Cloud - Boundaries in dating: how healthy choices grow healthy relationships

Resources by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Boundaries

Boundaries Workbook

Boundaries audio

Boundaries curriculum

Boundaries in Dating

Boundaries in Dating Workbook

Boundaries in Dating audio

Boundaries in Dating curriculum

Boundaries in Marriage

Boundaries in Marriage Workbook

Boundaries in Marriage audio

Boundaries in Marriage curriculum

Boundaries with Kids

Boundaries with Kids Workbook

Boundaries with Kids audio

Boundaries with Kids curriculum

Changes That Heal (Cloud)

Changes That Heal Workbook (Cloud)

Changes That Heal audio (Cloud)

Hiding from Love (Townsend)

How People Grow

How People Grow Workbook

How People Grow audio

How to Have That Difficult Conversation Youve Been Avoiding

Making Small Groups Work

Making Small Groups Work audio

The Mom Factor

The Mom Factor Workbook

Raising Great Kids

Raising Great Kids audio

Raising Great Kids for Parents of Preschoolers curriculum

Raising Great Kids Workbook for Parents of Preschoolers

Raising Great Kids Workbook for Parents of School-Age Children

Raising Great Kids Workbook for Parents of Teenagers

Safe People

Safe People Workbook

12 Christian Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy

BOUNDARIES IN DATING

HOW HEALTHY CHOICES

GROW HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

DR. HENRY CLOUD & DR. JOHN TOWNSEND

ZONDERVAN

Boundaries in Dating

Copyright 2000 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.

ePub Edition January 2009 ISBN: 978-0-310-29667-6

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cloud, Henry.

Boundaries in dating : how healthy choices grow healthy relationships / Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

p. cm.

ISBN-13: 978-0-310-20034-5
1. Dating (Social customs). 2. Dating (Social customs)Religious aspectsChristianity. 3. Single peopleConduct of life. I. Townsend, John Sims, 1952II. Title.

HQ801. C59 2000
646.7'7dc21 99-057936

The examples used in this book are compilations of stories from real situations. But names, facts, and issues have been altered to protect confidentiality while illustrating the points.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible:New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Literary Agent, Orange, CA.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in aretrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

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To Matilda Townsend (19021983),who contributed greatly to my life

J. T.

To singles everywhere, with the hope that yourdating experience can realize the desires ofyour heart, and Gods best for you

H. C.

Contents

With gratitude to our agent, Sealy Yates; our publisher, Scott Bolinder; and our editor, Sandra Vander Zicht. And thanks to our marketing director, John Topliff, whose thoughtful understanding of the needs of our readers makes publishing much more enjoyable.

I would like also to acknowledge Guy and Christi Owen, who were there for me through my long years of dating.

I would like to acknowledge Lillie Nye for her efforts to get this material to singles everywhere and her input along the way.

Thanks to the Daytona group for sharing your stories and courage.

Thanks to the Christian Single magazine staff, who have helped me to understand the current dynamics that singles face and who also provide a great resource to help them.

Thanks to Single Adult Ministries for inviting us over the years to share with you.

Thanks to Jim Burns, president of the National Institute of Youth Ministry, for his input regarding the dating plight of teens today and his spin of the current thinking in the church. Your ministry has changed the face of dating for literally millions worldwide. They are safer than if you had not been there over the years.

H.C.

Thanks to Roy and Susan Zinn for your work with singles at the North Carolina State Navigators ministry. Your compassion and ministry have touched many, including myself.

Thanks to Mike Hoisington and Cary Tamura for colaboring with the Single Focus class at First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton, California. Your initiative and leadership for singles has borne good fruit through the years. Thanks to Chuck Swindoll, senior pastor at that time, for giving us permission to think creatively about the struggles of singles.

Thanks to Scott Rae, former singles pastor at Mariners Church in Irvine, California. Your thoughtful efforts to help singles grow spiritually, and your many opportunities to have us speak to your groups, are much appreciated.

J. T.

A few years back I was doing a seminar for singles in the Midwest when the question came from the floor, Dr. Cloud, what is the biblical position on dating? At first, I thought I had misheard the question, so I asked the woman to repeat it. And the question came out the same as the first time.

What do you mean, the biblical position? I asked.

Well, do you think that dating is a biblical thing to do? the woman explained.

Once I heard her question, I thought she was kidding, but I soon realized she was not. I had heard people ask about the biblical position on capital punishment or euthanasia, but never on dating.

I do not think the Bible gives a position on dating, I said. Dating is an activity that people do, and as with a lot of other things, the Bible does not talk about it. What the Bible does talk about is being a loving, honest, growing person in whatever you do. So, I would have to say that the biblical position on dating has much more to do with the person you are and are becoming than whether or not you date. The biblical position on dating would be to date in a holy way.

In fact, God grows people up through dating relationships in the same way that he grows them up in many other life activities. The question is not whether or not you are dating. The questions are more along the lines of Who are you in your dating and who are you becoming in your dating? What is the fruit of your dating for you and for the people that you date? How are you treating them? What are you learning? And a host of other issues that the Bible is very clear about. It is mainly about your character growth and how you treat people.