Mariah Carey - The Meaning of Mariah Carey

My intention was to keep her safe, but perhaps I have only succeeded in keeping her prisoner.

For many years, shes been locked away inside of mealways alone, hidden in plain sight before masses of people. Theres significant evidence of her in my early work: often she can be found looking out of windows, dwarfed by a giant frame, barefoot, staring at an empty rope swing swaying from a lone tree against a purple dusk sky. Or else shes two stories up in a brownstone, watching the neighborhood children dancing on the sidewalk below. Shes shown up in a school auditorium in OshKosh overalls, holding a ball on the sidelines, waiting and wanting to be chosen. Sometimes she is caught in a rare moment of joy, on a roller coaster or flying by on skates with her hands in the air. Always she lingers, though, as a dull longing just behind my eyes. Shes been scared and alone for so long, and yet through all the darkness, shes never lost her light. She has made herself known through my songsher yearning heard over the airwaves or seen on screens. Millions of people know of her, but have never known her.

She is little Mariah, and much of this will be her story, as she saw it.

Some of my earliest memories are of violent moments. Because of that, I have always carried a heavy blanket with which I cover up large pieces of my childhood. It has been a burden. But I can no longer stand the weight of that blanket and the silence of the little girl smothering beneath it. I am a grown woman now, with a little girl and boy of my own. I have seen, I have been scared, I have been scarred, and I have survived. I have used my songs and voice to inspire others and to emancipate my adult self. I offer this book, in large part, to finally emancipate that scared little girl inside of me. It is time to give her a voice, to let her tell her story exactly as she experienced it.

Though you cannot dispute someones lived experience, without a doubt, details in this book will differ from the accounts of my family, friends, and plenty of folks who think they know me. Ive lived that conflict for far too long, and Im weary of that too. Ive held my hand over the mouth of that little girl in an attempt to protect others. Even those others who never tried to protect me. Despite my efforts to be above it all, I still got dragged and sued and ripped off. In the end, I only hurt her more, and it almost killed me.

This book is a testimony to the resilience of silenced little girls and boys everywhere: To insist that we believe them. To honor their experiences and tell their stories.

To set them free.