Phoebe Robinson - You Can’t Touch My Hair: And Other Things I Still Have to Explain

Work wife ( n ): That person at your job (same or opposite sex) that takes the place of your at home spouse while you are at work (this is not a sexual relationship). You talk with, connect to, and relate to this person as good as or better than you do your at home spouse with regard to all things work-related.

(Source: www.UrbanDictionary.com)

P hoebe Robinson is my work wife. Weve been official for about two years now, ever since we met on a field piece I was shooting for The Daily Show, which led to us starting our live show and podcast, 2 Dope Queens. Even though our careers keep us busy, I am happy to report that our relationship is still going strong. Phoebe still texts me pictures of Bono about once a week and asks me if I would smash him. (My answer is still Fuck no, never in a million years.) She still refers to me as either her Oprah or her Gayle depending on what kind of day we are having. She still tells terrible dudes at bars that insist on having shitty conversations with us to Please buzz off. Im in my thirties. She always says, My eggs are dying. I dont have time to hang out with anybody that I dont want to. Fair enough. And even though Phoebe is only thirty-one, and I am twenty-six, she still insists on giving me the most weathered advice possible, as if she has seen some shit. Advice like: Doggy style is a great position to have sex in, that way you can have a little bit of you time. You can get some work done, you can think about your taxes or about what groceries you need to get tomorrow.... She somehow manages to say this with all the wisdom and strength of Cicely Tyson. Thats Phoebe, though.

When I first met Phoebe, she introduced herself to me, but she didnt even have toI had already known about her because she was a black lady involved with Upright Citizens Brigade who, like me, also mostly dated white dudes. I could blame my previous knowledge of her on the fact that UCB is a small community, but I aint gotta lie to kick it. I had low-key stalked her before meeting her that day. Anyway, she didnt pick up any red flags from me, so she invited me to cohost her monthly live show, Blaria, at UCB. Our first show together was like a great first date. I found out onstage that night that Phoebe was able to vocalize things that were deeply important to me. That being a black woman and a feminist is a full-time job. Like, #fuckthepatriarchy even though we both usually date white dudes who look vitamin D deficient and probably burn in the sun too easily. That black lives do matter. And that we both think that Carrie Bradshaw was a fucking stupid idiot for breaking up with Aiden for Mr. Big. Like, really? The man is a carpenter; he could literally make her furniture. And he even bought the apartment next door to hers so he could combine the two. The man wanted to