Penelope Rowe - Best of Times, the Worst of Times: Our Familys Journey With Bipolar

This brave and loving book shows how mental illness is indeed afamily affair. Penelope Rowe, and her daughter Jessica Rowe, writewith insight, compassion and honesty about the devasting effects ofPenelopes bipolar illness. It is rare to get such a rounded perspective,but far from being depressing, this story shines with the resilience ofthe human spirit.

Anne Deveson, founding member and patron, SANE Australia

THE BEST OF TIMES,
THE WORST OF TIMES

Our familys journey with Bipolar

Penelope & Jessica Rowe

First published in 2005

Copyright Penelope Rowe and Jessica Rowe 2005

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.The AustralianCopyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.

Allen & Unwin
83 Alexander Street
Crows Nest NSW 2065
Australia
Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100
Fax: (61 2) 9906 2218
Email: info@allenandunwin.com
Web: www.allenandunwin.com

National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:

Rowe, Penelope, 1946- .
The best of times, the worst of times: our familys journey
with bipolar.

ISBN 1 74114 661 5

1. Rowe, Penelope, 1946 . 2. Manic-depressive persons
AustraliaBiography. 3. Manic-depressive persons
Family relationships. I. Rowe, Jessica, 1970 . II.Title.

616.8950092

994.06

Typeset by Midland Typesetters,Victoria
Printed by Griffin Press, South Australia

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

With love
To all of you who
have shared the seasons with us.

Contents

I first met Jessica about fifteen years ago. Our paths didnt cross again for another eleven yearsthis time, though, we went on a date. And so began a journey of love and learning for me.

Love led to marriage and also to an extraordinary insight into an area of health that I had never much thought about. Mental illness affects one in five Australians. Jessicas Mum, Penny, was my very real introduction to just how ravaging and raw mental illness can be.

Over these past years with Jessica I have listened to her story of growing up with and caring for a mum suffering bipolar disorder, while at the same time nurturing, as best she could, her two younger sisters. The story of ten-year-old Jessica having to stand on her school case to pull the bus cord on the way to the psychiatric hospital to visit her Mum makes me cry every time I hear it.

Fortunately I have seen Penny seriously ill only once, but it affected me greatly. Hows your Mum? I asked Jessica one day. Not great, she said. We went to see her. Just the week before I had been in the company of the Penny I knewvivacious, enthusiastic, loving.The Penny I have just described was now grey in the face, her eyes were sunken and her thoughts were rambling. My wife, my sisters-in-law and the stoic DD (Pennys husband) initiated a well-worn plan and I went along for the ride. My education had just been well and truly cranked up.

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times is the very real story of a familys experience with mental illness. It doesnt read like a psychiatric textbook but instead it describes, in down-to-earth laypersons language, what tens of thousands of families from all walks of life are experiencing right now. Use this book as a companion; reach for it if you need reassurance or hope. Having a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. For loved ones, who are often the primary carers, take heart and inspiration from Penny and Jessicas story. Lean on them through this book.

I found myself engrossed and enlightened as I turned the pages. Most of all, though, I felt so proud of these two extraordinary women who have had the courage to bare their souls to help others.

Mental illness is a part of life but sadly it carries a stigma. This book is a step along the journey to diluting that stigma. To those who suffer a mental illness, and to their families, this book is a poignant reminder that you are not alone.

Peter Overton
Husband and Son-in-LawJuly 2005

Ecclesiastes 3

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to everypurpose under the heaven:2A time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down,and a time to build up;4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a timeto mourn, and a time to dance;5A time to cast away stones, anda time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time torefrain from embracing;6A time to get, and a time to lose; a timeto keep, and a time to cast away;7A time to rend, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;8A time to love,and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Carpe diem

Horace

My name is Penelope Rowe. I am a 59-year-old woman who was married, divorced, and then single for many years. I have now remarried. I have a Bachelor of Arts from the 1960s and a Master of Criminology from 2004this latter degree undertaken from a genuine interest in study and scholarship, and also to see if and how my brain was still working! Out of necessity, Ive been a jack-of-all-trades in my lifeamong other things, a coffee packer, teacher, freelance writer, columnist, television and radio presenter, office manager and sub-titler. I have also published three novels and two collections of short stories, but nothing in my life has equalled the most rewarding, important and fulfilling task of all: giving birth to, rearing and loving my daughters, Jessica, Harriet and Claudia. They are my testimony. I also happen to suffer from bipolar disorder, formerly called manic-depressive illness. But I hope you will recognise that I am not an illnessthat is only part of the package.

My eldest daughter, Jessica, is 35 years old. She has a Bachelor of Communications from the 1980s and a Master of International Studies from 2003. She has travelled widely and is a public speaker and spokesperson for the mentally ill. She is, as far as I am concerned, charismatic and unaffected, with a disarming, childlike aspect to her personality. She is also a newsreader for Network Ten.

When the idea of this book was mooted, both Jessica and I were enthusiastic but there were obstacles to overcome. Neither my publisher nor I wanted me to write my life story. They wanted the story of my experience with bipolar illness, so that is what I have tried to do. However, this might give a very wrong impression of my life. It has most definitely not been a life of unassuaged misery, madness and mental hospitals. By far the greater part has been unalloyed joy in the good fortune that has so often come my way, the privileges that have been granted me, the laughter and love I have shared, and the whole adventure of trying to live as fully as I can in this one chance we get at life. The experience of mental illness has coloured everything, but I refuse to define myself by my illness.