Dan B Allender Ph.D. - The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse

MY EIGHT-YEAR-old daughter once asked me, Daddy, why are you interested in sexual abuse? Thankfully, before I could answer she asked another question: Daddy, do abused people have walls in their hearts that keep them from being happy, and will they have less bricks in their walls after reading your book? I wept. Her simple questions expressed the heart of my personal calling (why am I interested in abuse?) and my professional task (will this book help?) and opened the door to deep gratitude. Those questions, calling, and tasks could not be addressed without the community of clients, friends, mentors, and family who have given me the freedom to ask difficult questions and formulate answers that have not always (or even yet) been clear, accurate, or helpful, without fear of rejection or retribution. That is unique in the Christian community.

The faces of countless men and women have been before me as I wrote this book. Their lives instructed me, broke my heart, and deepened my conviction that a good God does work, albeit in odd and surprising ways. I cannot mention their names, but many will hear in the pages of this book echoes of our conversations, with sorrow and joy. I cannot thank you enough.

The many friends who have taken time to read the manuscript and comment or interact with the material have offered profound encouragement. I mention those whose involvement has been long-term, sure, and life-giving: Al and Nita Andrews, Sandy Burdick, Karla Denlinger, Sandy Edwards, Lottie Hillard, Nancy Lodwick, Tremper Longman III, Shannon Rainey, Robin Reisert, Melissa Trevathon, Tom Varney, and Lori Wheeler. A woman who has literally transformed the material by her wisdom, kindness, and humor has been my editor, Traci Mullins. I would never have endured the process without her competent ministration and lighthearted muse. Her heart unobtrusively shows itself on every page.

In even more dramatic form, the heart and soul of my colleague, mentor, and best friend, Larry Crabb, is transcribed in the life of this work. His probing, relentless personal honesty and his passionate hunger for God are the impetus that propelled my desire to move into the damaged soul with the hope for deep, eternal transformation. My debt and love are equally deep.

Finally, my wife, Rebecca, is my North Star. Her sensitivity and powerful voice of advocacy for those with a wounded heart has impassioned this work, and her heart for me is a gift of unsurpassing joy. Rebecca, gratitude to you will never be adequately expressed even if I were to take a lifetime to thank you for your love. The years in preparation for this work would never have been possible without your gentle heart.

DR. DAN B. ALLENDER received his MDiv from Westminster Theological Seminary and his PhD in Counseling Psychology from Michigan State University.

Dan taught in the Biblical Counseling Department of Grace Theological Seminary for seven years (19831989). From 19891997 Dan worked as professor in the Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling program at Colorado Christian University, Denver, Colorado. Currently, Dan serves as Professor of Counseling Psychology and President at Mars Hill Graduate School (MHGS.org) in Seattle, Washington.

He travels and speaks extensively to present his unique perspective on sexual abuse recovery, love and forgiveness, worship, and other related topics. He is the author of The Wounded Heart (NavPress), and has coauthored four books with Dr. Tremper Longman III, Intimate Allies (Tyndale), The Cry of the Soul (NavPress), Bold Love (NavPress), and Breaking the Idols of Your Heart (IVP). Dan and his wife, Rebecca, have three children and live in Seattle, Washington.

Courtois, Christine A.Healing the Incest Wound. New York: W. W. Norton and Company, 1988.

Courtois provides an excellent overview of the issues related to the dynamics of sexual abuse. She details the issues a therapist will face and a number of therapeutic intervention models for helping an adult who was abused as a child.

Finkelhor, David. Child Sexual Abuse: New Theory and Research. New York: The Free Press, 1984.

Finkelhor reviews the current research and evaluates the methods used in the studies that underestimate the current number of sexual abuse cases. His book is an excellent blend of research, theory, and evaluation.

Finkelhor, David. A Sourcebook on Child Sexual Abuse. Beverly Hills, CA: Sage Publications, 1986.

Finkelhor and associates deal with various topics of concern including: prevalence, abusers, initial and long-term effects. An excellent update on his past research.

Ganzarain, Ramon, and Bonnie Buchele. Fugitives of Incest. Madison, CT: International Universities Press, 1988.

An excellent book for those who have read other serious books on group counseling and want to expand their understanding of the unique dimensions of working with incest victims in a group setting.

Haugaard, Jeffrey, and N. Dickon Reppucci. The Sexual Abuse of Children. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers, Inc., 1988.

A comprehensive overview of the issues and treatment strategy for intervention with young children and their families. A good primer for other reading in this important area.

Kaplan, Helen Singer. Disorders of Sexual Desire. New York: Brunner/Mazel Publishers, Inc., 1979.

A standard in the field of sex therapy. It does not directly address the issues of sexual abuse; however, the struggles of many abused people can be better understood after gaining a familiarity with Kaplans concepts.

Maltz, Wendy, and Beverly Holman. Incest and Sexuality: A Guide to Understanding and Healing. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books, 1987.

An excellent work for both an individual and a supportive spouse to read together and apply the concepts to their sexual struggles. It is written with both partners in mind and accomplishes a great deal in a relatively short book.

Ochberg, Frank. Post-Traumatic Therapy and Victims of Violence. New York: Brunner/Mazel Publishers, Inc., 1988.

An excellent introduction to the concept of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), also known as the Vietnam Vet syndrome. The effects of sexual abuse are similar to the consequences of any highly traumatic stress event. An understanding of PTSD opens the door to a clearer perspective on the effects of abuse.

Russell, Diana E. H. The Secret Trauma: Incest in the Lives of Girls and Women. New York: Basic Books, Inc., 1986.

Russells study of 930 women in San Francisco is the best-researched study available on the statistics of sexual abuse and incest. Her study covers almost every conceivable question that might be asked about the victims, perpetrators, and their families.

Buhler, Rich. Pain and Pretending. Nashville: Nelson, 1988.

Buhler is a passionate man who writes to change the lives of those who have been traumatized by past abuse. His commitment to remove the blinders of false trust, which denies the past harm and current pain, is laudatory.

Frank, Jan. A Door of Hope. San Bernadino, CA: Heres Life Publishers, 1987.

This is an excellent book by a victim of incest. Frank details a tenstep process of recovery from the effects of sexual abuse with wisdom, sensitivity, and realism.

Hancock, Maxine, and Karen Burton Mains. Child Sexual Abuse: A Hope for Healing