Hall - Drawn to the rhythm: a passionate life reclaimed

A bove all I wish to thank my extraordinary
family, who have given me their
loving and unconditional support always, but
especially during the months of the fire:
my parents, Richard and Patricia Hall;
my brother, Richard L. Hall; my
sister Anne Hall Hudnut; and most
especially, my sister Caroline Hall Otis,
who brings her intelligence and loving heart
to the world as a life coach, and to me as both
sister and diligent front-line editor in the
early stages of this book. My three siblings
and I make a hell of a quad. In
addition, I thank my uncle, Robert Tucker
Hall, to whom this book is dedicated, and who
knows how much my children and I owe him
for his wisdom, love, and calm presence.

Im lucky. My experience in the last few years has shown me not only the true nature of victory but of friendship. On Long Island, my friends Franois and Marie Paule Bogrand, Anne Brower DuBosque, Bea Hanson, Kathy Pavlakis, Alison Tung, and Terry Walton stood by me in tough times. In Boston, I can never thank the following enough for their support of my children and me: Judy Barclay and David St. Mary, Gary and Patty Leroy, Betty Lou Marple, Melissa Patterson, Sarah Rossiter, Janet Sharp, and Bob and Bettye Freeman, who gave us shelter. Thanks, also, to my dear friends Ellen Brennan in San Francisco and Suki Fredericks in Middlebury. Others who lent their invaluable support are James Dalsimer in Boston, and the staff, directors, and supporters of Sanctuary for Families in Manhattan, specifically Executive Director Carolyn Nash; Clinical Director Beth Silverman-Yam; and board members Dudley delBalso and Eileen Jachym. And thanks to Emily Wharton in Stonington, who led me to them.

The rowing community is too large and too dear to me to acknowledge adequately in these brief pages, but I especially wish to thank the following members of my immediate river family: on Long Island, Peter Bisik, Marge Dole, Jim Long, Rich McLaughlin, and Tom Thompson; and in Boston, Everett Abbott, Jay Bragdon, Ted Benford, Judy Davis, Al Flanders, Marie Hagelstein, Henry Hamilton, Kathy Keeler, Linda Kennett, Kathy Kirk, Craig Lambert, Bill McGowan, Jerry Murphy, Pete Peterson, Alison Sanders-Fleming, Jeff Schaeffer, Alex Selvig, and Carlo and Susie Zezza. I also wish to thank Northeastern University and the coaches at Henderson BoathouseBuzz Congram, Evans Lionel, Joe Wilhelm, and boatman extraordinaire Rick Schroeder. Many thanks to all the Resolute crew in Bristol, especially Eric Goetz and Bernie Tarradash. Across the country, I send gratitude and warm regard to Carol Bower and Vicki Valerio in Philadelphia, and Meg and Gary Schoch in Vachon Island, Washington. Most importantly, I want to acknowledge Carie Graves, who deserves all the laurels she can carry, and she can carry a lot. She has been a loyal friend, a superb doubles partner, and a woman whose strength and courage have inspired thousands of women, including me. And special thanks to the Nike Corporation for its unstinting support and sponsorship of the 1998 World Masters Games.

In addition, I want to express profound gratitude to those who took a chance on me: my editors at W. W. NortonJohn Barstow, who supported this project from the moment we met in front of the dimestore in Middlebury, Vermont; Alane Mason; and especially Helen Whybrow, whose understanding of my mission and ear for the music of language has made writing this book a joy; and my agent, John Taylor Ike Williams of the Palmer & Dodge Agency, who added an unknown, unpublished housewife to his list of luminaries on the belief that my story was of value to women and the world.

Finally, I convey a grateful hug to the friend who has given me the haven of his loving arms for over two yearsDavid Bunting.

I have a lot to be thankful for. Ironically,
it is the man who was my husband and who
is the father of my children who deserves the
greatest acknowledgment. If I feel gratitude
toward my opponents for their willingness
to test my courage and strength, then
my husband has done no less. In fighting
for my freedom from him I have had to dig
deep for the resources that might, in another
circumstance, have remained as hidden as a
vein of gold beneath a rocky hillside.
I have found untold riches. A new connection
to my familymy mermaid sisters;
my brother, still a hawk; my wise mother who
knows about letting go; and the loving father I
have finally found as a grown woman. The fellowship
of friends and community that has

deepened from the mundane to the profound. Most importantly, the passion for my rowing that has connected me to the divine within myself. Sometimes I wonder if my life with my husband hadnt been so bitter, the river water might not have tasted so exquisitely sweet. Finally, Ive found a voice in the world that might have remained forever buried under sorrow and laundry had it not been sparked to life by our conflict.

Even my ability to write this book arose from the experience of my marriage and separation. In these last two years, the necessity of making my voice heard in daily logs, memoranda, and impassioned letters has forced me to face the keyboard for the first time since college. In fighting for my children, I have found a voice to express my mind and heart. Its a hell of a cure for writers block. As Christiane Northrup said in her wonderful book on physical and emotional healing, Womans Bodies, Womens Wisdom, Rage transformed is power. Rage transformed is strength. Rage transformed is also voice.

The challenges of these years have also affirmed a connection to God that gives shape to all my experience of the world. What serves Him serves meit is the litmus test for every decision. Our endless struggle with ego and control, both within ourselves and in relation to others, is a diversion that serves us ill. In killing the sparrows, we squander our energy and our precious time on earth, and all of us must find the source of courage that allows us to loosen our hold and follow the calling of a greater imperative. Trust me.

My husband also deserves my gratitude for giving me the opportunity to be a mother and experience the inestimable blessing of our three children. Perhaps now is payback time. Although I have deplored my husbands methods for trying to take the children from me, in my most philosophical moments I also recognize the opportunity implicit in the custody we sharethe chance for him to be a father involved in their day-to-day lives. In the end, I believe our sons will have seen the example of a woman who would no longer tolerate abuse, and they will also have seen a father who fought hard for his share of them.

These are hard lessons for them, but better than the alternativeboys who might model their behavior on what they saw for so many years, boys who might become men whose controlling behavior prevented them from ever knowing the love of a woman, who might have married and divorced again and again, becoming more and more bewildered and embittered. And the lesson of their fathers battle to own them? After the years in which they sometimes described Daddy as someone who talked on the phone all the time, yelled a lot, and flew around in airplanes, their father is at last deeply involved in their daily lives. Im convinced that the children offer him, as they offer all of us, the chance to be fully human. In them, he has the opportunity of a lifetime: three human beings who want nothing more than to love him and be loved by him. Thus it comes around. My life is rich with love. Maybe his can be, too. If my experience of him has allowed me to find my best, perhaps in the children we created together, he can find his.

I once read a novel about a man who was convinced that something magnificent would enter his life to redeem him and define his mission on earth. He waited a lifetime for it to happen, rejecting the love of a good woman because she might divert him from his yet-to-be-discovered mission. The irony was, she was the something magnificent; their love his redemption.