Britton - Fern: My Story

MICHAEL JOSEPH
an imprint of
PENGUIN BOOKS

MICHAEL JOSEPH

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First published 2008

Copyright Fern Britton, 2008

All rights reserved
The moral right of the author has been asserted

Pictures are reproduced by kind permission of Fern Britton, unless otherwise noted. Every effort has been made to trace copyright holders. The publishers would be pleased to rectify any unintentional omission in subsequent printings. Ken McKay/Rex Features

Except in the United States of America, this book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publishers prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser

978-0-14-190037-7

I dedicate this book to my wonderful Phil,
whose love has turned my life around, and also to
Jack, Harry, Grace and Winnie, who are my life.
I love you all.

If I didnt have any of this life, it was taken from me, I would go out and find a proper job. Id make a very good cleaner I wouldnt want to be a nanny because that would be too much like hard work but Id be a very good domestic, a very good housekeeper. I love making things tidy.

Of course, Im happy doing what Im doing at the moment, but Phil and I often talk about what well do when we stop. There is so much life to live, and so many things I want to do while Im still young enough, while I still have the energy. In the summer I often wake before the alarm. The dawn creeps in through the curtains and I lie, listening to the birds, dozing and thinking. This is my only quiet time of the day, and it doesnt last long.

Fern, its half past five.

The sound of Phils voice, muffed by the pillow, makes me laugh. How does he always know its time to get up before I do?

Do you want a cuppa?

A grunt. Ill take that as a maybe and give myself ten minutes more. Phils been my husband now for seven years, eleven months and four days but he never ceases to surprise me, and in spite of his pillow talk about pigs and hams hes as romantic now as when we first met.

Id like to renew our vows every five years, he said, the day of our wedding, and I said, How lovely. Yes, please! So we got to five years, but it just went by the by. It was no big deal, it was like, Ah we didnt quite get that organized. Then yesterday, out of the blue, he said, Lets do it now and in fact Ive already spoken to the vicar. Hed set it all up: eight years, minus one day, to the minute midday, 23 May 2008 at St Michael and All Angels in Hughenden Valley, which wed got to know as its the church nearest the childrens school. They go there for their little ceremonies, nativity plays and so on, and the vicar baptized Winnie and hes a very nice man. So in just over three weeks, for the first time in my life, Im going to be saying my vows in church. It will be completely private. Just us, and the children. No one else.

I remember hearing Bette Midler talking about her husband of many years, and she said, As much as I love him, Im not always in love with him! And it does go like phases of the moon. But I will never take Phil for granted. Ive been through too much for that. There have been times when I havent wanted to live another day, when just getting through the hours was more daunting than anything I would ever face again. And the shadow of that fear, that the darkness will return, never really leaves you. Its there to remind you never to waste a moment, never to lose sight of the joy.

Slipping out of bed, I pull on my dressing-gown, go downstairs to put the kettle on and let out the hens. We have two: Sam and Ella wittily named by the producer who thought theyd be perfect company for Edwina Currie during her stint on the studio roof last September.

A few mornings ago I saw Mr Fox slink away as I opened the back door. Hed obviously been eyeing up their ladyships. Phil is all for sorting out the ginger gentleman himself, but Ive put my foot down. No guns in the garden. No exceptions. He has a whole wood where he can blast away to his hearts content, and farmer friends are always imploring him to sort out the foxes and rabbits and even deer who create havoc on their land.

Its going to be a glorious day. Spring is definitely here and its hard to imagine that the blue sky will ever darken. I am so incredibly lucky, leading this idyllic existence, a job in a million, healthy and happy children, a husband who loves me just as I am, and who regularly reminds me of what he promised nearly eight years ago on our way to the register office: Ill always look after you, he said. The night before we married Id been incredibly jittery, thinking even then that it wouldnt happen after all. How did he know, I wonder, just how much that meant to me? My life is full of ghosts, and it is only now, looking back from this place of safety, that I can finally lay them to rest.

The sun tips the trees across the field, and the dew seeps between my toes as I pad back to the kitchen. Ill wear something summery, I decide. A pair of white leggings, and a silky bit of Kate Moss from Top Shop that I bought on-line. (I love internet shopping.) Which reminds me, Ill have to think about what to wear for the ceremony

I bring in the milk six pints a day in time to see the silver Mercedes come glinting up the track on the dot of six thirty. Tony has been driving me to and from ITVs London Studios on the South Bank for the last ten years and, rain, shine, hail or snow, I could set the clock by him. Once Ive heard his tyres on the gravel, I take two mugs of tea upstairs for my boys an excuse, really, to give them a hug and ruffle their hair, and whether they like it or not, Ill be doing it when theyre grown men. As for my girls, Goosey and Miss Mouse, I kiss their sweet heads and let them sleep on.

Me and Mr Holly

In 1957, the year I was born, my father made his third film, ironically named The Birthday Present, with a very young Sylvia Syms as his leading lady. He was thirty-three and it was his first starring role. Tony Britton was on the way up. The previous year he had made Loser Takes All with Rossano Brazzi. Unusually for a British film of the period, it was shot entirely on location in Monte Carlo. My mother didnt go with him. On his return he went straight into the West End, playing the romantic lead in Gigi, opposite Leslie Caron. One way and another he was around less and less. In the early days, when Dadas career was just beginning, my parents had been inseparable, living in a succession of theatrical digs and longer-term lets, but once theatre gave way to cinema he was under contract to British Lion Films a stable home took priority, my sister Cherry then coming up for eight.