Erna - The Paths We Choose

Who would believe that the best teacher Ive ever had is only five years old? But my daughter Skylar has changed my life in ways shell never know. She has helped me grow from a boy into a man, and every day I learn a little bit more about being a better dad. She will always be my little girl, and I will always try to give her the best life that I can. And when I make mistakes, as I know I will, I hope she can forgive me from time to time. Because Ill never be as perfect as she is in my eyes.

I often wonder how I got lucky enough to end up with Skylars mother, Jennifer Cabezon. Watching her give birth to an angel made me realize that I had a new hero in my life. Her honesty, loyalty and love has been a source of inspiration to me. Through all the good and bad times that weve endured together, she has stood by my side, trusted me when she couldve walked away and nurtured me when I needed her most.

Im also very proud to mention that Jen was responsible for getting me and my father to start rehabilitating our relationship. These days me and Dad are doing just fine.

Thanks to my band, Robbie Merrill, Tony Rombola and Shannon Larkin, for being my musical soul-mates and brothers at heart. You are my path. Also, thanks to my dearest friends, Jimmy Mustapha, Jeff St.Hilaire, Freddy Cristaldi, Kevin Sheehy, Marsha McManus, and my manager, Paul Geary.

I need to recognize Michael Azerrad for taking the time to help me with this book early on and Lydia Wills for her advice and direction (you said you might kick yourself in the ass if you let this one goI hope youre right).

Finally, I want to express my appreciation to John Branigan of the William Morris Agency for his assistance, and of course Jeremy Kay of Bartleby Press for all his hard work and guidance.

As for the rest of my family, friends and those who have touched my heart, I honor them for the wisdom that theyve given me, and I thank them for the education Ive acquired through our experiences together.

It was the summer of 1984, and nighttime had fallen over the town of Lawrence, Massachusetts. It was a clear cool evening and the streets were dry, so driving from the north side of town to the south side wasnt a problem. It was nothing like during the winter months. I was with my two best friends, Jimmy Mustapha and Freddy Cristaldi. We decided to jump in Freddys Mercury Cougar and check out a party that wed been told about. We were the kind of kids that were always looking for a good time. If we could smoke a little dope, drink some beers, and hopefully find some girls to play with, well, that was a good enough reason to throw on our jackets and head out for the evening.

When we arrived, we noticed that there werent many cars parked in front of the two-story house. Our first thought was that this party could be pretty lame. But we could see that there was definitely something going on through the second floor windows and decided it was worth investigating.

Getting out of the car, Freddy popped the trunk open and called me and Jimmy over to show us something. There next to the spare tire was a sawed-off shotgun that Freddy was babysitting for his sisters boyfriend. He pulled it out and handed it over to me. I remember feeling excited when I held it. My dad had started me hunting at a very young age so Id always had a passion for guns. But after a few moments, Freddy insisted that since we were on a main road we should put it away before any cops drove by. Reluctantly, I handed it back. Freddy locked it back into the trunk and we made our way upstairs.

Once we got inside, two words were enough to describe this partysausage festival! There were maybe two girls out of the twenty some odd people that were there. Way too much testosterone for us in most cases. Still, being underage and all, it was nevertheless a place to catch a buzz.

We schmoozed for awhile, drinking and huddling up in the corner to gossip about the muscle-headed idiots that laced the room trying to out-do each others egos. But we werent tight with any of these people, and after a couple hours of boredom, wed had more than enough. On our way out, I realized that I had forgotten my jacket. Id told Jimmy and Freddy to go downstairs and get the car and I would catch up with them in a second.

I headed back into the party, nudged my way through the room and grabbed my jacket off of the couch. On my way back to the door, me and this other kid unintentionally slammed into each other. Our beers went crashing to the floor and we both just looked at each other wondering who should apologize first. Then he peered at me with this unfocused look in his eyes and mumbled some smart-ass remark. Next thing I know, push comes to shove. We hit the beer-soaked floor and started going punch for punch.

At the same time, I begin to feel people kicking me in the ribs and in the back of the head. I thought at first that it might have been people from the party just trying to break us up and being rough. But it only took a few more boots to the back of the head before it clicked that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I began thinking, Shit! These fuckers are all his friends. This is not good. I gotta get the fuck out of here. It was just my luck, though, that the only two people that I knew could help me out of this mess had already gone downstairs to get the car. Finally, the kid who was throwing this party made his way over to us and broke up the fight, giving me the chance to get to my feet and out of the house.

As I walked across the front yard, I could see Jimmy and Freddy waiting for me in the car. I could tell they had no clue what had been going on by the way they were banging their heads and playing air drums to the tunes that they were cranking on the stereo. When I finally got close enough to catch Freddys eye, he was able to see that something was wrong by the way I was huffing and puffing. My shirt was ripped, my face was red from getting punched and kicked and I was cussing up a storm!

They jumped out of the car and approached me.

What the fuck happened to you? they said, confused.

Those motherfuckers just jumped me upstairs! This dude slammed into me with a beer and blah, blah, blah.

I started spitting out the whole story. As I babbled away and worked Jimmy and Freddy up into an ass-kicking mood, I saw Jimmy look over my shoulder and across the yard. I turned around and saw the same guy that I had just fought come stumbling out of the house with four or five of his buddies behind him. He was walking right towards me with his eyes locked onto mine. All I thought to myself was, Here we go!

Freddy and Jimmy immediately began heading in their direction to see if they could calm the posse down. I walked right behind them waiting to see if this shit was going to explode again (of course, feeling a lot more confident about it now that my bros were by my side). It looked like something out of The Warriors; both parties heading towards each other with leather jackets on, ready to rumble.