Sharon Martin MSW LCSW - The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

Working with The Better Boundaries Workbook is like having personal sessions with a very wise and compassionate therapist. You will learn actionable ways to stand up for yourself and make your needs clear so all your relationships can thrive. The exercises and insights this helpful guide offers will let you tap into your most empowered and authentic self.

Jennifer King Lindley , award-winning health journalist, and author of Find Your Joy

In The Better Boundaries Workbook , Sharon Martin discusses a tremendously useful topic that most people have difficulty understanding, and even therapists struggle to describe: boundaries. She not only explains, in clear terms, exactly what boundaries are, she also walks you through the process of building yours. Ever wondered whether your boundaries need improvement, how healthy boundaries look, or how to create and strengthen them? Youll find all the answers here.

Jonice Webb, PhD , bestselling author of Running on Empty and Running on Empty No More

This workbook does an excellent job of explaining the layers of boundaries. The Better Boundaries Workbook is an easy-to-follow how-to guide for self-improvement. What I loved most about the book is the simple explanation of what boundaries are, how boundaries impact our well-being, and simple tools to increase and protect boundaries. Sharon Martin has produced a well-written book that is instrumental in self-empowerment and mental health.

Natalie Jones, PsyD, LPCC , owner of Lifetime Counseling and Consulting, creator of the A Date With Darkness Podcast , expert witness, and media therapist

The Better Boundaries Workbook is a clear, caring guide to help people build stronger boundaries. Sharon Martin has done it again with this brilliant workbook, a powerful tool for anyone looking to not be taken advantage of. When you are ready to do the work, this workbook gives you thoughtful exercises to look within your own patterns, and teaches you how to create new programming that better serves you. I love this book, and it will forever be in my referral library to help those with boundary challenges.

Tracy A. Malone , founder of Narcissist Abuse Support

Boundaries can easily bring up feelings of guilt, fear, or anxiety, but Sharon makes the difficult process of setting limits feel accessible. Learn why boundaries are important, and how to overcome the emotional difficulties of honoring your needs. With the many scripts, vignettes, and other tools in this guide, youll discover a step-by-step process for maintaining boundaries in every area of your life. This workbook is a must-read for anyone struggling with people-pleasing, perfectionism, or codependency.

April Snow, LMFT , licensed psychotherapist, and author of Mindfulness Workbook for Stress Relief

Once again, with The Better Boundaries Workbook , Sharon Martin shares her insight and her expertise in her down-to-earth style. Martins work is clear, practical, and easy to relate to. The chapters for setting boundaries, communicating needs, and working with boundary violations are well laid out, and have actionable steps throughout. Im excited to use The Better Boundaries Workbook with my therapy and coaching clients for years to come!

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC , licensed clinical professional counselor, life coach, and host of the Awaken Your Wise Woman podcast

The Better Boundaries Workbook is the most comprehensive resource available to help people struggling with setting healthy boundaries, people-pleasing, and assertive communication. Sharon Martin expertly guides the reader to create a clear and personalized action plan.

Marni Feuerman, MSW, PsyD , psychotherapist, and author of Ghosted and Breadcrumbed

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

The four steps to setting boundaries in chapter 4 are adapted with permission from MOVING BEYOND BETRAYAL by Vicki Tidwell Palmer, copyright 2016 Vicki Tidwell Palmer. Used by permission of Central Recovery Press.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS is a registered trademark of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Copyright 2021 by Sharon Martin

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Daniel

Acquired by Ryan Buresh

Edited by Karen Levy

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file

Contents

Introduction

Welcome to The Better Boundaries Workbook .

Im excited to share this book with you because I know, from personal and professional experience, that healthy boundaries can transform your life. If you struggle to stand up for yourself, ask for what you need, or feel guilty or afraid when you do, learning to set boundaries can increase your self-esteem and confidence, and help you create respectful, satisfying relationships. Of course, this doesnt happen all at once. As you know, setting boundaries is tough. However, Im confident that with the concepts in this book and committed practice, you can learn to set effective boundaries.

About This Workbook

Through my work as a psychotherapist, it became clear that so many of my clients struggles were related to their difficulty setting boundariesand there was a need for an evidence-based guide to teach these skills. And, so, I wrote this workbook to share the practical skills and strategies for setting boundaries that Ive successfully used with my clients.

In part one of this workbook, youll learn what boundaries are, why we need them, and why theyre hard to set. Part two focuses on how to create and communicate boundaries, and how to handle boundary violations. In part three, youll learn boundary skills with others, including at work; with your partner, children, extended family, and friends; and with difficult people. And in part four, youll practice boundary skills with yourself, including respecting other peoples boundaries and creating healthy limits and habits for yourself.

This workbook uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), an evidence-based approach to understanding the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The CBT exercises in this book will help you identify inaccurate thoughts and beliefs that are making it difficult for you to set boundaries and replace them with thoughts that are more accurate and helpful.

In addition to CBT, I use mindfulness and self-compassion concepts. By tuning in to the present, mindfulness can help you regulate your emotions, especially when youre overwhelmed or upset. And self-compassion fosters self-acceptance, resiliency, and motivation.

How to Use This Workbook

The concepts and exercises in this book build upon each other, so I recommend reading from start to finish. Some chapters may not seem relevant to you, but I encourage you to still read them, as youll probably find useful tips for setting boundaries in every chapter.

Learning new skills takes a lot of practice. One of the biggest problems people have when trying to change is they give up too soonbefore theyve practiced new thoughts, feelings, and behaviors enough for them to feel comfortable and be effective. For this reason, Ive provided a variety of tools and ways to access them.