Begin
Anne Katherine, MA
Page iv
Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176
1991 by Hazelden Foundation
All rights reserved. Published by Hazelden 1994 Originally published by Parkside Publishing Corporation 1991. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
ISBN: 1-56838-030-5
Page v
To Sherry I joyfully thank my clients, those special people who gave me permission to tell their stories so that others who hurt might heal.
Page vi
HAZELDEN INFORMATION AND EDUCATIONAL SERVICES is a division of the Hazelden Foundation, a not-for-profit organization. Since 1949, Hazelden has been a leader in promoting the dignity and treatment of people afflicted with the disease of chemical dependency.
The mission of the foundation is to improve the quality of life for individuals, families, and communities by providing a national continuum of information, education, and recovery services that are widely accessible; to advance the field through research and training; and to improve our quality and effectiveness through continuous improvement and innovation.
Stemming from that, the mission of this division is to provide quality information and support to people wherever they may be in their personal journeyfrom education and early intervention, through treatment and recovery, to personal and spiritual growth.
Although our treatment programs do not necessarily use everything Hazelden publishes, our bibliotherapeutic materials support our mission and the Twelve Step philosophy upon which it is based. We encourage your comments and feedback.
The headquarters of the Hazelden Foundation are in Center City, Minnesota. Additional treatment facilities are located in Chicago, Illinois; New York, New York; Plymouth, Minnesota; St. Paul, Minnesota; and West Palm Beach, Florida. At these sites, we provide a continuum of care for men and women of all ages. Our Plymouth facility is designed specifically for youth and families.
For more information on Hazelden, please call 1-800-257-7800. Or you may access our World Wide Web site on the Internet at http://www.hazelden.org .
Page vii
Contents
1 The Wall Between
1
2 Visible And Invisible Boundaries
11
3 Context
26
4 Your Physical Boundaries
49
5 Your Emotional Boundaries
62
6 Assorted Boundaries
76
7 Boundary Violations
86
8 Intimacy
99
9 Mending Wall
118
10 A Special Letter To Overeaters
131
11 Good Fences
133
Appendix
134
Page viii
Good fences make good neighbors Robert Frost
Page 1
Chapter One The Wall Between
Laura's Story
I was born a month premature. In those days, preemies were put in an incubator and left alone. In my imagination, armed with what I've gleaned from years of therapy, I can return to those first days. What I see first looks like a tunnel with a clear roof. I am looking up through the incubator. A bright light shines all the time. The walls beyond are plain and white. I feel cut off from everyone and don't know who I belong to. The only time I am touched is to be cleaned.
Recently, I asked my mother how much she held me those weeks we were still in the hospital after my birth.
"Why, I held you all the time!" she said.
"How much?" I insisted. All the time was not my memory.
"Why, whenever they'd let me."
"How often was that?" I persisted.
"I held you every time they brought you to me to be fed," she said. "Twenty minutes, three times a day."
An hour a day my first three weeks of life. My baby self knew that wasn't nearly enough.
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