Kelly R - Soulacoaster: the diary of me

Copyright 2011 by Robert Sylvester Kelly

Published in the United States by: SmileyBooks, 250 Park Avenue South, Suite #201, New York, NY 10003 www.SmileyBooks.com

are an extension of the copyright page.
an extension of the copyright page.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviewswithout prior written permission of the publisher.

The opinions set forth herein are those of the authors, and do not necessarily express the views of the publisher or any of its affiliates.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011935631

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-4019-2835-3
Digital ISBN: 978-1-4019-3177-3

15 14 13 12 4 3 2 1

First Edition, June 2012

Printed in China by Global PSD

DESIGN BY JUAN ROBERTS / CREATIVE LUNACY

I dedicate this book of my mother,
Joann Kelly,
and
my second mom, teacher, and pastor,
Lena McLin.

CONTENTS

Authors Note

Soulacoaster is a memoir. I have shared the most challenging times of my life in this diary, but in telling my story, certain episodes could not be included for complicated reasons. Additionally, to protect the privacy of others, specific names and identifying characteristics have been changed. Events and conversations have been recreated from my memory and reconstructed to the best of my recollection. I hope you enjoy the ride.

Look behind myself as I reflect on all the memories
Good times they come and go
Lost everything from friends to family
If I could turn back the hands
There would be some things Id change about me
I know that my past is not what my future holds

Where I come from who could
believe all the pain and misery
Look in my eyes and you will see...
The diary of me

Rewind my life, just go back and correct all the wrong
And ask God to direct my path so then I could make it home

Years ago a child was born and raised without a man
My mom was scorned but still reached out her hand
Just open the book, turn the pages of my life
and you will read
A true story about one mans journey...

The diary of me

R. Kelly

Before you go on this Soulacoaster with me, there is one thing I gotta say:

No matter what speed it goes, how high it soars, or how low it dropshold on.

Since the day of my birth, I feel like my soul has been on some kind of roller coasterwith all of the ups and downs, twists and turns, laughing and screaming, smiling and crying. Sometimes I ask myself, When will this ride stop? Or will it ever stop?

B efore you go on this Soulacoaster with me, though, there is one thing I have to say: No matter what speed it goes, how high it soars, or how low it dropshold on. Even as I worked on this book, the music was swarmingpushing, inspiring, and challenging me. And I let it; I always accept the challenge. From my earliest memories to last nights recording session, music has been my lifes mission and my greatest passion. I feel like God has placed a lifetime of melodies inside me and thats a wonderful thing, but unfortunately a great gift can come with a great price and a helluva responsibility. I call my gift a beautiful disease.

When Im working on one song, it seems like Im always interrupted by another song thats knockingsometimes bangingat the door of my soul. There are times I feel like a radio station with all the channels blasting at once. I often get smothered by songs and lyrics, smothered by ideas about musical pieces and how they mix and match. Theyre like jigsaw puzzles. As soon as I put one together, Im on to the next. My mind is always moving fast and furious; it wont let me rest until all the pieces of the song fit together.

When I was a kid, I found out that I couldnt read or write like other kids. I would worry myself sick that something was wrong with me and that my disability would trap me. When the music started flowing through me, at first I was overwhelmed and worried. Why was I hearing so many songs? Musical phrasings, lyrics, and song structures were fully formed in my head long before I could understand what these things really were. Even when somebody said that I had a special gift, as a little kid I was scared that it would drive me crazy.

It took me a lot of time, effort, energyand a lot of Gods graceto learn to recognize the gift for what it was and harness it, even as I struggled in other ways. Ive got a leash on my music now and I can walk it. Its not running wild anymoreI can walk it wherever I want it to go.

This book is like my music: Its not just stray melodies. It comes to me late at nightcertain scenes, voices, and memories appear unexpectedlythings that made me proud and things that are still hard for me to even think about.

My life is like a mansion with lots of rooms. Some of those rooms are well lit, with bright, joyfully colored party lights and full of happiness. Other rooms are dark. And some of the doors to those rooms have never even been cracked open. Well now, Im opening those doors. And Im inviting you in.

When I call out Mom, it brings the spirit of Joann Kelly into my heart. Im calling out Mom at the beginning of this book because, as I go through the pages of my life and start to wake up the images and feelings of my past, I need to invoke her here in the present. I need the spirit of my mother by my side. Shes still my guide and my strength. She was the first one to believe in me. She told me that I could achieve all things through Christ Jesus.

A t 45, I can still hear her words, and theyre just as comforting now as ever. It was she who taught me to believe I could fly beyond the sky and soar into pure space. No matter what we were going through, no matter how small our Thanksgiving table, my mothers inspiring strength kept our hearts full, even if our bellies were sometimes empty. She was strong in her faith, toosomething I carry with me to this day. She taught us how to be thankful. Didnt matter if this neighbor or that neighbor had more than we did. Whatever we had was reason to thank the Lord. Financially, we had nothing. Spiritually, we had everything.