Rob Smith - Always a Soldier: Service, Sacrifice, and Coming Out as Americas Favorite Black, Gay Republican

A POST HILL PRESS BOOK

ISBN: 978-1-64293-575-2

ISBN (eBook): 978-1-64293-576-9

Always a Soldier:

Service, Sacrifice, and Coming Out as Americas Favorite

Black, Gay Republican

2020 by Rob Smith

All Rights Reserved

Cover photo by Omar Columbus

Cover design by Misha Safronov

All people, locations, events, and situations are portrayed to the best of the authors memory. While all of the events described are true, many names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author and publisher.

Post Hill Press

New York Nashville

posthillpress.com

Published in the United States of America

Table of Contents

R ob Smith calls himself America s Favorite Black, Gay Veteran Republican as a kind of half-joke to call attention to the idiocy of certain types of identity politics. But Rob is no joke. I first noticed Rob when he decided to come out as a conservative, and was struck by his maturity, and seriousness. I am grateful for Robs courage to help shine a light on issues that are important.

This book is the story of a young man destined to overcome his extraordinary circumstances. Someone focused on turning his life around. And while I know he was nervous about revealing the mistakes of the past, I also know his intention is to be authentic. His story will challenge others to change their circumstancesrather than be bound by them.

We can all learn valuable lessons from Robs story.

T his is a work of creative nonfiction. Everything that is described in this memoir actually happened. Though the dialogue may not be exact, its characterized based on conversations and situations that happened with real people, most of whom are still alive and serving today. For that reason, I decided to use pseudonyms for the names of everyone but myself. I want to protect the anonymity and dignity of the soldiers that I served with. If they read it, they will know who they are, but the world doesnt have to. None of us were perfect, but I aimed to do the best job I possibly could at humanizing these very real people.

There are no heroes or villains in this story, just flawed and imperfect human beings. Real soldiers are not the flawless heroes of military movies, nor are they the bloodthirsty monsters Americas anti-military elements would like to make them out to be. If I set out to do anything in this book, its to portray the humanity of our active-duty soldiers. With humanity comes flaws, and as you will see, we were all at times brave and frightened, selfish and selfless, strong and weak. We were all soldiers with our own reasons for signing up for military service, but still meant to give our best in service of this beloved country we call the United States of America.

In case you havent noticed, Im black and gay. These two immutable characteristics have defined my life in many ways that you will read about in the coming pages. The racism I faced in the military was omnipresent but not devastating. The homophobia I faced was, at the time, enshrined in military law. Being open and honest about my early days as a gay man is not meant to shock, nor is the candid language used throughout the book.

The memoir portion of this book was originally published in my Obama-era lefty days, but everything about my updated political philosophy that comes afterwards is brand new. After nearly a decade spent trying to get this book off the ground in different ways, Ive finally succeeded in releasing a complete work in exactly the way I wanted to release it.

I realize that for a great deal of people who will read this book I may be the only black gay guy whod write a book theyd feel comfortable enough picking up and reading. Thats a pretty heavy burden to carry, so when I decided to share this work, I wanted to release myself of trying to be respectable and just try to tell the truth. So here it is. I hope you enjoy it.

Rob Smith

T he first time I felt another mans breath on my skin, our noses nearly touching and our lips close enough to kiss, he was screaming in my face. His breath smelled like an unholy combination of chewing tobacco and curdled milk. We were in an outdoor staging area crowded with 125 other recruits for the US Armys infantry basic training program in Fort Benning, Georgia. This was decidedly not how I imagined the first real physical closeness Id share with another man would be.

You eyeballin me, motherfucker? he said.

His eyes were boring directly into mine as I tried desperately not to react to their steely darkness. I thought, I mustve missed this part in the brochure .

The ease with which I went from being a merit roll student in my high school to standing in line for infantry basic training not even four months after graduating with one of the top GPAs in the class was almost shocking. Great things were expected from me, the 4.0 honor roll student who would most certainly be going on to some big-time university to become a broadcaster after anchoring the high school newscasts for years. Alas, in a 98 percent black school, where athletics were placed at a higher priority than academics, the guidance counselors didnt quite know what to do with the fat kid who hadnt played a sport in his life. My parents didnt have the money for college, and I just kind of slipped through the cracks. All of the above is how I found myself dialing the number to the Army recruiting office in hopes of doing something and perhaps getting to go to college on the Army s dime.

At that point in my life, I was spending most of my days doing absolutely nothing besides eating, living at home with my grandmother, and working part-time waiting tables at Dennys. I dreaded the particular hell that was Tuesday Family Free Nights. An assortment of baby mamas would come in large groups and shovel free kids meals down their demon spawns throats, running me ragged and leaving me a one- or two-dollar tip for the privilege. Surely there had to be more to life than this, but if there was, I certainly didnt know. Maybe it was time to find out.

Over the phone, the Army people said that it was okay that I didnt have a car. They eagerly sent a recruiter over to drive me to the station and talk a little about the Army. I closed the phone book and sat at the kitchen table. I was alone, as usual, in the kitchen of the modest two-story house Id spent the majority of my teen years in. I was nervous about what I was about to do but strangely excited. I didnt know what I was getting into, but I knew I needed a change. I knew I needed to leave home and go to college, but I didnt know how to get there. Perhaps this was my time to shine, to be all I could be.

There was a knock on the door, and I opened it to see an Adonis. At that point something very powerful came over me. The feeling was new, different, exhilarating, and thrilling. This gorgeous man towered over me, offered a sweet smile, and stuck out his hand.

Youre Mr. Smith? he asked.

Uh yeah, I said, almost forgetting to breathe.