Horn - Life as a Victorian Lady

First published in 2007

The History Press
The Mill, Brimscombe Port Stroud,
Gloucestershire, GL 5 2 QG
www.thehistorypress.co.uk

This ebook edition first published in 2011

All rights reserved
Pamela Horn, 2007, 2011

This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the authors and publishers rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

Pamela Horn has asserted the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

EPUB ISBN 978 0 7524 7065 8
MOBI ISBN 978 0 7524 7066 5

Original typesetting by The History Press

To my husband, who has helped in so many different ways

F rom a twenty-first century perspective, the lives of Victorian ladies appear privileged and comfortable, cushioned against the harsher realities of life. Domestic staff performed much of the drudgery associated with household chores, and left mistresses time to enjoy leisure pursuits. Most were expected to find personal fulfilment within the home, as wives and mothers and as hostesses dispensing hospitality to guests. In 1855, the Revd Charles Kingsley in a Lecture to Ladies declared that a womans first duties [were] to her own family, her own servants.

It was women who made the ordinances and regulations that governed polite society, through their power to give or withhold invitations and to choose on whom they would call or from whom they would receive calls. As the contemporary journal the Ladys Companion commented on 10 March 1900, while the male members of high society were willing to associate with an ill-educated millionaire, that was unlikely to apply to their female relatives. These would not visit the wife and daughter of such a man, or receive them in their home, if they lacked refinement and culture. The penniless daughter of an underpaid curate would (provided she were a gentlewoman) have the entre into houses that would resolutely close their doors on the pretensions of the millionaires family.

It was to advise the socially inept on possible pitfalls that books of etiquette proliferated in the second half of the nineteenth century. In 1866, for example, Etiquette for Ladies pointed out that in conversation the voice of a lady is... always low and nicely modulated. A provincial accent was to be avoided and the vocabulary carefully chosen to exclude words and expressions deemed vulgar in the best circles. Dont utter exclamations such as My!... They are VERY vulgar, it warned. Vulgarity, ostentatious conduct and conspicuous attire were to be eschewed at all costs, as was any involvement in public scandal. That included marital infidelity. When Lady Aylesford was divorced in 1878 on account of her adultery with Lord Blandford, her name was struck from guest lists and she was cut in public. Interestingly, Lord Blandford suffered no such social sanctions.

Within the household, the general preoccupation with status and hierarchy was reflected in the way that the accommodation itself was divided among family members, guests and the domestic staff. Each had their own quarters, with the servants residing in the basement or the attics or in a separate wing, while the nursery and schoolroom were also located at the top of the house, where the noise of the children would not disturb the rest of the family. Many of the main rooms were split along gender lines, so that the morning-room, boudoir and drawing-room were regarded as female territory, while the library, study and smoking room belonged to the menfolk. As far as possible the servants were to remain out of sight as they went about their duties, by the use of a system of backstairs and back corridors. In this way family privacy would be preserved.

The concern about status and propriety also extended to what was seen as the appropriate attire for domestic staff. In April 1840 Anne Sturges Bourne, who lived on a small Hampshire estate, admitted to a friend that her mother was very unhappy abt. housemaids bonnet caps & brooches, & the difficulty of drawing a line of what is smart & what plain. But she recognised that when it came to a struggle of how much the maid may presume or the mistress forbid, there is little good done, & they wear smart things by stealth.

Young unmarried girls were expected to be chaperoned when they went into public places or attended social functions. Hence Lucy Lyttelton, daughter of the 4th Lord Lyttelton, felt suddenly... scampish when in April 1861, at the age of about 20, she walked alone on the pier at Brighton. Two days later she attended an afternoon church service in the resort and having to walk back alone, I pretended to belong to two elderly ladies in succession, who I dont think found out they were escorting me. Even in the mid-1890s the newly married American-born Duchess of Marlborough was surprised to discover it was considered improper for an English lady to walk alone in Piccadilly and in Bond Street, or to be seen in a hansom cab, while to visit a music-hall was out of the question.

Gender differences applied, too, with boys being preferred to girls, especially in landed families. Lady Maud Cecil, oldest child of the 3rd Marquess of Salisbury, was very much offended when at the age of 3, shortly after the birth of her eldest brother, she overheard people say when addressing the baby, It is a good thing it was a boy this time. From that time, she added drily, I began to look at life from a feminist standpoint.

It was part of the same process that married women were expected to defer to their husbands when it came to taking decisions, although that did not always apply in practice. Independent-minded women, like Clara Paget, wife of a physician and teacher of medicine at Cambridge University, managed both the male and female members of her family and looked after money matters. When she was away in Wales pursuing her antiquarian interests she sent instructions to her daughters in Cambridge by letter on how they should proceed. Clergy wives often shared in their husbands parish duties, holding mothers meetings, running clothing and coal clubs, and teaching in Sunday school.

Marriage was regarded as the only acceptable career for a gentlewoman, since paid employment was considered impossible if genteel status were to be maintained. The underlying attitude was made clear by a contributor to the