Kathy Valentine - All I Ever Wanted

ALL I EVER WANTED

A ROCK 'N' ROLL MEMOIR

KATHY VALENTINE

UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS PRESS

AUSTIN

Copyright 2020 by Kathy Valentine

All rights reserved

First edition, 2020

Requests for permission to reproduce material from this work should be sent to:

PERMISSIONS

University of Texas Press

P.O. Box 7819

Austin, TX 78713-7819

utpress.utexas.edu/rp-form

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Valentine, Kathy, author.

Title: All I ever wanted : a rock n roll memoir / Kathy Valentine.

Description: First edition. | Austin : University of Texas Press, 2020. | Includes index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019032318 | ISBN 978-1-4773-1233-9 (cloth) | ISBN 978-1-4773-2074-7 (ebook) | ISBN 978-1-4773-2073-0 (library ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Valentine, Kathy. | Bass guitaristsUnited StatesBiography. | Go-Gos (Musical group) | LCGFT: Autobiographies.

Classification: LCC ML419.V19 A3 2020 | DDC 782.42166092 [B]dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019032318

doi:10.7560/312339

This book is dedicated to Audrey and Margaret, my daughter and my mother.

Audrey, I would trade anything and everything to be your mom. Pennies, sand, leaves, atoms.

Mom, you are so much stronger and braver than you know. Thank you for your blessings upon this book.

CONTENTS

PREFACE

When my teenage daughter asked why I was writing a memoir, the answer was surprisingly elusive and difficult to articulate. I mumbled something about wanting to connect with people, maybe inspire some, which felt like a dull and half-assed reason. And yet I was driven. I had to write it, moved by a force very different from the one behind all the songs and music written and played throughout my career.

At first, I thought this was sufficient: I had a story to tell and thought it was important. Its a story that hasnt been told enough, the one about the young girl who decides she wants to be in a rock n roll band and then does just that. There arent many of us, and there are even fewer who stick with it their whole lives. Rare birds. Rock n roll had saved me, soothed me, shown me there was a world of outliers succeeding in life. But when I picked up my first guitar and started learning to play, it never occurred to me that I could plug it into an amp and get onstage like Keith Richards or Eric Clapton. Why would it? Women occupied a narrow space in relation to the music I loved. They might be hysterical fans, sobbing and pulling at their hair while the Beatles stood onstage calm and cool, tapping their pointy boots, playing music that could be barely heard over the screams and wails. Women might be singing in rock bandsfronting the band, not playing in the band. Or they might be groupies on a mission to be close enough to a rock star to be his lover, girlfriend, or muse.

I would have likely stepped into a different future if I hadnt been in England in 1973 with my British mom, watching a music television show. I was fourteen years old, and there she was: Suzi Quatro, a bass player fronting a rock band of guys. Seeing her doing what I had seen only men do changed everything. From that moment, I had one goal: to be in a kickass band with a gang of like-minded girls and claim the life I wanted for myself.

There was just one problem: no clear path or program to follow existed. I encountered unexpected obstacles that popped up like weeds. But I also found unlikely allies and support. And then I landed in the most successful all-female band in the world, making a record that became the first and only one written and performed by an all-female band to hit the top of the American charts. Ever.

The Go-Gos made history in the field of popular music.

Theres sex, drugs, rock n roll, and redemptionbut as it turns out, that wasnt the whole story. Keeping my daughters question of why in my back pocket, the memories unfolded, and I shook out the chapters. Some parts of my life felt so discarded it was as though someone else had lived them. Writing this book allowed me to see clearly how desperately I wanted my dream to take me far away from where I had started. How I used ambition and success to make me forget the loneliness, longing, and sadness of my youth. And how my past not only compelled and motivated me but also shaped my responses to achievements, failures, and everything in between. We all have to find our ways through adolescence and into adulthood, but doing it all alone, without being parented and guided, can be especially painful. I learned how to self-preserve, but at great cost.

The following pages tell a rock n roll coming-of-age story. It takes a candid look into the alchemy of a band, both the hard work and the inner workings. Its about refusing to give up despite facing skepticism and opposition at every turn. Its a chronicle of an era and pop culture spanning two decades of music in two renowned music cities, starting with my discovery of rock n roll in 1970s Austin, Texas, and continuing on through the heights and depths of my twenties in 1980s Los Angeles. And with all that good stuff, the most important bits are woven in; this is a story celebrating resilience and survival. Because some of us need to lose what we loveall we ever wantedin order to find what we need.

Prologue

HULLABALOO

When I turned twenty-one at the beginning of 1980, Los Angeles had been my home for close to two years. I had moved from Austin, Texas, with the single-minded purpose of making it in a band. My first band, called the Violators, had broken up before we even booked a rehearsal room. Then I started the Textones with my best mate, Carla. Two women guitar players from Texas fronting a band seemed promising at first, but after a while I started to feel we hadnt risen in the ranks or built a solid core of fans fast enough. I wasnt sure we would get there. Other people might move to LA and fret about not having what it takes or end up watching their dreams stall out in the middle of the 405 freeway, but not me. I was ready to kick things up a notch; I just had to find the right band.

After moving into a friends Hollywood Hills house late in the fall, I kept working on my own: writing songs, going out and meeting people. By the end of 1980, I was ready for a new year and a new start. My mom had come from Austin to spend the holidays with me, just the two of us, like it used to be before I had left Austin. On Christmas night, after we exchanged gifts and ate dinner, she got in bed with a book. Bored and restless, I drove down Sunset Plaza and up Sunset Boulevard to see the band X at the Whisky a Go Go, the famous club on the strip. X ruled the scene, and rightfully so. Their debut album, Los Angeles, was slammed with so much originality and intensity it could make some musicians think they shouldve kept their day jobs. X had a romantic fury; they played and sang like the devil was chasing them. The Whisky had a full house, packed with people happy to burn up alongside the band if the devil caught up.

Pushing my way through the crowd to the graffiti-covered toilet, I found it empty except for one chick. Coming out of the stall, she stood there still, waiting.

The girl introduced herself. Im Charlotte, from the Go-Gos.

I thought shed looked familiar. Charlotte Caffey. I knew her band; I had seen them a couple of times, when I first moved to LA in 1979 and a year later at the Starwood. The Go-Gos were happening.

Oh, hey, I said.

I liked how she looked: comfortable with herself, not trying to be rock or punk. Just hip and cool like a beatnik or a mod might be, neat and composed. X pounded through the walls, so we had to yell to keep talking.