Nedra Glover Tawwab - Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
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End the struggle, speak up for what you need, and experience the freedom of being truly yourself.Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them--in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do healthy boundaries really mean--and how can we successfully express our needs, say no, and be assertive without offending others?Licensed counselor, sought-after relationship expert, and one of the most influential therapists on Instagram Nedra Glover Tawwab demystifies this complex topic for todays world. In a relatable and inclusive tone, Set Boundaries, Find Peace presents simple-yet-powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. Rooted in the latest research and best practices used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), these techniques help us identify and express our needs clearly and without apology--and unravel a root problem behind codependency, power struggles, anxiety, depression, burnout, and more.
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Advance Praise for Set Boundaries, Find Peace
This is the boundary bible. Nedra teaches us not only how to set healthy boundaries but to be clear about our feelings and intentions. Finding peace requires showing upNedra has written the blueprint on how to not only show up but also do the work.
Alexandra Elle, author of After the Rain
If you want the most comprehensive, relevant, and relatable guide to setting boundaries, speaking your needs, and living a more peaceful life, Nedra Tawwabs book on boundaries is for you.
Sheleana Aiyana, author and founder of Rising Woman
The book on boundaries weve all been waiting for! Nedra Tawwab offers clarity and direction with grace and compassion on a topic often discussed but rarely integrated. If youre ready to live in alignment and shift your relationship with self and others, Set Boundaries, Find Peace is your next must-read.
Vienna Pharaon, LMFT, founder of Mindful Marriage & Family Therapy
Set Boundaries, Find Peace breaks down the what, why, and how of boundaries in a clear and compassionate way, leaving you confident, empowered, and prepared to tackle those tough conversations.
Melissa Urban, cofounder and CEO of Whole30
Without healthy boundaries, we arent able to fully live the life we want to live. This empowering book provides a powerful road map for establishing expectations and personal limits so that you can live your life with the safety, respect, and self-actualization that you deserve.
Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD, host of The Psychology Podcast and author of Transcend
Set Boundaries, Find Peace is a down-to-earth and practical guide on fully realizing your potential and giving yourself the freedom you deserve by clearly setting healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life, friendships, and relationships. Eye-opening and thoroughly engaging.
Myleik Teele, CURLBOX founder
A comprehensive guide on how to understand and establish interpersonal boundaries... Readers who follow Tawwab on social media and those who find setting boundaries especially difficult will appreciate the advice.
Publishers Weekly
an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
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Copyright 2021 by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Tawwab, Nedra Glover, author.
Title: Set boundaries, find peace: a guide to reclaiming yourself / Nedra Glover Tawwab.
Description: New York: TarcherPerigee, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, [2021] | Includes index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2020043710 (print) | LCCN 2020043711 (ebook) | ISBN 9780593192092 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780593192108 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Peace of mind. | Self-realization. | Change (Psychology) | Interpersonal relations.
Classification: LCC BF637.P3 T38 2021 (print) | LCC BF637.P3 (ebook) | DDC 158.1dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020043710
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020043711
p. cm.
Neither the publisher nor the author is engaged in rendering professional advice or services to the individual reader. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are not intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician. All matters regarding your health require medical supervision. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in this book.
Cover design: Jess Morphew
Cover art: Rayyy / Shutterstock
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Having healthy boundaries has changed my life in ways that I didnt know were possible. This book is dedicated to those of us who are gaining freedom through unapologetic, healthy boundaries.
My life before I had healthy boundaries was overwhelming and chaotic. I, too, have struggled with codependency, peace in life and at work, and unfulfilling relationships. But setting expectations for myself and others gives me peace. Inventing a life with healthy relationships is an ongoing practice, but it gets more comfortable with time and practice.
The moment that I let up on setting perimeters, my old problems resurface. Because of this, Ive made healthy boundaries a part of my life practice. Consistently, I am practicing assertiveness and self-discipline to create the life that I want. In the past, I carried around a lot of resentment, hoping that others would guess my mood and wishes. Through trial and error, Ive learned that people will not guess my needs. They went about their day while I suffered in silence.
The things that I once found hard to say, such as I wont be able to help you move, now come out more firmly. I was scared, I didnt want to make anyone mad, and I didnt know the right words. I feared that standing up for myself would cost me my relationships. All the while, the personal cost was much higher.
When I first learned about boundaries, I was confused about how the concept applied to my life. Boundaries can be such a broad and intimidating term. This book will break down the many aspects of having healthy boundaries and offer insights into how we can honor the boundaries set by others. It took me years to not feel as guilty setting limits with others, because I didnt know that guilt was normal when youre doing something that you believe to be mean. This book will teach you how to manage the discomfort (guilt) that stops you from having the life that you want. Hopefully, it will give you the confidence and courage to create healthy boundaries in your own life.
Boundaries will set you free.
Ive been a therapist for fourteen years. People dont come to therapy knowing they have boundary issues. When they walk in the door, boundary issues are disguised as issues with self-care, conflicts with other people, trouble with time management, or concerns about how social media impacts their emotional state.
Once they finish their tales of resentment, unhappiness, feeling overwhelmed, and codependency, I say to them gently, You have an issue with boundaries. With that, we begin the work of uncovering boundary violations, learning to communicate boundaries to others, and dealing with the aftermath of setting boundaries. Yes, theres aftermath when dealing with the discomfort and guilt that comes from asserting yourself.
Instagram has become a space for me to post a lot of what I see as a result of boundary issues. My Instagram post Signs That You Need Boundaries went viral.
You feel overwhelmed.
You feel resentment toward people for asking for your help.
You avoid phone calls and interactions with people you think might ask for something.
You make comments about helping people and getting nothing in return.
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